Punny title has puns. But it is fitting. Sort of. My thoughts are rarely that organized anyway. It should be obvious since most of this blog (collectively, not this post alone) is ranting and raving. Indubitably.
So for those who may be unaware, (okay, that is likely a vast majority of the world but the small collective of people who've read this blog are likely more aware) my Myers-Briggs personality typology classifies me as INFJ (the J portion is so gray that INFP also fits me just as much). That is to say...
I am introverted, meaning I am usually more interested in ideas than on what's going on around me ("I"). I learn in a more abstract manner than from concrete facts ("N"). I make decisions based on how I believe myself and others are affected personally rather than being supported by impersonal cause and effect ("F"). And I very slightly prefer order and planning when it comes to others than I do leaving things to spontaneity ("J"). (That last bit is undoubtedly true, especially when it comes to other people making decisions for me--which I truly loathe, I wish to be consulted with due notice on most accounts unless it is utterly urgent, like life-or-death).
The fact I am introverted does alienate me a lot in regards to my grandfather, who constantly expresses his want for me to "get out and socialize" which is just something that never was my interest. Honestly, I prefer to sit, indoors, reading most of the day, sometimes talking with friends and that is about it... it's enough to offer me a small degree of contentedness. Yet this is so foreign to him that he always berates me for my lack of desire to do much and often threatens to cut me off from doing so just to coerce me into seeking alternative outlets. I AM NOT YOU! (to grandfather) I don't like talking to every random person I happen to know when passing them in public, the way you do. I don't enjoy "get togethers", and I do not enjoy divulging my private life to anyone other than me and the persons involved. (this is a reference to his past history of eavesdropping on my phone conversations, even those with my mother, no less) I am not attending counseling to "change my ways", it's so someone can listen to me in the way you seem entirely incapable of doing. Unbiased, yet willing out of concern. Honest and fair if they need to be, never forceful. It's no wonder I find most aggression such a turn off because you yell at me so easily for the most minor of grievances. I don't hate you, but you make it very difficult for me to live in happiness to the point I can barely go through a holiday without crying over your STUPID, ASININE STUBBORNNESS.
... I really needed to vent that, my apologies to the readers.
A fair portion of my friends are introverted but it is not necessarily a precursor for my basis of relationships. Of the three people I have (up to the present) felt intimately attached to and wanted in a complete sense, the first was introverted, the second was borderline (more extroverted than me but similar in other aspects) and the third, current one is probably extroverted (he seems so). And I am fine with that. Because, in the present and any future case, I will do everything to make my partner feel like they are the most important thing in the world. I may not hit one over the head with it, (it's okay if we don't talk every day) but it is my desire. To me, they are (excluding my own life, not me personally, but I will not die for anyone, in simple words). I am able to exert a degree of dominance when I deem it necessary but honestly, as long as you don't give in to promiscuity nor do anything to harm yourself or others, you can do pretty much anything you would want in a relationship with me. Because I value freedom, especially emotional freedoms. To feel like your heart is free, to grow and continuously give love where it's due is really one of the few ideals that keeps me sane and mildly optimistic. I would like to think that's something my boyfriend likes about me, since he's said he does feel like I truly care about him (which is one of the best compliments one can receive, in my opinion). Yes.
