I was inspired to fill out my own "yes-no-maybe" list after the "true end" of a webcomic series I love dearly was presented today. It's going to be very detailed, so let it be know that YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Anyway, some preface notes:
1). I am a virgin, so all my answers will be as close as I can accurately give based solely on what I want/don't want.
2). In all questions referring to a partner, I will be under the assumption that my partner is either:
A - a homosexual and biological male
or
B - a biological female who identifies as a homosexual male and prefers a homosexual male as his sex partner with the verbal agreement that no attention will be paid to the birth parts between his front legs
No offense to anyone, I just really don't feel comfortable thinking physical intimacy with women at all. And if it matters to anyone, I'd prefer my partner be no more than 4 years younger or 12 years older than me, regardless of how old I end up before truly having intercourse on a semi-regular basis.
All answers are for me, mind you. So, let it begin!
Body Boundaries
Q - Having a partner touch me affectionately without asking first
A - yes
Q - Touching a partner affectionately without asking first
A - yes; sometimes at least
Q - Having a partner touch me sexually without asking first
A - maybe; moreso if we already have had sex once already
Q - Touching a partner sexually without asking first
A - maybe; but I'd prefer to ask first, usually
Q - Having a partner touch me affectionately in public
A - yes (please)
Q - Touching a partner affectionately in public
A - yes; if they tell me so
Q - Having a partner touch me sexually in public
A - maybe; probably yes, though I hope its at least semi-discreet
Q - Touching a partner sexually in public
A - maybe; if they ask me to or heavily hint at it?
Q - Having my shirt/top off with a partner
Having a partner's shirt/top off
Having my pants/bottoms off with a partner
Having a partner's pants/bottoms off
A - yes to all
Q - Being completely naked with a partner with the lights off or low
Having a partner be completely naked with the lights off or low
Having a partner be completely naked with the lights on
A - yes to these, but...
Q - Being completely naked with a partner with the lights on
A - maybe~leaning no on this one
Q - Direct eye contact
A - yes; unless they tell me of a personal problem w/ it
Q - Being looked at directly, overall, when I am naked
A - maybe; I'm shy about my body
Q - Grooming or toileting in front of a partner
A - maybe; if they say they're ok w/ it
Q - Having a partner groom/use the toilet in front of me
A - no thanks
Q - Having my genitals looked at directly
A - yes
Q - Having a partner talk about my body
A - maybe; if they feel like it, though I don't prefer it
Q - Talking about a partner's body
A - no; unless they ask me to
Q - Having some or all of a disability, identity or difference I have be specifically made part of sex, sexualized or objectified
Having some or all of a disability, identity or difference a partner has be specifically made part of sex,
sexualized or objectified
A - no to both
Q - Seeing or being exposed to other kinds of body fluids
(like semen, sweat or urine)
A - maybe; yes on semen and sweat; NO to the third one
Q - Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair
A - yes
Q - Shaving/trimming/removing a partner's pubic hair
A - maybe; though I wouldn't ask to sit in on it but if they need my help, I guess
Some parts of my body are just off-limits. Those are: I don't think there are any. But I'm Very, VERY ticklish in most places. (Like, can't-stop-kicking level of ticklish).
I am not comfortable looking at, touching or feeling some parts of another person's body. Those are: I pretty much mentioned this in my intro~.
What helps me feel most comfortable being naked with someone? What are ways a partner does or may talk about my body make or could make me feel uncomfortable? What do I "count" as sexual touching and what do I consider affectionate touching?
Um, when you (my partner) talk about things you like about me besides my body, like while we're naked. And then between your points, kiss me in various places. Like, show that you notice things most people probably take for granted (it's the little things, people!). Basically I don't ever like my weight or size of things ever being talked about by other people asides myself. Period. So just avoid that and we're cool. I like when people appreciate my ideas and overall effort I put into things--recognize how passionate I am and I could hardly be happier! Sexual touching is basically any touch of my backside, privates or upper chest around the nipples and I don't prefer that unless you are really in the mood. I'm pretty much as turned on as my partner is or isn't at the time. Take that as you want~.
Words & Terms
I prefer the following gender/sexual identity or role words (like man, woman, boi, femme, butch, top, etc.) to be used for me: Man, Sir
I prefer my chest or breasts be referred to as: Chest (maybe "moobs", in jokes only)
I prefer my genitals to be referred to as: Penis/Cock/Stick
I prefer my sexual orientation and/or identity to be referred to as: Homo/Queer/"Nine-Tenths Gay"
Some words I am not okay with to refer to me, my identity, my body, or which I am uncomfortable using or hearing about, with or during any kind of sex are: Fag; being called a girl or having any part of my body called by a part normally belonging to females (i.e. "pussy", "breasts", etc.)
Are certain words okay in some settings or situations but not in others? How flexible am I with what a partner might want to call something I like calling something else?
I will be flexible depending on how long I've known you and we've talked. In short, expect me to be very inflexible for the first month or two of knowing you, even if we've started on sex by then. I hope that's reasonable.
Stay tuned when next I cover subjects such as: relationship models, safe sex and sexual responses~!
Lol, as if anyone really reads my blog seriously. See ya, weirdos! xD
SH2
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Why I don't write poems
Well, at least I usually don't. I don't think I'm very poetic or very good at them. I like free verse. I hate structure and being told what to do. But sometimes I come up with a cheesy rhyme when I'm not really trying. Today I did manage to think of one, though.
(no title)
Would you let me sing
in order to bring
an end to everything, dear?
All of the pain
that constantly strains
upon your heart, dear?
Yet, 'tween all the rain
waits something to gain;
can you see--it's me, dear?
>_> Well, it's um... not too specific I guess. *shrug* I mean I think anyone could relate to it somewhat and it's sorta original, I think. I don't know, too many things are already done and copyrighted and blah blah blah. So, meh... I don't even understand why I sound so... gloomy? Whiny? Bah... Poems are dumb. And I can't even get myself to write stories much because they often end up angst-ridden, crazy sex pieces. Or something. I guess I should expect this from never being laid, ehhh. *shrug*
(no title)
Would you let me sing
in order to bring
an end to everything, dear?
All of the pain
that constantly strains
upon your heart, dear?
Yet, 'tween all the rain
waits something to gain;
can you see--it's me, dear?
>_> Well, it's um... not too specific I guess. *shrug* I mean I think anyone could relate to it somewhat and it's sorta original, I think. I don't know, too many things are already done and copyrighted and blah blah blah. So, meh... I don't even understand why I sound so... gloomy? Whiny? Bah... Poems are dumb. And I can't even get myself to write stories much because they often end up angst-ridden, crazy sex pieces. Or something. I guess I should expect this from never being laid, ehhh. *shrug*
Friday, December 28, 2012
In which I respond to someone's tumblr thingamabob~
Have you ever...?
- 1. Taken a picture naked
- 2. Painted your room?
- 3. Kissed a member of the same sex?
- 4. Drove a car?
- 5. Danced in front of your mirror?
- 6. Had a crush?
- 7. Been dumped?
- 8. Stole money from a friend?
- 9. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
- 10. Been in a fist fight?
- 11. Sneaked out of your house?
- 12. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
- 13. Been arrested?
- 14. Made out with a stranger?
- 15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
- 16. Left your house without telling your parents?
- 17. Had a crush on your neighbor?
- 18. Ditched school to do something more fun?
- 19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?
- 20. Seen someone die?
- 21. Been on a plane?
- 22. Kissed a picture?
- 23. Slept in until 3 PM?
- 24. Love someone or miss someone right now?
- 25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
- 26. Made a snow angel?
- 27. Played dress up?
- 28. Cheated while playing a game?
- 29. Been lonely?
- 30. Fallen asleep at work/school?
- 31. Been to a club?
- 32. Felt an earthquake?
- 33. Touched a snake?
- 34. Ran a red light?
- 35. Been suspended from school?
- 36. Had detention?
- 37. Been in a car accident?
- 38. Hated the way you look?
- 39. Witnessed a crime?
- 40. Pole danced?
- 41. Been lost?
- 42. Been to the opposite side of the country?
- 43. Felt like dying?
- 44. Cried yourself to sleep?
- 45. Sang karaoke?
- 46. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
- 47. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
- 48. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
- 49. Kissed in the rain?
- 50. Sang in the shower?
- 51. Made out in a park?
- 52. Dream that you married someone?
- 53. Glued your hand to something?
- 54. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?
- 55. Ever gone to school partially naked?
- 56. Been a cheerleader?
- 57. Sat on a roof top?
- 58. Brushed your teeth?
- 59. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?
- 60. Played chicken?
- 61. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
- 62. Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?
- 63. Broken a bone?
- 64. Been easily amused?
- 65. Laughed so hard you cried?
- 66. Mooned/flashed someone?
- 67. Cheated on a test?
- 68. Forgotten someone’s name?
- 69. Slept naked?
1. Yes, I do this at random and usually delete them right away (via my webcam).
2. Nope, I consider it work and I dislike most work to be honest...
3. Obviously... (that means yes).
4. Nope. Just go carts once, apparently rather badly.
5. Probably.
6. Define "crush".
7. Yep.
8. No.
9. Define "just met". (Technically, yes.)
10. I don't think so.
11. Actually I have sneaked back into my house, haha.
12. I believe so.
13. No.
14. No.
15. Yep. And I'm counting this as in order to date or hang, just so you know.
16. Technically. (Does it count if your parent isn't home usually anyway?)
17. Nope.
18. No. When I didn't go to school I stayed home.
19. Define "slept with". (Technically, yes.)
20. Never in person.
21. Yes.
22. Yep.
23. Yep.
24. Indeed.
25. Maybe, I don't remember precisely.
26. Yes.
27. Technically.
28. No.
29. Often.
30. Once, I think.
31. Nope.
32. Nope.
33. Yes.
34. Since I don't drive, no. (but have my drivers that I rode with? yes)
35. Yes.
36. A lot more than you'd think.
37. Yes.
38. Define "hated". (Probably.)
39. No.
40. No.
41. No. I've been with people who got themselves lost though.
42. Nope.
43. Not quite.
44. Yes.
45. Not exactly. I sing a capella frequently though.
46. I don't think so.
47. Yes.
48. No.
49. Define "in the rain." (I kissed outside while it was raining once and had moved under cover *shrug*).
50. Yes.
51. No.
52. Not quite.
53. No.
54. Nope.
55. No.
56. Define "been". (sort of)
57. No.
58. I would hope so... (what sort of question is this? Should ask if I've gone a week w/o brushing, which I have~.)
59. Yep.
60. No.
61. No. (and death to those that try... *ahem*)
62. Yes.
63. No.
64. Told I was by others. *shrugs*
65. Yes.
66. No.
67. Once.
68. Not usually. (perhaps)
69. Not very often.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The Time Has Come, the Walrus Said...
To talk of many things.
I should know what that's from, but I don't remember. Well, it's referenced in two of the Alice in Wonderland movies (though not that recent thing by... Tim Burton, was it?). Anyway, I guess I do feel like talking or whatever.
Here's a quick reference list for the most important people of my recent life. I don't have any ladies on the list so idk, that feels weird. Naturally I will abbreviate in all instances for privacy reason (idk, I don't like to drop names much in conversation, too much to remember).
B1
B1 is a guy I talk to almost every day. He lives some place in Florida, though he lived several years before in Massachusetts. I probably could just drop the shorthand of his 'net name easily but bah, effort. We get along fine, as much as two guys can in a platonic relationship. I don't really want to sleep with him anyway, lol, I don't like him that way, asides, he's quite straight. I'm about his only male friend on the internet, he mostly speaks to women.
CS
CS was... very special. Maybe a little suicidal but a really funny, sweet kid when I knew him. It's odd that I often think of him as the guy I'd most want to date again, of the people I've made emotional investments with. Well, he'd probably think it odd of me. I'd really like to hear from him again.
CN
CN is a new contact. This isn't really a "VIP" list, but more about the people that occupy my mind a lot and aren't family. I really like him (well, I like most of what I know about him) and I wanted to talk to him since late October. Because I think we have a good deal in common. We both like seafood and probably have several other overlapping interests besides our sexual interests (by which we'd be compatible and that's always a nice thing). I don't really know his family name and haven't asked him too many personal things yet. He's often busy; he works as a teacher's aide, which I think is really cool.
JB
JB kinda vanished lately. I have no idea what the hell he's doing and why doesn't he even call me? I'm kinda mad at his lack of communication consistency. Whatever, he can go die and likely will at the destructive way he lives his life. Smoking and other crap he just doesn't need, let alone should damn well know not to do. Of course I don't really hate him or anything, he just bugs me. He was the third guy I dated.
JD
JD was the first guy I ever fully felt in love with at some point. He's artistic and surprisingly sensitive for a delinquent and huge arse flirt. You can imagine it didn't work. But I like him, when I'm not thinking about beating him overhead with a book, lol.
RF
RF lives in Canada and he's a nice kid. We basically flirted a little with each other but then he dated JB for a while (I had also dated JB and he broke up with me really close to my birthday, the stupid biatch, lol). They're not together anymore and that's probably for the best, too. They're much longer distance than anything I've been involved with already.
RY
RY, haha, your initials make a common shorthand of my given name. Well, he's a newer friend. He's weird in some ways but I think he's pretty decent. When he's not doing stupid things, at least. None too long ago, he moved in with his bro and is actually in my home state. Which is nice I guess but he whines a lot about me living 4+ hours away, talks like it's 1000 miles. What a child. I don't know about him most of the time, I don't know whether to really like or dislike him *shrug*.
T1
T1 is another friend I frequently talk to. We briefly entertained the ideas of us dating. Though we got along well, he didn't feel like he fit me well enough. And stuff. So we're just friends now and we talk the second most often, compared to B1.
TW
TW lives in the UK and we talk at times. More openly than most, oddly enough. I think its strange that my straight friends are the ones that appear most willing and amicable to talk to me. Fags need to speak up or something, maybe I just go for quiet types? *shrug*
W1
W1, I've known him for a few years but we don't talk too much. We talked recently though and he's okay. He and RY have had quite a bit of sex in their lives thus far, more or less. They're opposites though and RY more than likely wouldn't go for W1, and thank god for that. I don't like the idea of my friends hooking up. I rather they date other people and be happy. I don't really want their problems to overlap and me ever being forced to pick sides, no thank you.
That'll do for now. o.0 Looking at it makes me feel weird, I talk to more people than I expect, but it's not really that many anyway. And I probably omitted a small handful of people that I just don't care enough to include. Or don't want to bring up because of some guilt. Yep.
Grandfather still picks at me just for eating. At least it's not so bad this morning. I don't like waiting for 5 hours or more between "meals" (I'm often still hungry when he tries to portion my food) and really, he'd just want me to eat like two pizza slices and then drink water for the rest of the day. AND he'd still bitch then about pizza being "no good". Impossible to please. Too much pressure to be successful and stuff, explains why I flounder so much when I try to do anything. I don't get the support I really want from... anyone. Well, not counting some of those guys above but even then, none of them have really spent time with me in person, at least not yet anyway. He'll only look baffled and actually gets on my case to eat if I actually try to skip meals. What a hypocrite. I wanted to smack him for telling me to eat a FRIED bologna sandwich yesterday. Really!? REALLY!? After you scream at me countless times for drinking sodas? Calling kettles black aren't you, you dumb pot? *sigh*
He wants me to call my mom, hell, my grandmother suggested I even ask her, "Mom, why you want nothing to do to me? What I ever do to you?" I should ask. But I won't. I don't really care enough to talk to her anymore. Let her talk to me if she finally decides I'm important enough to remember. She hasn't called in months, naturally. Not me anyway. She calls my grandmother sometimes. Oh sure, talk to the uber religious matron who'd sooner disown you for your personal relationships within the past dozen years, but not to your first-born (and only) son. Airhead.
I'm at least feeling calm at present. No tears, shakes or even wanting to shout beyond the few caps-locked instances above. Re-reading California Diaries helps, I think. I really relate to Maggie and Ducky, even Sunny in some ways. Not my most favorite book but probably my favorite series. It's up there with The Wildflowers, definitely. I don't really feel like saying too much else now though, it's always a bit too much than what I can get around to putting down in text. Thank you few people for reading, though. Be seein' yous.
I should know what that's from, but I don't remember. Well, it's referenced in two of the Alice in Wonderland movies (though not that recent thing by... Tim Burton, was it?). Anyway, I guess I do feel like talking or whatever.
Here's a quick reference list for the most important people of my recent life. I don't have any ladies on the list so idk, that feels weird. Naturally I will abbreviate in all instances for privacy reason (idk, I don't like to drop names much in conversation, too much to remember).
B1
B1 is a guy I talk to almost every day. He lives some place in Florida, though he lived several years before in Massachusetts. I probably could just drop the shorthand of his 'net name easily but bah, effort. We get along fine, as much as two guys can in a platonic relationship. I don't really want to sleep with him anyway, lol, I don't like him that way, asides, he's quite straight. I'm about his only male friend on the internet, he mostly speaks to women.
CS
CS was... very special. Maybe a little suicidal but a really funny, sweet kid when I knew him. It's odd that I often think of him as the guy I'd most want to date again, of the people I've made emotional investments with. Well, he'd probably think it odd of me. I'd really like to hear from him again.
CN
CN is a new contact. This isn't really a "VIP" list, but more about the people that occupy my mind a lot and aren't family. I really like him (well, I like most of what I know about him) and I wanted to talk to him since late October. Because I think we have a good deal in common. We both like seafood and probably have several other overlapping interests besides our sexual interests (by which we'd be compatible and that's always a nice thing). I don't really know his family name and haven't asked him too many personal things yet. He's often busy; he works as a teacher's aide, which I think is really cool.
JB
JB kinda vanished lately. I have no idea what the hell he's doing and why doesn't he even call me? I'm kinda mad at his lack of communication consistency. Whatever, he can go die and likely will at the destructive way he lives his life. Smoking and other crap he just doesn't need, let alone should damn well know not to do. Of course I don't really hate him or anything, he just bugs me. He was the third guy I dated.
JD
JD was the first guy I ever fully felt in love with at some point. He's artistic and surprisingly sensitive for a delinquent and huge arse flirt. You can imagine it didn't work. But I like him, when I'm not thinking about beating him overhead with a book, lol.
RF
RF lives in Canada and he's a nice kid. We basically flirted a little with each other but then he dated JB for a while (I had also dated JB and he broke up with me really close to my birthday, the stupid biatch, lol). They're not together anymore and that's probably for the best, too. They're much longer distance than anything I've been involved with already.
RY
RY, haha, your initials make a common shorthand of my given name. Well, he's a newer friend. He's weird in some ways but I think he's pretty decent. When he's not doing stupid things, at least. None too long ago, he moved in with his bro and is actually in my home state. Which is nice I guess but he whines a lot about me living 4+ hours away, talks like it's 1000 miles. What a child. I don't know about him most of the time, I don't know whether to really like or dislike him *shrug*.
T1
T1 is another friend I frequently talk to. We briefly entertained the ideas of us dating. Though we got along well, he didn't feel like he fit me well enough. And stuff. So we're just friends now and we talk the second most often, compared to B1.
TW
TW lives in the UK and we talk at times. More openly than most, oddly enough. I think its strange that my straight friends are the ones that appear most willing and amicable to talk to me. Fags need to speak up or something, maybe I just go for quiet types? *shrug*
W1
W1, I've known him for a few years but we don't talk too much. We talked recently though and he's okay. He and RY have had quite a bit of sex in their lives thus far, more or less. They're opposites though and RY more than likely wouldn't go for W1, and thank god for that. I don't like the idea of my friends hooking up. I rather they date other people and be happy. I don't really want their problems to overlap and me ever being forced to pick sides, no thank you.
That'll do for now. o.0 Looking at it makes me feel weird, I talk to more people than I expect, but it's not really that many anyway. And I probably omitted a small handful of people that I just don't care enough to include. Or don't want to bring up because of some guilt. Yep.
Grandfather still picks at me just for eating. At least it's not so bad this morning. I don't like waiting for 5 hours or more between "meals" (I'm often still hungry when he tries to portion my food) and really, he'd just want me to eat like two pizza slices and then drink water for the rest of the day. AND he'd still bitch then about pizza being "no good". Impossible to please. Too much pressure to be successful and stuff, explains why I flounder so much when I try to do anything. I don't get the support I really want from... anyone. Well, not counting some of those guys above but even then, none of them have really spent time with me in person, at least not yet anyway. He'll only look baffled and actually gets on my case to eat if I actually try to skip meals. What a hypocrite. I wanted to smack him for telling me to eat a FRIED bologna sandwich yesterday. Really!? REALLY!? After you scream at me countless times for drinking sodas? Calling kettles black aren't you, you dumb pot? *sigh*
He wants me to call my mom, hell, my grandmother suggested I even ask her, "Mom, why you want nothing to do to me? What I ever do to you?" I should ask. But I won't. I don't really care enough to talk to her anymore. Let her talk to me if she finally decides I'm important enough to remember. She hasn't called in months, naturally. Not me anyway. She calls my grandmother sometimes. Oh sure, talk to the uber religious matron who'd sooner disown you for your personal relationships within the past dozen years, but not to your first-born (and only) son. Airhead.
I'm at least feeling calm at present. No tears, shakes or even wanting to shout beyond the few caps-locked instances above. Re-reading California Diaries helps, I think. I really relate to Maggie and Ducky, even Sunny in some ways. Not my most favorite book but probably my favorite series. It's up there with The Wildflowers, definitely. I don't really feel like saying too much else now though, it's always a bit too much than what I can get around to putting down in text. Thank you few people for reading, though. Be seein' yous.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
My Personality in Pokemon
This'll be an image-heavy post. Well, sort of. I don't put that many images in anything in particular so...
Anyway, I was browsing a blog earlier recommended by a random poster on a forum. http://pokemon-personalities.tumblr.com/tagged/pp -- well it's not really a blog as more of an interest gallery pertaining to what things the creator (some girl) sees in people's favorite pokemon. Most of my favorites do suit my personality and well, I have no problems in analyzing the ones she's done that are indeed the pokemon I favor.
I love Psyduck; it was an episode featuring Misty's Psyduck that was the first I ever saw of Pokemon as a child and it's definitely my favorite character in the anime (her Psyduck). I wonder if my "off sense of timing" refers to the fact that I keep no schedules or if it also applies to whenever I try to talk to people, hmmm.... Well I doubt as to whether I can say I trust my blog readers because no one ever comments, lol! It's true though, that I'm not always as I seem. I think I usually seem really happy and/or intelligent but I don't think I'm really as smart as I can seem while talking. I don't like to be too moody though, so I usually just focus on the positive or humorous aspects I find when talking to people. Unless they offend me, which is kinda easy to do (sensitivity = short fuse; in my case). I wish I weren't so clumsy--I'm always bumping into the ends of objects; often chairs or boxes or anything with a point~. I do indeed do things my own way. I hate following other's directions and just try it my way first; even if I fail, I am happier if I did it the way I wanted to *nod*.
My overall favorite pokemon in the games is Hypno. Gen I Hypno is so boss. But it (nor Drowzee) hasn't been covered yet, so my favorite starting pokemon, instead, is...
My "easy to offend" statement from just above really drives home that last sentence for Squirtle lovers. If anyone dishonors my friends or family, it's very hard to improve my lowered opinion of them. There's just some things you DON'T joke about around me but I think most people get this anyway. I certainly do spend a lot of time talking to B and T on a daily basis (them being my closest internet friends) but I'm still trying to make newer friends and still looking for that special someone~. I guess I do rebel a little; mostly if I think the rules are too exclusive, in general. Are you aware that my grandfather gets ruffled when I say I'm talking to guys, even when I firmly state they are just friends? Apparently if a gender queer, anti-social youth has any friends that are male, those friends are automatically gay or bi if they're not women. Such ridiculousness I have to endure, I say... *sigh*
Not easily influenced... so, you admit I'm a stubborn ass, random person! xD Asides clueless fucks who dare to joke about my family or tell lies about me or my friends, I think the last reason that turns me off of people is shallow morons who dare call anyone ugly. In fact, I hate all labels and stereotypes. Labels are for inanimate objects so we know what to eat and what not to eat--not for people! Why does a person have to be called chubby? Do you know how broad that term is used? I find half of the time, that people use it to refer to people that simply appear the slightest bit overweight and then also used to apply to people that should be bed-ridden because they're so overweight they nearly cripple their self. But what irks me most is when people outright call me this before they even get to know me, just because I appear fat. Just because I am overweight does not mean you have to put me in some stupid filing system in your stupid brain! I am still a person and want no special treatment brought on by something as shallow as my body shape. Bastards.
So much truth here... I'm a little embarrassed, to be honest. I know I take many, many things seriously and it almost alienates me at times from people in my age group. I'm more attracted to youthful persons, too; because they aren't as bogged down from life's hardships and well, I hope that since I understand pain and loneliness so well that it will, somehow, make it easier when those bright and energetic people I want to be close to, make it easier for them to endure tough times as I have. And miraculously, without breaking. Well, I'm a little cracked I guess, it shows in my loopy nature when I talk to people time and again. But I still want or would be fine with having children and rearing them, even though my mom was such an airhead, lol.
Hmm, well that was less than I thought. Anyway, those are indeed my favorite pokemon/species and yeah, I'd say they all fit me to a reasonable degree. Nothing's set in stone anyway. Later~.
Anyway, I was browsing a blog earlier recommended by a random poster on a forum. http://pokemon-personalities.tumblr.com/tagged/pp -- well it's not really a blog as more of an interest gallery pertaining to what things the creator (some girl) sees in people's favorite pokemon. Most of my favorites do suit my personality and well, I have no problems in analyzing the ones she's done that are indeed the pokemon I favor.
My overall favorite pokemon in the games is Hypno. Gen I Hypno is so boss. But it (nor Drowzee) hasn't been covered yet, so my favorite starting pokemon, instead, is...
Hmm, well that was less than I thought. Anyway, those are indeed my favorite pokemon/species and yeah, I'd say they all fit me to a reasonable degree. Nothing's set in stone anyway. Later~.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Update~
A perfect title if there ever was one *nods in self-agreement*. It's not like anyone really reads this blog that closely (... as far as I know...) but even so, I can at least sort my thoughts a bit.
I just watched the Nick News special for this year's, "Kids pick the President". Well, they don't always refer to it as Nick News anymore but its been on for over a decade with various events condensed and presented amicably for a young audience with Linda Ellerby (dunno if I'm spelling her name correctly) and I always appreciated it... my god the actual news programs are so borrrring that I really need a simplified version just to absorb most stuff. Anywho, that pretty much introduced me to Romney now; if you asked me before today if I knew anything about the Republican candidate, my response would have had to have been, "*shrug* not really?" He's a decent guy I suppose but I couldn't bring myself to agree with his stance on same-sex marriage. I don't vote anyway, but I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't vote for him. I would like to be married but I don't have to be. It's just that... who do I have to leave things to if I die? If I'm not married, are you aware that I can't leave anything to my partner by law? What happens to my possessions then? See my point... it pretty much undermines the contributions homosexual people can make to society when they can't even let their partners keep a house if it was owned by the deceased. If I die before my lover, I don't want my lover to lose anything else because I would think the loss of me would be pretty darn difficult already on its own. But the (present) law says I can't legally declare person_x_ gets my stuff unless they're a blood relative or they're married to me, else I can leave it to charity or else I have no flying clue, I think the government is supposed to come in and seize any land or properties and do w/e they decree with it. That makes dieing harder than living, at least to me it does, ehehe~.
Oh, it's not like people want my shit anyway. I technically have nothing because I can tell you what all I've ever bought with money that legally belongs to me--bought food, ate it, and now it's gone. I own nothing because everything is stuff my family bought. I never worked nor turned a paycheck. I pretty much don't even exist as citizen yet because I'm unemployed and yeah, haven't been doing anything. Oh I've been trying to get work though. Applied for a job or two, interviewed, but nope, nada. I do want to work. I don't want to drive (a vehicle) though. That's most of my dilemma, I suppose. My goal is to get a relationship with someone who can at least have the patience and spine to teach me to drive. Because I really don't want to, I really don't. That said, if one can convince me otherwise, y'know, I think they'd be worth keeping around. I mean if you really believe in and want to see me do something I hate that much because you realize I more-or-less need to do it, well you're more stubborn than me. And I can respect you for it, because this is pretty much the one thing I will always bitch about if it ever comes up. I hate driving, cars, everything related to transportation. I'd rather walk and I'm quite out of shape. Does not compute, does it? I know.
I don't like to argue though. But my god, I need you (you as in any would-be lovers out there) to have your act in gear. Have some job, even if its the blandest janitorial job out there (just an example, I really can't think of anyone that truly enjoys cleaning for a living). And have a car and be able to get yourself around. I ain't asking you to chauffeur me around at all, but I really can't wrap my head around getting myself places. So... I need you to want to meet me halfway. Do what others haven't and actually drive up to my door and knock. And don't run away after 2 minutes like a f-ing goof. I never expect company and I hate answering the door (recently I've done so in nothing but my boxers... what? I'm lazy, bitch) as it were. That said, I still am like one of the nicest people that I even know in all my 23 years of cognizance. I can't even begin to tell you how truly happy I'd be if someone did this, as it feels somewhat baffling to even request... why? Because it pretty much appears to me that sane people are incapable of doing this. I suppose I'm just crazy for hoping for it, eh? But if it did occur, then I believe that that crazy person could be just crazy enough to be mine to love. Perhaps.
Well, right now there's pretty much three people I could maybe end up in a relationship with (as to how successful any one would be, well...). I will now summarize my general positive and negative opinions about each candidate (if you care, or not, all are male).
Person A
+I've watched this person for the greater part of a year (by watch, I mean that I've followed most, though not, of their status updates on a facebook-ish website; but not actual Fbook because f*ck that noise~)
+so I know them fairly well and feel like they're a good fit for me (they're funny, employed, and close in age, all things I really want, not to mention... very gay)
-but I haven't really talked to them much at all, the one time I tried was several months ago and they laughed at me because I started complimenting them and openly declared I kinda liked them (*sigh*)
-they also (appear to) live in TX... I'm not a fan of Texas (it's too hot of a climate) and ugh... the thought of the state brings up mom issues for me (*deeper sigh*)
-and I'm worried they won't accept me because I'm not a bottom but I want to be with him and he's a (rather lewd) top
I mean it's important to me to consider if I can have sex with a person or not. I'm 23 and a virgin... and at times I feel like I'm the only person currently above the age of 20 that has not done anything sexual with anyone for their entire life. I don't want to be anally penetrated and I will not bend (lol) on this point for some time. You know there are other ways to get off than by pretending you're some straight ninny. (But no offense to all you straight ninnies that are in loving relationships and choose to have normal vaginal (or anal) sex). It's just... okay you're a man who likes men. So why do you have to stick it in his ass to show you love him that way? Why can't you just rub your sticks together... might start a fire, eh? P; But really, be more open minded... I've had a submissive friend who feels very similar to me. But they're actually submissive so them saying, "don't stick me," is obviously more jarring to some, I'm sure.
Victim B
+we've talked, on-and-off again since last February
+he approached me first, and replied favorably when I did pitch the possible idea of us dating at some point
-he hasn't really expressed much desire to see me, not as much as I've been almost begging to see him
-he's kinda bi-polar, one moment he is just fine and seems happy but then the next he breaks down and pushes me away over mistakes he makes over a month prior
-he goes for weeks, sometimes months, without speaking to me and this irks me to no end...
+if he would just open up and fucking say he wants me at times when I'm really wanting to hear it, I could forgive almost all of his flaws, but nope...
Why do you make it so difficult for me? Why can't you just say, "at least you're here" and tell me that you missed me... why can't I make you not feel so scared and worried over things? You make me feel so close yet so far... and I hate this duplicity. Not you, I just can't agree with your choice to avoid me when you so clearly need me to some extent. Stupid...
Exhibit C
+omg, so attractive
+I met him over two years ago
-but I still don't fully understand him
-I worry, being that this one has indeed had a lot of sex already, I worry that every time I try to approach him as a normal person that he feels inadequate, dirty because he's a little loose
+he is the closest person at present in terms of how far apart we are (physically)
+we share the most interests from what I can tell (mostly, this is in regards to video games)
-is he shy or what? getting him to talk to me feels like pulling teeth (and he's supposed to be an Aries... aren't fire types like not shy at all? I'm so often confused...)
I believe I've made it clear in several of my posts on here that I'm not thinking much about sex. Okay sure, I want it. If I'm dating someone for a month or so and they ask me to do them, I could see myself being ready to. The thing is... I haven't ever really been on a true date. And I want that so, soooo much. Simple dinner, movie, cuddling, gah, everything dammit! I only ask that you excuse my anger because being so deprived, left to feel so inadequate because my family picks at my appearance so damned much, (grandfather-weight, grandmother-hair and cleanliness, mother-weight again and if I try to talk to her about dating a guy I get a broken-record "use protection" mini-rant) well it makes it hard to talk about these things without wanting to drive my cranium through the nearest wall... *sigh*. Somewhat relieving to put to down, I guess. Later...
I just watched the Nick News special for this year's, "Kids pick the President". Well, they don't always refer to it as Nick News anymore but its been on for over a decade with various events condensed and presented amicably for a young audience with Linda Ellerby (dunno if I'm spelling her name correctly) and I always appreciated it... my god the actual news programs are so borrrring that I really need a simplified version just to absorb most stuff. Anywho, that pretty much introduced me to Romney now; if you asked me before today if I knew anything about the Republican candidate, my response would have had to have been, "*shrug* not really?" He's a decent guy I suppose but I couldn't bring myself to agree with his stance on same-sex marriage. I don't vote anyway, but I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't vote for him. I would like to be married but I don't have to be. It's just that... who do I have to leave things to if I die? If I'm not married, are you aware that I can't leave anything to my partner by law? What happens to my possessions then? See my point... it pretty much undermines the contributions homosexual people can make to society when they can't even let their partners keep a house if it was owned by the deceased. If I die before my lover, I don't want my lover to lose anything else because I would think the loss of me would be pretty darn difficult already on its own. But the (present) law says I can't legally declare person_x_ gets my stuff unless they're a blood relative or they're married to me, else I can leave it to charity or else I have no flying clue, I think the government is supposed to come in and seize any land or properties and do w/e they decree with it. That makes dieing harder than living, at least to me it does, ehehe~.
Oh, it's not like people want my shit anyway. I technically have nothing because I can tell you what all I've ever bought with money that legally belongs to me--bought food, ate it, and now it's gone. I own nothing because everything is stuff my family bought. I never worked nor turned a paycheck. I pretty much don't even exist as citizen yet because I'm unemployed and yeah, haven't been doing anything. Oh I've been trying to get work though. Applied for a job or two, interviewed, but nope, nada. I do want to work. I don't want to drive (a vehicle) though. That's most of my dilemma, I suppose. My goal is to get a relationship with someone who can at least have the patience and spine to teach me to drive. Because I really don't want to, I really don't. That said, if one can convince me otherwise, y'know, I think they'd be worth keeping around. I mean if you really believe in and want to see me do something I hate that much because you realize I more-or-less need to do it, well you're more stubborn than me. And I can respect you for it, because this is pretty much the one thing I will always bitch about if it ever comes up. I hate driving, cars, everything related to transportation. I'd rather walk and I'm quite out of shape. Does not compute, does it? I know.
I don't like to argue though. But my god, I need you (you as in any would-be lovers out there) to have your act in gear. Have some job, even if its the blandest janitorial job out there (just an example, I really can't think of anyone that truly enjoys cleaning for a living). And have a car and be able to get yourself around. I ain't asking you to chauffeur me around at all, but I really can't wrap my head around getting myself places. So... I need you to want to meet me halfway. Do what others haven't and actually drive up to my door and knock. And don't run away after 2 minutes like a f-ing goof. I never expect company and I hate answering the door (recently I've done so in nothing but my boxers... what? I'm lazy, bitch) as it were. That said, I still am like one of the nicest people that I even know in all my 23 years of cognizance. I can't even begin to tell you how truly happy I'd be if someone did this, as it feels somewhat baffling to even request... why? Because it pretty much appears to me that sane people are incapable of doing this. I suppose I'm just crazy for hoping for it, eh? But if it did occur, then I believe that that crazy person could be just crazy enough to be mine to love. Perhaps.
Well, right now there's pretty much three people I could maybe end up in a relationship with (as to how successful any one would be, well...). I will now summarize my general positive and negative opinions about each candidate (if you care, or not, all are male).
Person A
+I've watched this person for the greater part of a year (by watch, I mean that I've followed most, though not, of their status updates on a facebook-ish website; but not actual Fbook because f*ck that noise~)
+so I know them fairly well and feel like they're a good fit for me (they're funny, employed, and close in age, all things I really want, not to mention... very gay)
-but I haven't really talked to them much at all, the one time I tried was several months ago and they laughed at me because I started complimenting them and openly declared I kinda liked them (*sigh*)
-they also (appear to) live in TX... I'm not a fan of Texas (it's too hot of a climate) and ugh... the thought of the state brings up mom issues for me (*deeper sigh*)
-and I'm worried they won't accept me because I'm not a bottom but I want to be with him and he's a (rather lewd) top
I mean it's important to me to consider if I can have sex with a person or not. I'm 23 and a virgin... and at times I feel like I'm the only person currently above the age of 20 that has not done anything sexual with anyone for their entire life. I don't want to be anally penetrated and I will not bend (lol) on this point for some time. You know there are other ways to get off than by pretending you're some straight ninny. (But no offense to all you straight ninnies that are in loving relationships and choose to have normal vaginal (or anal) sex). It's just... okay you're a man who likes men. So why do you have to stick it in his ass to show you love him that way? Why can't you just rub your sticks together... might start a fire, eh? P; But really, be more open minded... I've had a submissive friend who feels very similar to me. But they're actually submissive so them saying, "don't stick me," is obviously more jarring to some, I'm sure.
Victim B
+we've talked, on-and-off again since last February
+he approached me first, and replied favorably when I did pitch the possible idea of us dating at some point
-he hasn't really expressed much desire to see me, not as much as I've been almost begging to see him
-he's kinda bi-polar, one moment he is just fine and seems happy but then the next he breaks down and pushes me away over mistakes he makes over a month prior
-he goes for weeks, sometimes months, without speaking to me and this irks me to no end...
+if he would just open up and fucking say he wants me at times when I'm really wanting to hear it, I could forgive almost all of his flaws, but nope...
Why do you make it so difficult for me? Why can't you just say, "at least you're here" and tell me that you missed me... why can't I make you not feel so scared and worried over things? You make me feel so close yet so far... and I hate this duplicity. Not you, I just can't agree with your choice to avoid me when you so clearly need me to some extent. Stupid...
Exhibit C
+omg, so attractive
+I met him over two years ago
-but I still don't fully understand him
-I worry, being that this one has indeed had a lot of sex already, I worry that every time I try to approach him as a normal person that he feels inadequate, dirty because he's a little loose
+he is the closest person at present in terms of how far apart we are (physically)
+we share the most interests from what I can tell (mostly, this is in regards to video games)
-is he shy or what? getting him to talk to me feels like pulling teeth (and he's supposed to be an Aries... aren't fire types like not shy at all? I'm so often confused...)
I believe I've made it clear in several of my posts on here that I'm not thinking much about sex. Okay sure, I want it. If I'm dating someone for a month or so and they ask me to do them, I could see myself being ready to. The thing is... I haven't ever really been on a true date. And I want that so, soooo much. Simple dinner, movie, cuddling, gah, everything dammit! I only ask that you excuse my anger because being so deprived, left to feel so inadequate because my family picks at my appearance so damned much, (grandfather-weight, grandmother-hair and cleanliness, mother-weight again and if I try to talk to her about dating a guy I get a broken-record "use protection" mini-rant) well it makes it hard to talk about these things without wanting to drive my cranium through the nearest wall... *sigh*. Somewhat relieving to put to down, I guess. Later...
Thursday, September 6, 2012
-makes untitled post-
Y'know, I noticed on the 'mobile phone preview' of my blog that the titles of posts get all screwed up, maybe when they're too many words long. Or something. Smushes the text over itself. It's a pain. Glad I have my PC to access the 'net with and not a cell or iCrap. Stupid technology~.
Early today I took a personality test. Not unusual, I do take them a lot in boredom. Most are pretty crap and the ones that are somewhat detailed you have to pay money or submit a phone # to. F*k that shit. The one I took today was different. All of the answers/choices were presented by pictures. So you either picked what picture you like best (duh) or try to think what each pic represents and then choose from there (thinking!). But since they were all visual-oriented, there's not really a correct answer. So this was my result, based on what I answered (relating to my hobbies and ideas):
"You're The Mystic
You don’t do shallow – if you like something, you love it, from your music to your sense of style. You’re a real sensitive soul. You aren’t afraid to ask the big questions, and that means you know yourself better than most. It also gives you a unique view of the world. Your attention can be hard won, but once it’s given you can be fiercely loyal. You bare your soul to the people you trust, and wear your heart on your sleeve.
That said, sometimes it is easier to stay in your own world. And why not, right? It’s a place where you’re totally free to be whoever you want, do whatever you want. You’re in control and the possibilities are limitless. Just be careful not to get sucked in too deep – other people can really expand your horizons, and help make your world bigger. Make sure that when you do want to say something people are around to hear it. You have a unique perspective on life and your opinions are just as important as everyone else’s.
Whether you want to change the world or just find your place in it, follow your heart and do what you love. If computers are what you really enjoy, think about how far you can take it. It’s all about the balance between hard work and fun. And you know hard work isn’t scary if it’s for something you really believe in."
Most of it does fit me I guess. Pah, well sure I'd love to share my ideas with people but so often is no one around when I have something important to say! I can't magically cause them to materialize before me--and y'know, when I say something and people give me half-assed replies, well I don't exactly feel well in sharing stuff with them : |. But, it's true that sometimes my attention can be hard to win. I hate being interrupted. But what I hate more is people who make excuses as to why they can't take out a second to respond. Especially when their excuse is personal and not even professionally related (i.e. to school or business). I find myself being interrupted plenty of times, but well, I try to take more responsibility for my actions. I actively take a moment out to check on morons at times and if you say nothing, DO NOT wonder why I haven't been talking to you. You reap what you sow. Do what I love? I guess... much as people bug me, I still keep trying to make connections and shit so... I suppose I am. | : Unsure.
Y'know, I noticed on the 'mobile phone preview' of my blog that the titles of posts get all screwed up, maybe when they're too many words long. Or something. Smushes the text over itself. It's a pain. Glad I have my PC to access the 'net with and not a cell or iCrap. Stupid technology~.
Early today I took a personality test. Not unusual, I do take them a lot in boredom. Most are pretty crap and the ones that are somewhat detailed you have to pay money or submit a phone # to. F*k that shit. The one I took today was different. All of the answers/choices were presented by pictures. So you either picked what picture you like best (duh) or try to think what each pic represents and then choose from there (thinking!). But since they were all visual-oriented, there's not really a correct answer. So this was my result, based on what I answered (relating to my hobbies and ideas):
"You're The Mystic
You don’t do shallow – if you like something, you love it, from your music to your sense of style. You’re a real sensitive soul. You aren’t afraid to ask the big questions, and that means you know yourself better than most. It also gives you a unique view of the world. Your attention can be hard won, but once it’s given you can be fiercely loyal. You bare your soul to the people you trust, and wear your heart on your sleeve.
That said, sometimes it is easier to stay in your own world. And why not, right? It’s a place where you’re totally free to be whoever you want, do whatever you want. You’re in control and the possibilities are limitless. Just be careful not to get sucked in too deep – other people can really expand your horizons, and help make your world bigger. Make sure that when you do want to say something people are around to hear it. You have a unique perspective on life and your opinions are just as important as everyone else’s.
Whether you want to change the world or just find your place in it, follow your heart and do what you love. If computers are what you really enjoy, think about how far you can take it. It’s all about the balance between hard work and fun. And you know hard work isn’t scary if it’s for something you really believe in."
Most of it does fit me I guess. Pah, well sure I'd love to share my ideas with people but so often is no one around when I have something important to say! I can't magically cause them to materialize before me--and y'know, when I say something and people give me half-assed replies, well I don't exactly feel well in sharing stuff with them : |. But, it's true that sometimes my attention can be hard to win. I hate being interrupted. But what I hate more is people who make excuses as to why they can't take out a second to respond. Especially when their excuse is personal and not even professionally related (i.e. to school or business). I find myself being interrupted plenty of times, but well, I try to take more responsibility for my actions. I actively take a moment out to check on morons at times and if you say nothing, DO NOT wonder why I haven't been talking to you. You reap what you sow. Do what I love? I guess... much as people bug me, I still keep trying to make connections and shit so... I suppose I am. | : Unsure.
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