A perfect title if there ever was one *nods in self-agreement*. It's not like anyone really reads this blog that closely (... as far as I know...) but even so, I can at least sort my thoughts a bit.
I just watched the Nick News special for this year's, "Kids pick the President". Well, they don't always refer to it as Nick News anymore but its been on for over a decade with various events condensed and presented amicably for a young audience with Linda Ellerby (dunno if I'm spelling her name correctly) and I always appreciated it... my god the actual news programs are so borrrring that I really need a simplified version just to absorb most stuff. Anywho, that pretty much introduced me to Romney now; if you asked me before today if I knew anything about the Republican candidate, my response would have had to have been, "*shrug* not really?" He's a decent guy I suppose but I couldn't bring myself to agree with his stance on same-sex marriage. I don't vote anyway, but I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't vote for him. I would like to be married but I don't have to be. It's just that... who do I have to leave things to if I die? If I'm not married, are you aware that I can't leave anything to my partner by law? What happens to my possessions then? See my point... it pretty much undermines the contributions homosexual people can make to society when they can't even let their partners keep a house if it was owned by the deceased. If I die before my lover, I don't want my lover to lose anything else because I would think the loss of me would be pretty darn difficult already on its own. But the (present) law says I can't legally declare person_x_ gets my stuff unless they're a blood relative or they're married to me, else I can leave it to charity or else I have no flying clue, I think the government is supposed to come in and seize any land or properties and do w/e they decree with it. That makes dieing harder than living, at least to me it does, ehehe~.
Oh, it's not like people want my shit anyway. I technically have nothing because I can tell you what all I've ever bought with money that legally belongs to me--bought food, ate it, and now it's gone. I own nothing because everything is stuff my family bought. I never worked nor turned a paycheck. I pretty much don't even exist as citizen yet because I'm unemployed and yeah, haven't been doing anything. Oh I've been trying to get work though. Applied for a job or two, interviewed, but nope, nada. I do want to work. I don't want to drive (a vehicle) though. That's most of my dilemma, I suppose. My goal is to get a relationship with someone who can at least have the patience and spine to teach me to drive. Because I really don't want to, I really don't. That said, if one can convince me otherwise, y'know, I think they'd be worth keeping around. I mean if you really believe in and want to see me do something I hate that much because you realize I more-or-less need to do it, well you're more stubborn than me. And I can respect you for it, because this is pretty much the one thing I will always bitch about if it ever comes up. I hate driving, cars, everything related to transportation. I'd rather walk and I'm quite out of shape. Does not compute, does it? I know.
I don't like to argue though. But my god, I need you (you as in any would-be lovers out there) to have your act in gear. Have some job, even if its the blandest janitorial job out there (just an example, I really can't think of anyone that truly enjoys cleaning for a living). And have a car and be able to get yourself around. I ain't asking you to chauffeur me around at all, but I really can't wrap my head around getting myself places. So... I need you to want to meet me halfway. Do what others haven't and actually drive up to my door and knock. And don't run away after 2 minutes like a f-ing goof. I never expect company and I hate answering the door (recently I've done so in nothing but my boxers... what? I'm lazy, bitch) as it were. That said, I still am like one of the nicest people that I even know in all my 23 years of cognizance. I can't even begin to tell you how truly happy I'd be if someone did this, as it feels somewhat baffling to even request... why? Because it pretty much appears to me that sane people are incapable of doing this. I suppose I'm just crazy for hoping for it, eh? But if it did occur, then I believe that that crazy person could be just crazy enough to be mine to love. Perhaps.
Well, right now there's pretty much three people I could maybe end up in a relationship with (as to how successful any one would be, well...). I will now summarize my general positive and negative opinions about each candidate (if you care, or not, all are male).
Person A
+I've watched this person for the greater part of a year (by watch, I mean that I've followed most, though not, of their status updates on a facebook-ish website; but not actual Fbook because f*ck that noise~)
+so I know them fairly well and feel like they're a good fit for me (they're funny, employed, and close in age, all things I really want, not to mention... very gay)
-but I haven't really talked to them much at all, the one time I tried was several months ago and they laughed at me because I started complimenting them and openly declared I kinda liked them (*sigh*)
-they also (appear to) live in TX... I'm not a fan of Texas (it's too hot of a climate) and ugh... the thought of the state brings up mom issues for me (*deeper sigh*)
-and I'm worried they won't accept me because I'm not a bottom but I want to be with him and he's a (rather lewd) top
I mean it's important to me to consider if I can have sex with a person or not. I'm 23 and a virgin... and at times I feel like I'm the only person currently above the age of 20 that has not done anything sexual with anyone for their entire life. I don't want to be anally penetrated and I will not bend (lol) on this point for some time. You know there are other ways to get off than by pretending you're some straight ninny. (But no offense to all you straight ninnies that are in loving relationships and choose to have normal vaginal (or anal) sex). It's just... okay you're a man who likes men. So why do you have to stick it in his ass to show you love him that way? Why can't you just rub your sticks together... might start a fire, eh? P; But really, be more open minded... I've had a submissive friend who feels very similar to me. But they're actually submissive so them saying, "don't stick me," is obviously more jarring to some, I'm sure.
Victim B
+we've talked, on-and-off again since last February
+he approached me first, and replied favorably when I did pitch the possible idea of us dating at some point
-he hasn't really expressed much desire to see me, not as much as I've been almost begging to see him
-he's kinda bi-polar, one moment he is just fine and seems happy but then the next he breaks down and pushes me away over mistakes he makes over a month prior
-he goes for weeks, sometimes months, without speaking to me and this irks me to no end...
+if he would just open up and fucking say he wants me at times when I'm really wanting to hear it, I could forgive almost all of his flaws, but nope...
Why do you make it so difficult for me? Why can't you just say, "at least you're here" and tell me that you missed me... why can't I make you not feel so scared and worried over things? You make me feel so close yet so far... and I hate this duplicity. Not you, I just can't agree with your choice to avoid me when you so clearly need me to some extent. Stupid...
Exhibit C
+omg, so attractive
+I met him over two years ago
-but I still don't fully understand him
-I worry, being that this one has indeed had a lot of sex already, I worry that every time I try to approach him as a normal person that he feels inadequate, dirty because he's a little loose
+he is the closest person at present in terms of how far apart we are (physically)
+we share the most interests from what I can tell (mostly, this is in regards to video games)
-is he shy or what? getting him to talk to me feels like pulling teeth (and he's supposed to be an Aries... aren't fire types like not shy at all? I'm so often confused...)
I believe I've made it clear in several of my posts on here that I'm not thinking much about sex. Okay sure, I want it. If I'm dating someone for a month or so and they ask me to do them, I could see myself being ready to. The thing is... I haven't ever really been on a true date. And I want that so, soooo much. Simple dinner, movie, cuddling, gah, everything dammit! I only ask that you excuse my anger because being so deprived, left to feel so inadequate because my family picks at my appearance so damned much, (grandfather-weight, grandmother-hair and cleanliness, mother-weight again and if I try to talk to her about dating a guy I get a broken-record "use protection" mini-rant) well it makes it hard to talk about these things without wanting to drive my cranium through the nearest wall... *sigh*. Somewhat relieving to put to down, I guess. Later...
SH2
Monday, October 15, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
-makes untitled post-
Y'know, I noticed on the 'mobile phone preview' of my blog that the titles of posts get all screwed up, maybe when they're too many words long. Or something. Smushes the text over itself. It's a pain. Glad I have my PC to access the 'net with and not a cell or iCrap. Stupid technology~.
Early today I took a personality test. Not unusual, I do take them a lot in boredom. Most are pretty crap and the ones that are somewhat detailed you have to pay money or submit a phone # to. F*k that shit. The one I took today was different. All of the answers/choices were presented by pictures. So you either picked what picture you like best (duh) or try to think what each pic represents and then choose from there (thinking!). But since they were all visual-oriented, there's not really a correct answer. So this was my result, based on what I answered (relating to my hobbies and ideas):
"You're The Mystic
You don’t do shallow – if you like something, you love it, from your music to your sense of style. You’re a real sensitive soul. You aren’t afraid to ask the big questions, and that means you know yourself better than most. It also gives you a unique view of the world. Your attention can be hard won, but once it’s given you can be fiercely loyal. You bare your soul to the people you trust, and wear your heart on your sleeve.
That said, sometimes it is easier to stay in your own world. And why not, right? It’s a place where you’re totally free to be whoever you want, do whatever you want. You’re in control and the possibilities are limitless. Just be careful not to get sucked in too deep – other people can really expand your horizons, and help make your world bigger. Make sure that when you do want to say something people are around to hear it. You have a unique perspective on life and your opinions are just as important as everyone else’s.
Whether you want to change the world or just find your place in it, follow your heart and do what you love. If computers are what you really enjoy, think about how far you can take it. It’s all about the balance between hard work and fun. And you know hard work isn’t scary if it’s for something you really believe in."
Most of it does fit me I guess. Pah, well sure I'd love to share my ideas with people but so often is no one around when I have something important to say! I can't magically cause them to materialize before me--and y'know, when I say something and people give me half-assed replies, well I don't exactly feel well in sharing stuff with them : |. But, it's true that sometimes my attention can be hard to win. I hate being interrupted. But what I hate more is people who make excuses as to why they can't take out a second to respond. Especially when their excuse is personal and not even professionally related (i.e. to school or business). I find myself being interrupted plenty of times, but well, I try to take more responsibility for my actions. I actively take a moment out to check on morons at times and if you say nothing, DO NOT wonder why I haven't been talking to you. You reap what you sow. Do what I love? I guess... much as people bug me, I still keep trying to make connections and shit so... I suppose I am. | : Unsure.
Y'know, I noticed on the 'mobile phone preview' of my blog that the titles of posts get all screwed up, maybe when they're too many words long. Or something. Smushes the text over itself. It's a pain. Glad I have my PC to access the 'net with and not a cell or iCrap. Stupid technology~.
Early today I took a personality test. Not unusual, I do take them a lot in boredom. Most are pretty crap and the ones that are somewhat detailed you have to pay money or submit a phone # to. F*k that shit. The one I took today was different. All of the answers/choices were presented by pictures. So you either picked what picture you like best (duh) or try to think what each pic represents and then choose from there (thinking!). But since they were all visual-oriented, there's not really a correct answer. So this was my result, based on what I answered (relating to my hobbies and ideas):
"You're The Mystic
You don’t do shallow – if you like something, you love it, from your music to your sense of style. You’re a real sensitive soul. You aren’t afraid to ask the big questions, and that means you know yourself better than most. It also gives you a unique view of the world. Your attention can be hard won, but once it’s given you can be fiercely loyal. You bare your soul to the people you trust, and wear your heart on your sleeve.
That said, sometimes it is easier to stay in your own world. And why not, right? It’s a place where you’re totally free to be whoever you want, do whatever you want. You’re in control and the possibilities are limitless. Just be careful not to get sucked in too deep – other people can really expand your horizons, and help make your world bigger. Make sure that when you do want to say something people are around to hear it. You have a unique perspective on life and your opinions are just as important as everyone else’s.
Whether you want to change the world or just find your place in it, follow your heart and do what you love. If computers are what you really enjoy, think about how far you can take it. It’s all about the balance between hard work and fun. And you know hard work isn’t scary if it’s for something you really believe in."
Most of it does fit me I guess. Pah, well sure I'd love to share my ideas with people but so often is no one around when I have something important to say! I can't magically cause them to materialize before me--and y'know, when I say something and people give me half-assed replies, well I don't exactly feel well in sharing stuff with them : |. But, it's true that sometimes my attention can be hard to win. I hate being interrupted. But what I hate more is people who make excuses as to why they can't take out a second to respond. Especially when their excuse is personal and not even professionally related (i.e. to school or business). I find myself being interrupted plenty of times, but well, I try to take more responsibility for my actions. I actively take a moment out to check on morons at times and if you say nothing, DO NOT wonder why I haven't been talking to you. You reap what you sow. Do what I love? I guess... much as people bug me, I still keep trying to make connections and shit so... I suppose I am. | : Unsure.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
On my characters~ (Why not?)
Need to brighten this place up a little, y'know? I do write by pure hobby so yeah, I have plenty of original characters up my sleeve. Most are based off people I know to some degree other than a common name or nickname shared with the character in question. Not like anyone actually reads this blog anyway but eh, may as well put some stuff up--less for me to have to remember all the time.
--I can't draw to save my life so accept some meager spliced Fire Emblem GBA mugs I made for my characters before, hahaha--
--I can't draw to save my life so accept some meager spliced Fire Emblem GBA mugs I made for my characters before, hahaha--
Ranmaru "Ran" Arcato
(wow, I love the image resize option xD)
Recurring Age: 20~22 (depicted)
Height: 6'3.5"
Weight: 220~250 lbs (not depicted)
Hair Color: Dark Auburn (depicted)
Skin Color: Light (depicted)
Eye Color: Dark Brown (not depicted)
Blood Type: A
Birthday: 18 June
Sexuality/Position: Homosexual/Top(Versatile)
General Personality:
-active listener
-stubborn; does not like following rules or standards and sticks to own ideas until proven unsuccessful
-calm, easy-going
-pacifistic
-easily offended but quick to forgive and/or compromise
-unbiasedly kind, can easily empathize with others regardless of background or upbringing
-fairly patient but also tends to procrastinate
Issues/Quirks:
-extreme fear of most flying insects, especially bees (allergic)
-post traumatic stress (cause: maternal neglect)
-does not like appearing fully naked in front of anyone, despite frequently spending private time in boxers and casual shirt
-the sight of other peoples' blood unsettles him
Shameless self-insert, go! Nah, only Ran's basic personality is based off me. The appearance is different and I'd say he probably reacts less snootier than I sometimes do. Not that I'm haughty per-se, but my honesty doesn't always mean I say things tactfully. His heritage and parts of his past are of course different. Actually, I'm too tired now to really go into detail or even to put up another character yet, so, for now this'll be all I put forth. Be seeing you non-readers again later!
Rambling...
I think some kind of bird has a name similar to the word... was it brambling? Maybe not.
Buhh.... why do I miss him this much? I mean I can easily go weeks, months without so much as a subconscious thought and then I get one dream that just vaguely hints at him still existing in my head and BAM! He's near all I can think about when I stop trying to occupy myself with video game stuff.
Hmm, pokemon is still fun after all these years, despite me not really hyping it up as much as I did in my youth. I like all the monsters--it's like people, everyone's different, with various "natures" and personality types as a result. My friend recently compared me to a Togepi. A personality test someone made did say I was most like a Togetic, lol, so I guess I don't mind much xD. What would the guy on my mind most often of late be? Possibly a Zubat... maybe a Tentacool? Then again, he may be kinda big so perhaps a Teddiursa? It does become Ursaring in time, afterall. I should use Ursaring more often. Currently I'm playing Drayano's totally awesome Fire Red Omega hack and I actually like the premise of being able to catch all the pokemon (well, all in gen III in this case) in a single game. My favorite pokemon of each generation would probably be... Hypno, Umbreon, Milotic (pain to get), and I don't have a fave in gen IV yet, I only just started platinum a few months ago and of course I've yet to touch gen V, haha.
Gahh... and when I look through some of uh, "the stash" (yeah so I keep some of my preferred porn pics together, what man doesn't?), I can't help but wish I was with him and doing some of those things. I mean this one gif of a guy doing his bottom while the bottom is spanking him lightly, in tandem with the grind... soooo hot, my god. Fill my head, it does! You know, mind with ideas. I handle my arousal just fine, thank you very much :[. He could handle it anytime, but apparently I make him explode so... all in moderation? I guess this is just my general perviness, it's that sort of time of the month ;~;.
Is it possible I don't really want to put him behind me because I do still love him and genuinely want to know if he's happy or hell--if I can make him happy? And not in the sexual, flirtatious way but because I long for his attention, his presence in general? All possible, I guess. I mean I know I was moved by his kindness and humor and gee, I think those are all I really need to sell me on liking someone. It helps if they don't smoke and if we have some more things in common. It helps even more if they aren't shallow pricks either and can accept someone not in wtf!impossible physical condition and just want them to be healthy even if they are healthy. Those are all things I can give to people, too. I would say he's done that for the most part. I wonder if we could have a spark again... perhaps, but that's all I can say on it, realistically.
Casey is such a sweet name, isn't it? It's not the most common or uncommon by most means and I can say the same about well, what I remember clearly about him. Pfff, now I'm just fanboying, look at me. I sorta wonder if I have any fans though, lol. I'm sure if I were my own fan though, I'd wig myself a tiny bit. But I mean well at least and I think I could see that. I'm getting better at handling my words, I think. Well, see yas! ♥
Buhh.... why do I miss him this much? I mean I can easily go weeks, months without so much as a subconscious thought and then I get one dream that just vaguely hints at him still existing in my head and BAM! He's near all I can think about when I stop trying to occupy myself with video game stuff.
Hmm, pokemon is still fun after all these years, despite me not really hyping it up as much as I did in my youth. I like all the monsters--it's like people, everyone's different, with various "natures" and personality types as a result. My friend recently compared me to a Togepi. A personality test someone made did say I was most like a Togetic, lol, so I guess I don't mind much xD. What would the guy on my mind most often of late be? Possibly a Zubat... maybe a Tentacool? Then again, he may be kinda big so perhaps a Teddiursa? It does become Ursaring in time, afterall. I should use Ursaring more often. Currently I'm playing Drayano's totally awesome Fire Red Omega hack and I actually like the premise of being able to catch all the pokemon (well, all in gen III in this case) in a single game. My favorite pokemon of each generation would probably be... Hypno, Umbreon, Milotic (pain to get), and I don't have a fave in gen IV yet, I only just started platinum a few months ago and of course I've yet to touch gen V, haha.
Gahh... and when I look through some of uh, "the stash" (yeah so I keep some of my preferred porn pics together, what man doesn't?), I can't help but wish I was with him and doing some of those things. I mean this one gif of a guy doing his bottom while the bottom is spanking him lightly, in tandem with the grind... soooo hot, my god. Fill my head, it does! You know, mind with ideas. I handle my arousal just fine, thank you very much :[. He could handle it anytime, but apparently I make him explode so... all in moderation? I guess this is just my general perviness, it's that sort of time of the month ;~;.
Is it possible I don't really want to put him behind me because I do still love him and genuinely want to know if he's happy or hell--if I can make him happy? And not in the sexual, flirtatious way but because I long for his attention, his presence in general? All possible, I guess. I mean I know I was moved by his kindness and humor and gee, I think those are all I really need to sell me on liking someone. It helps if they don't smoke and if we have some more things in common. It helps even more if they aren't shallow pricks either and can accept someone not in wtf!impossible physical condition and just want them to be healthy even if they are healthy. Those are all things I can give to people, too. I would say he's done that for the most part. I wonder if we could have a spark again... perhaps, but that's all I can say on it, realistically.
Casey is such a sweet name, isn't it? It's not the most common or uncommon by most means and I can say the same about well, what I remember clearly about him. Pfff, now I'm just fanboying, look at me. I sorta wonder if I have any fans though, lol. I'm sure if I were my own fan though, I'd wig myself a tiny bit. But I mean well at least and I think I could see that. I'm getting better at handling my words, I think. Well, see yas! ♥
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Some Resolve...
Not very long ago I had this dream. Well, I'll just summarize because it was really fragmented as a whole. But my memory's always been fairly good at things like this. Anyway, during said dream, a representation of a friend I've lost former contact with, but value our time together quite a lot, was holding himself at gunpoint, to his head, about to... you know. But somehow, I talked him out of it. And he lived, altering his angle at the last moment and just blowing away some space in front of his cranium. But he was alive and the remainder of the dream, I think I tried everything I could to get to him to well, tell him how happy I was he chose to live.
And that's the gist of the dream I had, So well, I think I'm ready to try with the whole "meeting people" again. Sorta been skirting around it lately but well... if I can make any difference in anyone's life, and hopefully something positive like well, just wanting to live for me or well, because one realizes how important they are to someone else. Even though I don't receive much reinforcement from my own family, I at least think I should try--so, that's mostly why I could never kill myself. Asides just being really scared of physical pain most of the time, that helps too, lol. I hate taking pills, cigarette smoke gives me asthma attacks, and f*ck alcohol, soda's enough of a calorie-bomb. Hah~.
Mmmmph, memories of my friend, the non-death-looming bits of course, always fill me with well--the oddest joy. This one because it was truly an emotional and attachment based on our wanting to be in a relationship. And though we weren't always in full agreement... the cybersex was really good for me--mind you at that time I mainly communicated love with sex and unadulterated affection. Nowadays, I do it more through more carefully picked words, not so much NC-17 and more PG with a touch of R. Afterall, I rarely curse (lol) and well, I don't really see sex as anything to be vulgar or primal about. And I also don't want to hypothetically hop into bed shortly after feeling an attachment with anyone like I did at that time. It's interesting as well in that, well, sometimes I could see myself bottoming for him, but pretty much only him have I ever been totally okay with the idea. My next-biggest attachment (*coughalexanderisnothisrealnamecough*) never managed that, at least not me actually agreeing with the suggestion. So, that says something~.
So, I'm just going to keep my options open. At least until I feel ready to commit, hopefully to someone as pure yet so... dark, as my C-. He really made me feel things. I guess that's why I love him, lol. And because I can feel things, I can continue to love people time and again. ^~^
And that's the gist of the dream I had, So well, I think I'm ready to try with the whole "meeting people" again. Sorta been skirting around it lately but well... if I can make any difference in anyone's life, and hopefully something positive like well, just wanting to live for me or well, because one realizes how important they are to someone else. Even though I don't receive much reinforcement from my own family, I at least think I should try--so, that's mostly why I could never kill myself. Asides just being really scared of physical pain most of the time, that helps too, lol. I hate taking pills, cigarette smoke gives me asthma attacks, and f*ck alcohol, soda's enough of a calorie-bomb. Hah~.
Mmmmph, memories of my friend, the non-death-looming bits of course, always fill me with well--the oddest joy. This one because it was truly an emotional and attachment based on our wanting to be in a relationship. And though we weren't always in full agreement... the cybersex was really good for me--mind you at that time I mainly communicated love with sex and unadulterated affection. Nowadays, I do it more through more carefully picked words, not so much NC-17 and more PG with a touch of R. Afterall, I rarely curse (lol) and well, I don't really see sex as anything to be vulgar or primal about. And I also don't want to hypothetically hop into bed shortly after feeling an attachment with anyone like I did at that time. It's interesting as well in that, well, sometimes I could see myself bottoming for him, but pretty much only him have I ever been totally okay with the idea. My next-biggest attachment (*coughalexanderisnothisrealnamecough*) never managed that, at least not me actually agreeing with the suggestion. So, that says something~.
So, I'm just going to keep my options open. At least until I feel ready to commit, hopefully to someone as pure yet so... dark, as my C-. He really made me feel things. I guess that's why I love him, lol. And because I can feel things, I can continue to love people time and again. ^~^
Monday, June 18, 2012
In Which I Tell You the Difference Between Men & Women
Oh don't worry. It's nothing that convoluted. Basically it boils down to:
-Women talk about their feelings
-Men feel out their feelings
-And this blogger does both
Oh. My. God. I must be a hermaphrodite.... AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, alright. Silliness aside, it's pretty true, eh? A guy won't respond as favorably if you just tell him in words, he needs to be f*cked. Why else do you think he wants sex all the time, ladies? And my boys, you know your wife doesn't really care how good you are to her in bed, as long as you listen (or pretend to) and take responsibility for crap (this usually means paying for crap). Sheesh, no wonder people usually divorce as much as they get married, or even more if you're talking about the USA, hah~.
Myself? Both are pretty important. I see myself working both into my relationships to good effect--I like to balance things out, so after I've made your loins explode in love juices, I'll sit and be more than happy to hear about your dreams, ideas, anything really. I really can't do with too much or too little of either of them, y'know? I want to make love to you but I also want to just kill time talking about well, shit--I sure do waste time talking about random things, lol. That would probably explain why like every second or third conversation I have with would-be lovers is laced with sexual advances and romantics, hehe, I'm such a tease at times xD. Perhaps it's because I don't see people much in person that I'm more willing to be open on the internet--I want to find someone who wants to get all that I have to offer, word?
"I'd be most content with a 9 to 5 job, then coming home to f*ck my man-wife until he screams like a banshee," yes, yes I would. That's literally a sentence I thought to myself earlier today (yesterday for you technical kooks). Maybe without the cursing--what? I don't get any kick from using dumb language... my vocabulary is pretty expansive, dear wanderer. Don't you just love the auto-censoring that some forums use, especially if you're viewing it as a guest? Heh, well let it be known that if you are my lover (boyfriend is too casual a word) I will indeed gently caress you, hard. You're very welcome.
Okay, so onto the talking part I guess. I just feel better when people make an effort to talk to me--I mean at present I really have nothing better to do than be talking to people, but it's more than that. My mom does not make any efforts to keep up conversation with me, either. Okay? I'm not asking for your sympathy but I would appreciate a little effort from you, if you sincerely find yourself interested in me. In part because I'm really, really used to and tired of people forgetting about me... and I'm her first born son of all things. You'd think she'd give enough of a shit about me... people are so dumb, sometimes. *sigh*
Ultimately, I would like to have a family someday. A family that I've been deprived of for a long time already, hah, but I mentioned so already. Could adopt a kid or two if the man-wife is up to it, you know? If not, that's fine too. I just hope to find some limp-inducing, hip-breaking love eventually. What? Sex-related injuries are bound to happen if one gets too into the thrusting (but admittedly I'm pretty slow and sensual when it comes down too it, I doubt I'd be thrusting him too fast unless he outright asks for it... yes, too much information) lolol.
Take care, random people who read this.
-Women talk about their feelings
-Men feel out their feelings
-And this blogger does both
Oh. My. God. I must be a hermaphrodite.... AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, alright. Silliness aside, it's pretty true, eh? A guy won't respond as favorably if you just tell him in words, he needs to be f*cked. Why else do you think he wants sex all the time, ladies? And my boys, you know your wife doesn't really care how good you are to her in bed, as long as you listen (or pretend to) and take responsibility for crap (this usually means paying for crap). Sheesh, no wonder people usually divorce as much as they get married, or even more if you're talking about the USA, hah~.
Myself? Both are pretty important. I see myself working both into my relationships to good effect--I like to balance things out, so after I've made your loins explode in love juices, I'll sit and be more than happy to hear about your dreams, ideas, anything really. I really can't do with too much or too little of either of them, y'know? I want to make love to you but I also want to just kill time talking about well, shit--I sure do waste time talking about random things, lol. That would probably explain why like every second or third conversation I have with would-be lovers is laced with sexual advances and romantics, hehe, I'm such a tease at times xD. Perhaps it's because I don't see people much in person that I'm more willing to be open on the internet--I want to find someone who wants to get all that I have to offer, word?
"I'd be most content with a 9 to 5 job, then coming home to f*ck my man-wife until he screams like a banshee," yes, yes I would. That's literally a sentence I thought to myself earlier today (yesterday for you technical kooks). Maybe without the cursing--what? I don't get any kick from using dumb language... my vocabulary is pretty expansive, dear wanderer. Don't you just love the auto-censoring that some forums use, especially if you're viewing it as a guest? Heh, well let it be known that if you are my lover (boyfriend is too casual a word) I will indeed gently caress you, hard. You're very welcome.
Okay, so onto the talking part I guess. I just feel better when people make an effort to talk to me--I mean at present I really have nothing better to do than be talking to people, but it's more than that. My mom does not make any efforts to keep up conversation with me, either. Okay? I'm not asking for your sympathy but I would appreciate a little effort from you, if you sincerely find yourself interested in me. In part because I'm really, really used to and tired of people forgetting about me... and I'm her first born son of all things. You'd think she'd give enough of a shit about me... people are so dumb, sometimes. *sigh*
Ultimately, I would like to have a family someday. A family that I've been deprived of for a long time already, hah, but I mentioned so already. Could adopt a kid or two if the man-wife is up to it, you know? If not, that's fine too. I just hope to find some limp-inducing, hip-breaking love eventually. What? Sex-related injuries are bound to happen if one gets too into the thrusting (but admittedly I'm pretty slow and sensual when it comes down too it, I doubt I'd be thrusting him too fast unless he outright asks for it... yes, too much information) lolol.
Take care, random people who read this.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Back in a Second to Do Stuff! *wiggle*
What? I like The Amanda Show; I'm a normal 90s kid so I grew up with All That and whatnot that later lead into Miss Bynes' interesting career~.
Show references asides, hmm, I'm just feeling "meh" of late. Not a bad "meh" but just a could-be-better "meh", and there's little I personally can do to actually make it be better. I consider myself a fairly stand-up individual; by that I mean, if I say I'll do something or are asked to do something, I'll do it. If I should not want to do it, I will indeed tell you "no" and proceed to not do it, too. While I don't expect everyone to really be as forthright, I do think people should try. So I'm a little disappointed. My "not-boyfriend" (you need to watch Season 3 of Buffy to get that reference...) asked me to call him last weekend (i.e. approximately 9 days before this post) and so I do. Happiness was had. While we're talking, he explains his lapse in communication of late (mainly due to work, you 9-5ers surely understand) and implies he wants to call me again in about a week from then. So, naturally I spent the last 3 days anticipating his return call (we had spoken for an hour and generally I don't detect much flakiness from him). He doesn't call. And so I'm left wondering if he's okay, if he just plumb forgot or what other shit is keeping him from calling me. I want to let you all know something very, Very important--THIS IS NOT OKAY!! I mean, dude! I just... is that any fair at all? I don't like people who don't pick up their damn slack. Relationships are built around trust which must be fortified CONSTANTLY by open communication. Look, we all have bad days, y'know? Why--WHY do you blockheads always insist on taking on everything alone!? Do you ever think that just maybe, idk, someone somewhere wants to be with you, that they want you even when you don't want yourself. If it's possible for your parents to put up with your life for at least 18 years, why is it so hard to let others put up with it for 1 or 2 hours out of 168(the # of hours in a week)? I just... want that much. I miss you, okay, a damned lot. And it's because I think I may finally be in the love I have been waiting for and denied most of my life from my own family and friends I've treated as such. I don't know. But I must be feeling something--tears are itching my eyes, lol. Ah, it's not like a show of waterworks or anything. I just don't like feeling forgotten, I doubt I ever will handle it well.
I guess I found one thing that will push my patience with this one though, hah! I don't really pick much on people's flaws but I can surely notice and accept them. Being forgetful isn't that bad (hey, he told me his day-to-day memory sucks). I'm more likely to worry about people because I more easily put other's well-being before my own. And sometimes I neglect myself. Just like, I'm not assed to be "clean" as much as most people would probably agree with. But that doesn't mean I also have poor manners or messy habits--I don't. I'm often complimented with how polite I am towards people, as a matter of fact. And it's not something I really need to think about, I just am honest with people. If you don't act like a moron or amoeba of a person, then I will probably treat you with due congeniality. I'm quick to offend but just as quick to get over it or compromise. I don't like to show immediately when things bother me, I have to let them fester and nag at me until I am drawn to tears over it, in general. But usually I will feel much better after finally letting it out--and I do have a lot to let out~. So that explains this blog, doesn't it? xD
I'm not actually mad at him at all, y'know? I'm just lonely, pretty much. I like having other people to spend time with so I can focus on them and their needs, and through them, also work out my own issues. It sounds fair to me, I just wish others would do so, too. I like being noticed if mostly because, most people ignore me, lol. If people did, they'd probably be less uptight about everything though! Since I'm so honest with people, my hope is that they can be put at ease, y'know? I don't care so much about what all happened to you in your life--you're still a person on this plane of reality, just like me. Why shouldn't I care about you if, at the simplest level, you're me and so by caring for you, I'm able to care more about myself? And just look at dis face...
Don't you just want to give it a pinch? xD Idk, I think it's alright or so--I don't look in mirrors very much!
Anywho, let's turn off the stupidly awesome highway of my mind a moment and discuss the awesome phenomena of Next Food Network Star, 'kay? Because cooking is win, duh!
This is the uh, 8th season of it I think. Most know how epic Guy is (Fieri, who else?) but hey, the 1st season had a couple win, two gay dudes no less! Now that's truly a rarity but I can dig it, of course. It's certainly an interesting idea, though I'm not really big on entertaining (which was their show's theme). Amy Finnely (or w/e) I like as a person but French cooking isn't really a big draw for me (my favorite cuisines tend to be Italian, Spanish/Mexican or Asian--particularly Chinese/Japanese dishes). Next was Aaron and he's a rather cool dude (certainly nice to look at). And I tend to like people with a strong sense of family values--they're often good people (but not always--just watch some of the (fictional) characters on Law & Order: SVU). Melissa was next I think; I do watch her show as often as I'm able although I don't think I get much from it; I think she's a nice lady and that alone makes me want to watch her cook, in general. Aarti's certainly awesome and you don't see Indian cuisine mentioned much on American TV, 's all good. Jeff is probably the main winner I'm most indifferent towards. He's okay and all but eh--I don't feel much draw towards him, y'know?
So, people I like this season. Probably the most of any season so far! Michele, Judson, Malcolm, Ippy and Emily are my favorites. Of the currently remaining finalists, Nikki is my least favorite. Sure she has a POV and seems to be able to cook well but--asides being a fervently passionate female grill-est (loves to utilize the grill, I mean), I don't really get anything from her. And I think she uses too much makeup, just my opinion though. Although she has proven cooking ability, I just don't like her, she'd have been the first to go if it was all going by solo ability and I was prosecuting. I'm pulling emotionally for Judson to do better and Michele, too. Both have been slipping and they just seem like such likable people, it sucks to watch them flounder the way they have been recently--because they both started on good notes and I, personally, picked them out first as ones I would like to watch, should they manage to win (hence why they're listed 1st). Of the finalists who are currently remaining (they've already nixed four), I wouldn't mind if Justin or Martie won. I'm not especially drawn to the others (Linkie, Yvan, Martita) but, I'm pretty much fine with anyone except Nikki as it stands now. If I should manage to see some personal growth from her, I could change my opinion, maybe.
Take care, whoever reads this~. Laters! ♥
Show references asides, hmm, I'm just feeling "meh" of late. Not a bad "meh" but just a could-be-better "meh", and there's little I personally can do to actually make it be better. I consider myself a fairly stand-up individual; by that I mean, if I say I'll do something or are asked to do something, I'll do it. If I should not want to do it, I will indeed tell you "no" and proceed to not do it, too. While I don't expect everyone to really be as forthright, I do think people should try. So I'm a little disappointed. My "not-boyfriend" (you need to watch Season 3 of Buffy to get that reference...) asked me to call him last weekend (i.e. approximately 9 days before this post) and so I do. Happiness was had. While we're talking, he explains his lapse in communication of late (mainly due to work, you 9-5ers surely understand) and implies he wants to call me again in about a week from then. So, naturally I spent the last 3 days anticipating his return call (we had spoken for an hour and generally I don't detect much flakiness from him). He doesn't call. And so I'm left wondering if he's okay, if he just plumb forgot or what other shit is keeping him from calling me. I want to let you all know something very, Very important--THIS IS NOT OKAY!! I mean, dude! I just... is that any fair at all? I don't like people who don't pick up their damn slack. Relationships are built around trust which must be fortified CONSTANTLY by open communication. Look, we all have bad days, y'know? Why--WHY do you blockheads always insist on taking on everything alone!? Do you ever think that just maybe, idk, someone somewhere wants to be with you, that they want you even when you don't want yourself. If it's possible for your parents to put up with your life for at least 18 years, why is it so hard to let others put up with it for 1 or 2 hours out of 168(the # of hours in a week)? I just... want that much. I miss you, okay, a damned lot. And it's because I think I may finally be in the love I have been waiting for and denied most of my life from my own family and friends I've treated as such. I don't know. But I must be feeling something--tears are itching my eyes, lol. Ah, it's not like a show of waterworks or anything. I just don't like feeling forgotten, I doubt I ever will handle it well.
I guess I found one thing that will push my patience with this one though, hah! I don't really pick much on people's flaws but I can surely notice and accept them. Being forgetful isn't that bad (hey, he told me his day-to-day memory sucks). I'm more likely to worry about people because I more easily put other's well-being before my own. And sometimes I neglect myself. Just like, I'm not assed to be "clean" as much as most people would probably agree with. But that doesn't mean I also have poor manners or messy habits--I don't. I'm often complimented with how polite I am towards people, as a matter of fact. And it's not something I really need to think about, I just am honest with people. If you don't act like a moron or amoeba of a person, then I will probably treat you with due congeniality. I'm quick to offend but just as quick to get over it or compromise. I don't like to show immediately when things bother me, I have to let them fester and nag at me until I am drawn to tears over it, in general. But usually I will feel much better after finally letting it out--and I do have a lot to let out~. So that explains this blog, doesn't it? xD
I'm not actually mad at him at all, y'know? I'm just lonely, pretty much. I like having other people to spend time with so I can focus on them and their needs, and through them, also work out my own issues. It sounds fair to me, I just wish others would do so, too. I like being noticed if mostly because, most people ignore me, lol. If people did, they'd probably be less uptight about everything though! Since I'm so honest with people, my hope is that they can be put at ease, y'know? I don't care so much about what all happened to you in your life--you're still a person on this plane of reality, just like me. Why shouldn't I care about you if, at the simplest level, you're me and so by caring for you, I'm able to care more about myself? And just look at dis face...
Anywho, let's turn off the stupidly awesome highway of my mind a moment and discuss the awesome phenomena of Next Food Network Star, 'kay? Because cooking is win, duh!
This is the uh, 8th season of it I think. Most know how epic Guy is (Fieri, who else?) but hey, the 1st season had a couple win, two gay dudes no less! Now that's truly a rarity but I can dig it, of course. It's certainly an interesting idea, though I'm not really big on entertaining (which was their show's theme). Amy Finnely (or w/e) I like as a person but French cooking isn't really a big draw for me (my favorite cuisines tend to be Italian, Spanish/Mexican or Asian--particularly Chinese/Japanese dishes). Next was Aaron and he's a rather cool dude (certainly nice to look at). And I tend to like people with a strong sense of family values--they're often good people (but not always--just watch some of the (fictional) characters on Law & Order: SVU). Melissa was next I think; I do watch her show as often as I'm able although I don't think I get much from it; I think she's a nice lady and that alone makes me want to watch her cook, in general. Aarti's certainly awesome and you don't see Indian cuisine mentioned much on American TV, 's all good. Jeff is probably the main winner I'm most indifferent towards. He's okay and all but eh--I don't feel much draw towards him, y'know?
So, people I like this season. Probably the most of any season so far! Michele, Judson, Malcolm, Ippy and Emily are my favorites. Of the currently remaining finalists, Nikki is my least favorite. Sure she has a POV and seems to be able to cook well but--asides being a fervently passionate female grill-est (loves to utilize the grill, I mean), I don't really get anything from her. And I think she uses too much makeup, just my opinion though. Although she has proven cooking ability, I just don't like her, she'd have been the first to go if it was all going by solo ability and I was prosecuting. I'm pulling emotionally for Judson to do better and Michele, too. Both have been slipping and they just seem like such likable people, it sucks to watch them flounder the way they have been recently--because they both started on good notes and I, personally, picked them out first as ones I would like to watch, should they manage to win (hence why they're listed 1st). Of the finalists who are currently remaining (they've already nixed four), I wouldn't mind if Justin or Martie won. I'm not especially drawn to the others (Linkie, Yvan, Martita) but, I'm pretty much fine with anyone except Nikki as it stands now. If I should manage to see some personal growth from her, I could change my opinion, maybe.
Take care, whoever reads this~. Laters! ♥
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