Welp, long story short, the last two weeks have been rather... strange. In that, a lot of unexpected things have happened and a few expected ones, too.
The Expected:
-SSI Appeal officially turned down; re-filing ensues (this is just a big headache because I'm only doing this to keep the only insurance I got, which requires me to file for SSI in order to qualify; it's convoluted as all heck)
-found a fun game to play which re-ignited my general interest in making a game of similar quality (probably won't seriously advance on mine too soon though); admittedly only semi-expected, lol
The Unexpected:
-apparently I have a boyfriend now, met online like my last official one (that is, counting people I have or strongly plan to meet/see in person)
And... it's the unexpected I really ought to talk about now. Dis guy... just, dis guy!! He's like, practically everything I want from looks (cute as all get out), his ethnicity (okay, I always have thought dark skinned people were awesome, this I can't honestly deny), his energy (which is up there, a plus because I often need coaxing or just a counterbalance) and besides all that he's sensitive and caring enough that you just want to be with him a lot of the time since he's really sweet. But not only that, but he very recently admitted he feels he does love me, ME of all people, and says that its because he feels that I truly care about him (of course I do, I care easily for people who don't say stupid/jerkish stuff, lolol). So, dang, I guess I have my work cut out for me. Got to get myself to up and see him (he's not that far away, lives in my state). Of course, I do like him a lot, I think I'm ready to love again, I mean, I did wait what, 4 years basically?
I just want to commit, because I'm so ready. I know we can get along because we talk almost everyday and he doesn't really make me feel unwanted. So, I'm hoping it all turns out well. Jerod, if you're reading this, know that I not only have been moved by your kindness, heck, your everything, but that I really want to stay with you as long as you need. I know it'll still be a bit before I can physically act on all I've said, but I TRULY INTEND to make good on 95% of my word. (I leave 5% for error because c'mon, nobody's perfect). I wish I could refer you to the last guy I ever dated in earnest, just because the proof's there. We had met in February but finally saw one another in person on his birthday in May. That was my first kiss I then had with a man. ^_^ While him and I did get distanced sometime thereafter, I also want you to know, I will ALWAYS care about you, even if something should ever happen to us, too. Of course, I will hope only for good things but hey, you gotta do what feels right to you. I know I really like ya. I know you really care for me, so here's to good tidings ahead. *clinks glass* xD
Other than Jer rocking my world over the past week, not a whole lot else been happening. I was... a bit unsure of how he'd even react to me deciding to message him afore, at which point I resolved to tell him I did think he was cute; it's just, far too many nice-looking people can be really self-absorbed or just rude to people who, simply put, are just kinda plain (such as myself). But he wasn't... I just want to reward his kindness with my body, mind and soul because he honestly earned it by matching my uncommon kindness with his own. I'm so moved, I'm seriously not even thinking about past fixations like Casey, or Joshua, or other people. I haven't felt this way in YEARS! -peace, out
SH2
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Random Survey I found on Tumblr
Why the heck not?
1. What is your middle name?
James
2. Are you wearing makeup?
I'm not currently doing a stage play, so no.
3. What colour is your toothbrush?
It's green, white and blue.
4. Approximately how many posters are hung up in your room?
Less than 3.
5. What does your hair product smell like?
I don't smell my shampoo unless it reeks enough.
6. Where would rather be right now?
In your ass. (unless you're a chick, okay but really, I don't care about "where" I am or want to be much)
7. What is the temperature outside?
about 70 degrees Fahrenheit
8. Have you ever dyed your hair? If so what colour?
yes, Orange
9. What is the funniest word you know?
I don't know... (I don't usually find words funny)
10. Name your favourite band starting with the letter 'M'
Magnum Opus
11. What is your favourite pick up line? And has anyone ever used it on you?
Oh crap... *thinks* It was something like, "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs; so gimme sex!" yes it's really lame and goofy and creepy but so what? at least it's honest
12. Describe your first icon using only verbs
I don't understand this question...
13. What is the most expensive thing you have ever bought with your own money?
my Xbox360, which alone was $300 bucks; most of my stuff is gifts
14. State your favourite letter of the alphabet
it's K
15. What is your favourite accent?
I like most accents, really
16. How did you celebrate the new year?
I haven't for quite a while and probably won't until I'm in a relationship
17. What do you call a brown fizzy drink that usually comes in a can?
... I say, "why's this shit brown? it's supposed to be darker!"
18. Do you like fish?
Sure do
19. What is your most used tag?
I don't use tags much
20. Would you rather ask someone out or be asked out?
I'd rather be asked out
21. What is your favourite Olympic sport to watch?
Gymnastics are cool I guess; but usually I don't watch them
22. Have you ever dumped anyone?
hmmm... not technically
23. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I still don't know, in honest, I just want a family, a simple job that I can come home from most evenings, or w/e
24. Have you ever been to the United States? If so, where?
I reside in the US, I've been in a few different states but mostly stay in Pennsylvania a lot
25. What instrument have you always wanted to play?
I know how to play the Oboe and a few others; I wish I could play the piano better
26. Describe your dream partner's eye colour
I like green eyes most, I guess, but I don't care
27. What do you order at diners?
usually pasta dishes
28. Coffee or espressos?
I hate them both equally
29. What is the most annoying song on the radio at the moment?
wouldn't know, I don't listen to the radio much
30. How many contacts do you have on your phone?
I don't own a mobile phone
31. What type of music player do you own?
since most are broken, my PC is the closest thing
32. Describe your favourite painting
I like um, drawings more than paintings, usually of people/characters
33. What was the best present you have ever received?
I guess some computers I've used
34. Spring or Fall? Why?
Fall, because Summer is over and not approaching (I hate heat)
35. What was the last text you received? Who was it from?
I don't remember the last text; but my last IM was a friend sharing a random fact/meme pic and saying good night
36. Would you ever paint your room pink?
No
37. What colour is your underwear?
most of my underwear is navy blue
38. Favourite perfume scent?
don't like perfume/not around enough to know
39. What celebrity do you think needs to drop off a cliff?
don't really care much, but if Lady Gaga did, most people would think it's the greatest thing ever (just because it's her diving or w/e; I'm not being a jerk here)
40. Do blue eyes turn you on?
Well, Tyler W. from TheSpeedGamers does have really gorgeous eyes, so I suppose they can
41. What meat do you prefer in a sandwich?
my favorite sandwich is a BLT, but I usually eat tuna submarine sandwiches lately
42. Would you ever wear a sweater to school?
I have several times
43. What is the name of your current ringtone?
don't have one; my preference is toward Chopin's Funeral March
44. Glasses or contacts?
glasses
45. What shoes do you normally wear to school?
I usually wore sneakers, white, but black in the last year or two
46. Where is your nearest television?
it's about 3 feet away from my PC, in my room, where I currently am
47. What is your favourite vegetable?
I really like edamame in stir-fry, otherwise, broccoli, raw please
48. When was the last time you drank milk?
yesterday, I drink milk almost daily
49. What was your lowest grade in school?
for a yearly grade, I think I got a 49 in German III during senior year, I really didn't like the teacher, and some other issues that were going on
50. Are you using Google chrome?
no, I use Firefox
1. What is your middle name?
James
2. Are you wearing makeup?
I'm not currently doing a stage play, so no.
3. What colour is your toothbrush?
It's green, white and blue.
4. Approximately how many posters are hung up in your room?
Less than 3.
5. What does your hair product smell like?
I don't smell my shampoo unless it reeks enough.
6. Where would rather be right now?
In your ass. (unless you're a chick, okay but really, I don't care about "where" I am or want to be much)
7. What is the temperature outside?
about 70 degrees Fahrenheit
8. Have you ever dyed your hair? If so what colour?
yes, Orange
9. What is the funniest word you know?
I don't know... (I don't usually find words funny)
10. Name your favourite band starting with the letter 'M'
Magnum Opus
11. What is your favourite pick up line? And has anyone ever used it on you?
Oh crap... *thinks* It was something like, "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs; so gimme sex!" yes it's really lame and goofy and creepy but so what? at least it's honest
12. Describe your first icon using only verbs
I don't understand this question...
13. What is the most expensive thing you have ever bought with your own money?
my Xbox360, which alone was $300 bucks; most of my stuff is gifts
14. State your favourite letter of the alphabet
it's K
15. What is your favourite accent?
I like most accents, really
16. How did you celebrate the new year?
I haven't for quite a while and probably won't until I'm in a relationship
17. What do you call a brown fizzy drink that usually comes in a can?
... I say, "why's this shit brown? it's supposed to be darker!"
18. Do you like fish?
Sure do
19. What is your most used tag?
I don't use tags much
20. Would you rather ask someone out or be asked out?
I'd rather be asked out
21. What is your favourite Olympic sport to watch?
Gymnastics are cool I guess; but usually I don't watch them
22. Have you ever dumped anyone?
hmmm... not technically
23. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I still don't know, in honest, I just want a family, a simple job that I can come home from most evenings, or w/e
24. Have you ever been to the United States? If so, where?
I reside in the US, I've been in a few different states but mostly stay in Pennsylvania a lot
25. What instrument have you always wanted to play?
I know how to play the Oboe and a few others; I wish I could play the piano better
26. Describe your dream partner's eye colour
I like green eyes most, I guess, but I don't care
27. What do you order at diners?
usually pasta dishes
28. Coffee or espressos?
I hate them both equally
29. What is the most annoying song on the radio at the moment?
wouldn't know, I don't listen to the radio much
30. How many contacts do you have on your phone?
I don't own a mobile phone
31. What type of music player do you own?
since most are broken, my PC is the closest thing
32. Describe your favourite painting
I like um, drawings more than paintings, usually of people/characters
33. What was the best present you have ever received?
I guess some computers I've used
34. Spring or Fall? Why?
Fall, because Summer is over and not approaching (I hate heat)
35. What was the last text you received? Who was it from?
I don't remember the last text; but my last IM was a friend sharing a random fact/meme pic and saying good night
36. Would you ever paint your room pink?
No
37. What colour is your underwear?
most of my underwear is navy blue
38. Favourite perfume scent?
don't like perfume/not around enough to know
39. What celebrity do you think needs to drop off a cliff?
don't really care much, but if Lady Gaga did, most people would think it's the greatest thing ever (just because it's her diving or w/e; I'm not being a jerk here)
40. Do blue eyes turn you on?
Well, Tyler W. from TheSpeedGamers does have really gorgeous eyes, so I suppose they can
41. What meat do you prefer in a sandwich?
my favorite sandwich is a BLT, but I usually eat tuna submarine sandwiches lately
42. Would you ever wear a sweater to school?
I have several times
43. What is the name of your current ringtone?
don't have one; my preference is toward Chopin's Funeral March
44. Glasses or contacts?
glasses
45. What shoes do you normally wear to school?
I usually wore sneakers, white, but black in the last year or two
46. Where is your nearest television?
it's about 3 feet away from my PC, in my room, where I currently am
47. What is your favourite vegetable?
I really like edamame in stir-fry, otherwise, broccoli, raw please
48. When was the last time you drank milk?
yesterday, I drink milk almost daily
49. What was your lowest grade in school?
for a yearly grade, I think I got a 49 in German III during senior year, I really didn't like the teacher, and some other issues that were going on
50. Are you using Google chrome?
no, I use Firefox
Sunday, June 30, 2013
An Attempt to Explain my Aesthetic Sense
Or
A Futile Attempt at Expanding Minds
Lol. Well, when people ask, "what's your type?" in regards to what sort of physical features attract me--I don't usually know what to tell them. I don't usually think about a persons' looks. But that doesn't mean I like looking at just any and everything on the exterior anatomy of someone. I guess the best way to explain it would be to list and break down as many things as I can think of that I would (or at some point could) see on a person and say if I like it or not. So that's what I shall now do. You can expect some things that would equate to "too much information" on this list, if you're sensitive about those things, I apologize for ruffling your feathers.
visible, external things/qualities on any person that I find...
Attractive or Interesting: (basically stuff that I like)
breasts/pectorals
derriere (the butt)
eyes
facial stubble
lips
people shorter than (or equal to) 5'11"
short hair (the hair on your scalp)
small tattoos (~9 inches or less in diameter)
thighs
Neither Attractive nor Unattractive: (stuff I generally don't mind nor give excess thought to)
arms
ears
facial piercings (anything above the chin)
fat/overweight
hands
large tattoos
neck
muscle tone
mustaches
people taller than (or equal to) 6'
shoulders and back of torso
scrotum (the ballsack)
thin/average weight
Generally Unattractive or Uninteresting: (stuff I don't really like or usually won't ask to see)
beards
body hair
considerably overweight
excess tattoos (more than 7 small ones or 2 large ones)
feet
legs
long hair (the hair on your scalp)
nails (fingers/toes)
non-facial piercings
nipples
penis
underweight
vagina
I probably expect most of those things to be unsurprising to people who've thoroughly inspected this journal-ish blog of mine. And some may raise further questions. OH WELL!!! I can't please everyone, hurr.
I can say that hair color is probably the last thing I care about, except maybe gray-ing hair. If you're below age 48 and most of your hair has lost color, I'm sorry for you and would probably find you a bit unattractive (just being honest). It does happen eventually though. I'd rather be bald than have a full head of mostly gray/white hair when I'm age 45 or so, lol. Baldness doesn't bug me as long as your scalp is generally healthy *nod*.
Skin color... well, in earnest, I LIKE darker tones just more by default. On other people. On myself?? Well I'm white but I guess I wouldn't be that much different if I had been born black, tan, brown or w/e. In fact at times I wish I weren't (white) so I could be excused from my grandfather's exceptionally biased views and just overall maybe have fewer headaches during a day. That's a pretty steep maybe though. If my family was the same but black, then grandfather would probably just hate all white people and use racial slurs I've never even heard of (in the present reality). The grass is never greener on the other side, it's just either more wet or dry, hah!
Later, losers~. (I'll show you! *shot*) xD
A Futile Attempt at Expanding Minds
Lol. Well, when people ask, "what's your type?" in regards to what sort of physical features attract me--I don't usually know what to tell them. I don't usually think about a persons' looks. But that doesn't mean I like looking at just any and everything on the exterior anatomy of someone. I guess the best way to explain it would be to list and break down as many things as I can think of that I would (or at some point could) see on a person and say if I like it or not. So that's what I shall now do. You can expect some things that would equate to "too much information" on this list, if you're sensitive about those things, I apologize for ruffling your feathers.
visible, external things/qualities on any person that I find...
Attractive or Interesting: (basically stuff that I like)
breasts/pectorals
derriere (the butt)
eyes
facial stubble
lips
people shorter than (or equal to) 5'11"
short hair (the hair on your scalp)
small tattoos (~9 inches or less in diameter)
thighs
Neither Attractive nor Unattractive: (stuff I generally don't mind nor give excess thought to)
arms
ears
facial piercings (anything above the chin)
fat/overweight
hands
large tattoos
neck
muscle tone
mustaches
people taller than (or equal to) 6'
shoulders and back of torso
scrotum (the ballsack)
thin/average weight
Generally Unattractive or Uninteresting: (stuff I don't really like or usually won't ask to see)
beards
body hair
considerably overweight
excess tattoos (more than 7 small ones or 2 large ones)
feet
legs
long hair (the hair on your scalp)
nails (fingers/toes)
non-facial piercings
nipples
penis
underweight
vagina
I probably expect most of those things to be unsurprising to people who've thoroughly inspected this journal-ish blog of mine. And some may raise further questions. OH WELL!!! I can't please everyone, hurr.
I can say that hair color is probably the last thing I care about, except maybe gray-ing hair. If you're below age 48 and most of your hair has lost color, I'm sorry for you and would probably find you a bit unattractive (just being honest). It does happen eventually though. I'd rather be bald than have a full head of mostly gray/white hair when I'm age 45 or so, lol. Baldness doesn't bug me as long as your scalp is generally healthy *nod*.
Skin color... well, in earnest, I LIKE darker tones just more by default. On other people. On myself?? Well I'm white but I guess I wouldn't be that much different if I had been born black, tan, brown or w/e. In fact at times I wish I weren't (white) so I could be excused from my grandfather's exceptionally biased views and just overall maybe have fewer headaches during a day. That's a pretty steep maybe though. If my family was the same but black, then grandfather would probably just hate all white people and use racial slurs I've never even heard of (in the present reality). The grass is never greener on the other side, it's just either more wet or dry, hah!
Later, losers~. (I'll show you! *shot*) xD
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Log of Thoughts and Delusions
Log Date: June, Almost Summer, 2013
(Not Entirely) Random List of Things I WILL NOT Do
-state something false on purpose
-(profusely) curse
-eat string beans, beets, lima beans, nor the stalks of broccoli (among other foods I purely dislike)
-tolerate cigarette smoke, tobacco, nor any non-prescription
-tolerate breaches of security including but not limited to eavesdropping, rummaging through others' property, extraneous invasions of personal space under any circumstances, etc.; nor will I be privy to such activities
-tolerate unsafe vehicle driving practices
-tolerate criticism on anyone's appearance without constructive, earnest advice on how to improve the points so criticized
-negotiate on any of the above terms, lest I choose to discuss one willingly
There are more things, probably, but eh, those are among my biggest deal-breakers, if you will. I very likely mentioned some of those points before (because they all rather irritate me) but some things are worth repeating. If anything, at least I won't forget about these if they should ever come up and I need any convincing of things (y'know, concerning private matters only; I'd never let my biases interfere with impartial scenarios like jury duty or similar venues).
I'm okay otherwise, I guess... lately I seem to be getting more random attention from newer people. I really don't care for being complimented as the first thing from someone. At least, not on superficial things like looks... because seriously, seriously--how am I supposed to know if you're judging by me by my appearance OR if you've actually bothered to read the spiel I post on my pages (of which are public but never heavily advertised) and find me attractive by my personality, if all you're saying is, "you're cute(sexy/beautiful/some-empty-overused-word-here)". I mean, you haven't even talked to me yet... at least show some interest in me as a person BEYOND what you can see. What I care about is what you feel in your heart... blagh, but try telling that to anyone nowadays and they'll assume you're mental. I don't hate the attention but some guys... really bug me with it. Others not at much, at least not those who actively respond when I talk, and I do at least offer thanks for the compliments, in general. Just sayin'.
That's all for now, I suppose. Farewell.
(Not Entirely) Random List of Things I WILL NOT Do
-state something false on purpose
-(profusely) curse
-eat string beans, beets, lima beans, nor the stalks of broccoli (among other foods I purely dislike)
-tolerate cigarette smoke, tobacco, nor any non-prescription
-tolerate breaches of security including but not limited to eavesdropping, rummaging through others' property, extraneous invasions of personal space under any circumstances, etc.; nor will I be privy to such activities
-tolerate unsafe vehicle driving practices
-tolerate criticism on anyone's appearance without constructive, earnest advice on how to improve the points so criticized
-negotiate on any of the above terms, lest I choose to discuss one willingly
There are more things, probably, but eh, those are among my biggest deal-breakers, if you will. I very likely mentioned some of those points before (because they all rather irritate me) but some things are worth repeating. If anything, at least I won't forget about these if they should ever come up and I need any convincing of things (y'know, concerning private matters only; I'd never let my biases interfere with impartial scenarios like jury duty or similar venues).
I'm okay otherwise, I guess... lately I seem to be getting more random attention from newer people. I really don't care for being complimented as the first thing from someone. At least, not on superficial things like looks... because seriously, seriously--how am I supposed to know if you're judging by me by my appearance OR if you've actually bothered to read the spiel I post on my pages (of which are public but never heavily advertised) and find me attractive by my personality, if all you're saying is, "you're cute(sexy/beautiful/some-empty-overused-word-here)". I mean, you haven't even talked to me yet... at least show some interest in me as a person BEYOND what you can see. What I care about is what you feel in your heart... blagh, but try telling that to anyone nowadays and they'll assume you're mental. I don't hate the attention but some guys... really bug me with it. Others not at much, at least not those who actively respond when I talk, and I do at least offer thanks for the compliments, in general. Just sayin'.
That's all for now, I suppose. Farewell.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Uhh... Stuff~
That does happen to be a pretty common reply of my own when acquaintances or friends ask me of what I'm doing at the time of conversation. That question does annoy me a little. Seriously, why do you need to know? If you don't wish to know, then why are you asking? Surely you have something better to ask about... I guess it's supposed to be polite or something, so I too ask it at times, usually near the start or after a significant period of time (approximately 90 minutes or more) passes between the last notable exchange of words between us. No, I'm not really trying to sound especially smart when I'm typing this. But, I do expect whoever reads this to at least appreciate my partial attempts at sounding educated... being too informal can be kinda annoying. Like this one person published a book which basically was a very realistic if not downright true diary of a 30 year old, hetero American male and MY GOD was it full of stuff I'd never say. Seriously, the guy thinks about sex at least 10 times a day, has a girlfriend, hardly connects with her at all emotionally beyond trying to listen what he implies is the equivalent of mindless rabble from her. It's just... the person narrating, though at least honest, is a total stereotype. And comes off downright bastardly as a result. (Apparently, "bastardly" is not a word; and I do not care the slightest).
But you know what bugs me most? Stubborn people who refuse to admit they're wrong or have wronged other people. Nothing to do with that prior tangent; this refers to... well I guess friend is appropriate, I don't dislike them that much and we talk on a frequent enough basis. More than what I'd consider an acquaintance to be. This guy is a total piece of work. He's honest and well-meaning, but a total clingy dog of a person. And I don't mean "dog" as an insult either... he's really that friendly most of the time if he likes someone. Oh, but don't get me started on the people he likes. Because it makes me embarrassed that he chose to associate me with a certain "stereotype" as well. Which by the way, is more society's fault than any other. They had to come up with words to show disapproval for other people's body types. Anyway, this person has wronged me. In the sense that they have dishonored me with their asinine level of ignorance, and that's not the only strike against them. But I am a very patient person and, with the best of intentions, do not hesitate to tell them of how foolish they behave. As I've told them, "I may have to be mean, but I do only because I truly care about you." I do earnestly mean that, as well.
The way they wronged me was, well... we were talking and when I bring up my own wishes and regards for well, intimacy, this imbecile has the unmitigated gall to tell me to go sleep with a woman. It's just... wrong. Because they theirself are quickly offended if someone so much as tries to pass of their own sexuality (he's gay) as a "choice". SO! How dare he act like I can just choose to sleep with a female because I first and foremost want to be the giving partner in the terms of intimacy and have very limited desires to receive?! I am still entirely flummoxed as to how he can think its okay to even joke about it when he knows of my aversion to the appearance of female genitalia (no offense intended). THEN, oh how very foolish he is, he follows up at a later point, trying to clarify, that oh, there's men who may want to be women and it's just... I am entirely at a loss. Whenever I think back on these facts, I just feel conflicted. Should I really be so mad at him for being a dunce as he clearly is? Y'know, besides other reasons I have to be upset with him. Is it really his fault? I don't believe so, personally, but it still makes me just... feel more empty when people refuse to accept that some people are different and just aren't able to want to be more flexible (in multiple facets of the word) when they haven't experienced what they truly want at first.
As a guy who has not had sex, I just... feel distanced from other people who exhibit such closed-minded thoughts or ideals. Let us be serious for a moment. Do you need to have sex to want to ask someone out, and not only that, but hope that, maybe in your future you would reach a level of intimacy with them? Well I personally say no, sex does not determine a person's sexuality nor their preferences in other people. It can persuade them but hey, if you, as a male, never have been intimate with a woman, even on just an emotional level, then how can you say with complete confidence that you are not "straight"? Unlike my friend, I have been intimate with women, emotionally, not physically and I can say that I'm not really a physical-seeking person. I can also say that as far as physical context and anatomical gender are concerned, I prefer men. I know this because when I engage in personal activities... without meaning to sound crude, I orgasm more completely when my mind, which is receiving physical and mental stimulation, places myself with another male. That is why I know I'm gay. Not because I ever needed someone else to confirm this with their body. Of course if you want to offer me your body and you are a man, more power to you! Hah, have to end on a brighter note.
Other positive things to note of late are:
-several video games I would like to purchase are receiving localizations in my country soon
-thanks to the dunce's meddling, I did meet a new person to talk to who I do like, and that is all (for now)
-I found a diet soda that I actually like to drink; thing is, I abhor Splenda because for me, it gives me this really unsettling aftertaste whenever I consume something it's in; the soda I discovered now uses "good ol'" aspartame as one of its components
-I finally got around to finishing a full playthrough of Magna Carta 2; its a good game, despite its flaws I find a number of things I liked in it (voice acting was also loaded with big names in the US department)
I'll be seeing you, anonymous reader.
But you know what bugs me most? Stubborn people who refuse to admit they're wrong or have wronged other people. Nothing to do with that prior tangent; this refers to... well I guess friend is appropriate, I don't dislike them that much and we talk on a frequent enough basis. More than what I'd consider an acquaintance to be. This guy is a total piece of work. He's honest and well-meaning, but a total clingy dog of a person. And I don't mean "dog" as an insult either... he's really that friendly most of the time if he likes someone. Oh, but don't get me started on the people he likes. Because it makes me embarrassed that he chose to associate me with a certain "stereotype" as well. Which by the way, is more society's fault than any other. They had to come up with words to show disapproval for other people's body types. Anyway, this person has wronged me. In the sense that they have dishonored me with their asinine level of ignorance, and that's not the only strike against them. But I am a very patient person and, with the best of intentions, do not hesitate to tell them of how foolish they behave. As I've told them, "I may have to be mean, but I do only because I truly care about you." I do earnestly mean that, as well.
The way they wronged me was, well... we were talking and when I bring up my own wishes and regards for well, intimacy, this imbecile has the unmitigated gall to tell me to go sleep with a woman. It's just... wrong. Because they theirself are quickly offended if someone so much as tries to pass of their own sexuality (he's gay) as a "choice". SO! How dare he act like I can just choose to sleep with a female because I first and foremost want to be the giving partner in the terms of intimacy and have very limited desires to receive?! I am still entirely flummoxed as to how he can think its okay to even joke about it when he knows of my aversion to the appearance of female genitalia (no offense intended). THEN, oh how very foolish he is, he follows up at a later point, trying to clarify, that oh, there's men who may want to be women and it's just... I am entirely at a loss. Whenever I think back on these facts, I just feel conflicted. Should I really be so mad at him for being a dunce as he clearly is? Y'know, besides other reasons I have to be upset with him. Is it really his fault? I don't believe so, personally, but it still makes me just... feel more empty when people refuse to accept that some people are different and just aren't able to want to be more flexible (in multiple facets of the word) when they haven't experienced what they truly want at first.
As a guy who has not had sex, I just... feel distanced from other people who exhibit such closed-minded thoughts or ideals. Let us be serious for a moment. Do you need to have sex to want to ask someone out, and not only that, but hope that, maybe in your future you would reach a level of intimacy with them? Well I personally say no, sex does not determine a person's sexuality nor their preferences in other people. It can persuade them but hey, if you, as a male, never have been intimate with a woman, even on just an emotional level, then how can you say with complete confidence that you are not "straight"? Unlike my friend, I have been intimate with women, emotionally, not physically and I can say that I'm not really a physical-seeking person. I can also say that as far as physical context and anatomical gender are concerned, I prefer men. I know this because when I engage in personal activities... without meaning to sound crude, I orgasm more completely when my mind, which is receiving physical and mental stimulation, places myself with another male. That is why I know I'm gay. Not because I ever needed someone else to confirm this with their body. Of course if you want to offer me your body and you are a man, more power to you! Hah, have to end on a brighter note.
Other positive things to note of late are:
-several video games I would like to purchase are receiving localizations in my country soon
-thanks to the dunce's meddling, I did meet a new person to talk to who I do like, and that is all (for now)
-I found a diet soda that I actually like to drink; thing is, I abhor Splenda because for me, it gives me this really unsettling aftertaste whenever I consume something it's in; the soda I discovered now uses "good ol'" aspartame as one of its components
-I finally got around to finishing a full playthrough of Magna Carta 2; its a good game, despite its flaws I find a number of things I liked in it (voice acting was also loaded with big names in the US department)
I'll be seeing you, anonymous reader.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
In which I offer rebuttal to various (but valid) criticisms on FE13
Fire Emblem: Awakening is the latest entry in the Fire Emblem franchise, as many people likely have heard of by now. Heck, it's one of the few Fire Emblem titles to receive televised commercial advertisements in America (a very rare phenomena for non SquareEnix RPGs, in comparison to the genre in general). So, I was reading a more-or-less rant by some tool who was displeased with the game, so much as to label the game bad. But, how bad is or isn't it? With only my general knowledge of the game, I will offer counterpoints on all of their incessant whining.
(any spoiler-ish content will be omitted as much as possible)
1. "The story. ... The charming simplicity of past games' stories has been replaced by a wonky Sci-Fi/fantasy hybrid that aims for epic and ends up cluttered, confused, and strangely uninteresting."
If one reads the articles pertaining to the game developers' thoughts and original drafts for this entry, this is actually what we nearly ended up with -- "Fire Emblem IN SPACE!". Obviously IS wanted a new spin on their old formula and they went with it which is why you'll find elements of science-fiction in the plot of FE13. If this really unnerves you, play Radiant Dawn and tell me which game feels more "confused and uninteresting". Also, does the fanbase really want a title that ONCE AGAIN deals strictly with political conflicts that only stem from social hiccups? Oh yes, Awakening has that but at least they're daring enough to add more, which seems to one as me as the entire focal point of this title--it's Fire Emblem... and more.
--their second complaint was entirely a spoiler element, skipping--
3. "Support conversations. ... While there's plenty of character development, the characterization is never particularly good. There's a more nuanced conversation to be had here, but a quick example should explain what I mean: compare Erk, from FE7, to Ricken. Erk is a young mage like Ricken, but also ambitious and fiercely intelligent, often to a fault; he's got a quick wit, a sharp tongue, and a short temper. He's bad with women. Despite his cool outer appearance, he fatigues easily and obsesses over his master. He feels like a believable and complex human being despite his limited screen time. Ricken feels like a generic anime stereotype with a bit of backstory."
The fault here is the characterization is entirely the choice of the original developers who are based in Japan and thus, cater essentially to themes of escapism that appeal to the audience in the east. A lot of the so-called personality the plaintiff claims to be present in Erk (who btw is only 15 years old and sounds like he has the persona of a 25 year old easily) is entirely the result of the localization team grasping at straws. In the case of FE13, the characters ARE anime stereotypes and whether or not one can feel endeared by this is solely up to the player's discretion. Personally, Erk is way too developed for an individual who hasn't even finished puberty--and there is beauty to be found in simplicity. If you want a believable ~13 year old boy, who actually shows profound maturity (if still naivety) at occasional moments (especially his introductory chapter), Ricken is your man. You will also find a few characters who were polished up a little for the western audience though; Olivia can be a bit too "soft" in the source material (intentional, her trope is "moe") and clearly shows a more proactive mindset in her support conversations with the Avatar/My Unit.
4. "Balance. Or more specifically, the lack of balance. Nosferatu is broken. MU is broken. Frederick is broken. SpotPass content, DLC, and Renown items can trivialize any difficulty mode. You can elect not to take advantage of this imbalance, as I've tried to do recently, but this leads to two sub-problems..."
4a. "Children characters. The children acquire the growths and skills of their parents, making them exceptionally good units. To compensate, they're hidden in difficulty-curve-botching Paralogue maps, which means recruiting most of them on any mode above Normal a practical impossibility. When a typical non-grinding run sees only one or two children characters recruited, you know you've implemented a feature poorly."
4b. "Challenge runs. I remained optimistic as long as I could, but this Lunatic run I've been trying out proves that the game is not designed around challenge runs. If you don't take advantage of broken options, you're left with an under-leveled and outmatched team that demands favorable RNG rolls on the later maps. This leads to an infuriating paradox: the higher difficulties can't be reasonably completed without broken options, but broken options (unsurprisingly) break the game completely. It is impossible to enjoy Lunatic for this reason, and cripples the game's replay ability."
Nosferatu has been nerfed from its first iterations in Western Fire Emblems to half-drain efficacy (originally was 1:1 damage to recovery ratio). The Avatar is hardly broken. Remove Veteran (possible as soon as the preparation menu shows up) and the Avatar levels at the same speed as every other unit. Remove Ignis and the Avatar's damage output goes from above average to below average as their strength and magic will always fall below more specialized classes. Don't want to reclass a bazillion times? Then don't. Frederick is entirely fair for difficulties above Normal and his internal level for starting promoted, in tandem with his crap bases is enough to hurt his longevity (while ensuring you don't explode in one turn on Lunatic/L+). Children paralogues are all optional and the reward of very potent characters certainly justifies the means. I wonder if the plaintiff understands the definition of the word "Lunatic". And are they perhaps aware that most of the development team do not personally advocate playing Lunatic (heck, one man found Hard too challenging for his self)? Lunatic is meant for the ultimate challenge and there are plenty of people who will enjoy it because it forces them to plan their moves many turns in advance (plenty of people love chess, this is a fact).
--their fifth complaint was further rants of "Lunatic+ is unfair!" and thus, skipping--
6. "Inconsistent tone. In places, this is a very dark game. People kill themselves. Thousands are lost in war. The game takes place on the backdrop of past cruelty and oppression. The future is condemned to death and fire. Yet there's plenty of goofy romance, fourth-wall breaking, fanservice, swimsuit scenes, and even awkward slapstick to take whatever serious tone exists and undermine it completely."
"A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down." This is clearly a sentiment the game presents to help keep its audience invested in "the very dark game," its developers created. If one has an honest problem with this, then maybe you should murder every light-hearted individual on the planet. Then you can have your constant grim-dark plots 24/7.
7. "Lacking map design. The open maps are devoid of interesting design, made worse by the lack of meaningful secondary objectives. The Paralogues are better, but still a mixed bag. Nothing says "bleh" like an escort mission with high-level, same-turn reinforcements. The map locations are nicely varied (mountains, plains, waterfalls, giant trees, even a dragon's back), but the design beneath the aesthetic is drab and samey. Awakening really could have used the multiple mission objectives of games like FE5 and FE7."
I do not completely disagree with this. But it would have likely been more trouble than it was worth to implement. They have to cut corners in places to compete with the speed of other games' developments nowadays and so I find the "lack" of variety here as moot since everything else in the game screams, "OMG! Choices!". Reclassing, children, scathes of supports returning to the beloved formula of FE6~9. Honestly I think some people are nigh impossible to please.
Well, that's how I feel. The plaintiff isn't truly wrong, nor without sympathies. But my god, they have a lot of free time to have typed all that spazz. Some people, I tell ya, too much free time!! Lol.
Ciao~.
(any spoiler-ish content will be omitted as much as possible)
1. "The story. ... The charming simplicity of past games' stories has been replaced by a wonky Sci-Fi/fantasy hybrid that aims for epic and ends up cluttered, confused, and strangely uninteresting."
If one reads the articles pertaining to the game developers' thoughts and original drafts for this entry, this is actually what we nearly ended up with -- "Fire Emblem IN SPACE!". Obviously IS wanted a new spin on their old formula and they went with it which is why you'll find elements of science-fiction in the plot of FE13. If this really unnerves you, play Radiant Dawn and tell me which game feels more "confused and uninteresting". Also, does the fanbase really want a title that ONCE AGAIN deals strictly with political conflicts that only stem from social hiccups? Oh yes, Awakening has that but at least they're daring enough to add more, which seems to one as me as the entire focal point of this title--it's Fire Emblem... and more.
--their second complaint was entirely a spoiler element, skipping--
3. "Support conversations. ... While there's plenty of character development, the characterization is never particularly good. There's a more nuanced conversation to be had here, but a quick example should explain what I mean: compare Erk, from FE7, to Ricken. Erk is a young mage like Ricken, but also ambitious and fiercely intelligent, often to a fault; he's got a quick wit, a sharp tongue, and a short temper. He's bad with women. Despite his cool outer appearance, he fatigues easily and obsesses over his master. He feels like a believable and complex human being despite his limited screen time. Ricken feels like a generic anime stereotype with a bit of backstory."
The fault here is the characterization is entirely the choice of the original developers who are based in Japan and thus, cater essentially to themes of escapism that appeal to the audience in the east. A lot of the so-called personality the plaintiff claims to be present in Erk (who btw is only 15 years old and sounds like he has the persona of a 25 year old easily) is entirely the result of the localization team grasping at straws. In the case of FE13, the characters ARE anime stereotypes and whether or not one can feel endeared by this is solely up to the player's discretion. Personally, Erk is way too developed for an individual who hasn't even finished puberty--and there is beauty to be found in simplicity. If you want a believable ~13 year old boy, who actually shows profound maturity (if still naivety) at occasional moments (especially his introductory chapter), Ricken is your man. You will also find a few characters who were polished up a little for the western audience though; Olivia can be a bit too "soft" in the source material (intentional, her trope is "moe") and clearly shows a more proactive mindset in her support conversations with the Avatar/My Unit.
4. "Balance. Or more specifically, the lack of balance. Nosferatu is broken. MU is broken. Frederick is broken. SpotPass content, DLC, and Renown items can trivialize any difficulty mode. You can elect not to take advantage of this imbalance, as I've tried to do recently, but this leads to two sub-problems..."
4a. "Children characters. The children acquire the growths and skills of their parents, making them exceptionally good units. To compensate, they're hidden in difficulty-curve-botching Paralogue maps, which means recruiting most of them on any mode above Normal a practical impossibility. When a typical non-grinding run sees only one or two children characters recruited, you know you've implemented a feature poorly."
4b. "Challenge runs. I remained optimistic as long as I could, but this Lunatic run I've been trying out proves that the game is not designed around challenge runs. If you don't take advantage of broken options, you're left with an under-leveled and outmatched team that demands favorable RNG rolls on the later maps. This leads to an infuriating paradox: the higher difficulties can't be reasonably completed without broken options, but broken options (unsurprisingly) break the game completely. It is impossible to enjoy Lunatic for this reason, and cripples the game's replay ability."
Nosferatu has been nerfed from its first iterations in Western Fire Emblems to half-drain efficacy (originally was 1:1 damage to recovery ratio). The Avatar is hardly broken. Remove Veteran (possible as soon as the preparation menu shows up) and the Avatar levels at the same speed as every other unit. Remove Ignis and the Avatar's damage output goes from above average to below average as their strength and magic will always fall below more specialized classes. Don't want to reclass a bazillion times? Then don't. Frederick is entirely fair for difficulties above Normal and his internal level for starting promoted, in tandem with his crap bases is enough to hurt his longevity (while ensuring you don't explode in one turn on Lunatic/L+). Children paralogues are all optional and the reward of very potent characters certainly justifies the means. I wonder if the plaintiff understands the definition of the word "Lunatic". And are they perhaps aware that most of the development team do not personally advocate playing Lunatic (heck, one man found Hard too challenging for his self)? Lunatic is meant for the ultimate challenge and there are plenty of people who will enjoy it because it forces them to plan their moves many turns in advance (plenty of people love chess, this is a fact).
--their fifth complaint was further rants of "Lunatic+ is unfair!" and thus, skipping--
6. "Inconsistent tone. In places, this is a very dark game. People kill themselves. Thousands are lost in war. The game takes place on the backdrop of past cruelty and oppression. The future is condemned to death and fire. Yet there's plenty of goofy romance, fourth-wall breaking, fanservice, swimsuit scenes, and even awkward slapstick to take whatever serious tone exists and undermine it completely."
"A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down." This is clearly a sentiment the game presents to help keep its audience invested in "the very dark game," its developers created. If one has an honest problem with this, then maybe you should murder every light-hearted individual on the planet. Then you can have your constant grim-dark plots 24/7.
7. "Lacking map design. The open maps are devoid of interesting design, made worse by the lack of meaningful secondary objectives. The Paralogues are better, but still a mixed bag. Nothing says "bleh" like an escort mission with high-level, same-turn reinforcements. The map locations are nicely varied (mountains, plains, waterfalls, giant trees, even a dragon's back), but the design beneath the aesthetic is drab and samey. Awakening really could have used the multiple mission objectives of games like FE5 and FE7."
I do not completely disagree with this. But it would have likely been more trouble than it was worth to implement. They have to cut corners in places to compete with the speed of other games' developments nowadays and so I find the "lack" of variety here as moot since everything else in the game screams, "OMG! Choices!". Reclassing, children, scathes of supports returning to the beloved formula of FE6~9. Honestly I think some people are nigh impossible to please.
Well, that's how I feel. The plaintiff isn't truly wrong, nor without sympathies. But my god, they have a lot of free time to have typed all that spazz. Some people, I tell ya, too much free time!! Lol.
Ciao~.
List of Current Peeves
Things about myself:
-I care way more than I should
-I really need to lose weight
-well, I don't like the way I look and it mostly coincides with--I need to lose weight
-I'm way too shy, and as a result, awkward
-I'm way too honest, and apparently can come off as a "creep" to some people
Things about other people:
-misogynists
-my mother's air-headedness
-my mother and grandfather's doormat-like behavior in regards to their peers
-my mother needs to tell ____ to get the hell out of her house so she CAN LIVE IN HER LEGALLY OWNED PROPERTY (no hate to ____, it's just the principal of the matter)
-my grandfather needs to tell people off when they say dumb/rude things instead of constantly confiding/taking out his hatred on me
-people that think average = undesirable
-promiscuity (I mean MY GOD, reading someone say they'd do their best friend if said friend swings their way is just SCARY)
-prudes (ok, so I want to be able to talk about sex openly)
-people who don't talk much (re: people who give too many single-word responses or take incessantly long to reply)
-people who say they "can't live" because "so and so..."
-anyone who gives me orders or tells me what to do in a commanding/demanding manner
-also, people who don't shut up (re: asking me "what are you up to?" 3 times in 3.5 hours is A BIT INVASIVE)
some of those I've likely shared already, and I don't care, they still annoy me, hah!
take care, randoms~
-I care way more than I should
-I really need to lose weight
-well, I don't like the way I look and it mostly coincides with--I need to lose weight
-I'm way too shy, and as a result, awkward
-I'm way too honest, and apparently can come off as a "creep" to some people
Things about other people:
-misogynists
-my mother's air-headedness
-my mother and grandfather's doormat-like behavior in regards to their peers
-my mother needs to tell ____ to get the hell out of her house so she CAN LIVE IN HER LEGALLY OWNED PROPERTY (no hate to ____, it's just the principal of the matter)
-my grandfather needs to tell people off when they say dumb/rude things instead of constantly confiding/taking out his hatred on me
-people that think average = undesirable
-promiscuity (I mean MY GOD, reading someone say they'd do their best friend if said friend swings their way is just SCARY)
-prudes (ok, so I want to be able to talk about sex openly)
-people who don't talk much (re: people who give too many single-word responses or take incessantly long to reply)
-people who say they "can't live" because "so and so..."
-anyone who gives me orders or tells me what to do in a commanding/demanding manner
-also, people who don't shut up (re: asking me "what are you up to?" 3 times in 3.5 hours is A BIT INVASIVE)
some of those I've likely shared already, and I don't care, they still annoy me, hah!
take care, randoms~
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