Hah, sounds like a magazine column title. Anyway, I was thinking... about a lot of things but mostly...
Why am I a "snake"? I get zodiacs are mostly just a waste of time but my temperament is so unlike that of a snake that it seems odd.
I'm way more like a dog. At times I refer to myself as one in jest but it is remarkably accurate. Even though I'm a homebody, I'm always ecstatic to see people (but can be overwhelmed around large groups). Openly affectionate if permitted, and very warm around family and familiar people. I warm much quicker to strangers than many others do. I'm very easily moved by others' plights and emotions. I'm protective and far more shy than I appear or seem when around people I like. I rarely pick fights and I always come "home" if away too long (that is, I always check in on my friends whom I usually feel "at home" with). I almost instinctively want to instigate cuddling if someone I know appears sad. Hah, and a funny fact is that I usually do pick meat bones damn dry (like if eating chicken or something). xD
But I understand that dogs aren't for everyone. They can be loud or annoying when they come around when you'd rather they not. Still... I think the "dog" sort of person doesn't want to push your buttons... they really just care about you a lot, so if you're stressed or ignoring them, the dog will instinctively come to you. The dog misses you when you're away, even if its not for very long, because everyday feels like a holiday when you're there. Wild dogs instinctively travel in groups so really... a person with a dog's spirit is always happy when they can be with another person, no matter what. Even if they get distracted along the way, the dog will always find its way back to you if it loves you and has felt love given back at least once.
My inner tenacity is definitely on par with that... I feel kind of better, thinking it over. But I think anyone would be happy if compared to "man's best friend", lol. Although, emotionally I guess I am a little, snake-like. Eh, everyone's different. Whatever. ^^
SH2
Friday, March 6, 2015
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Since I want to talk a little
*tries to think of something to start with*
Talk about the crazy dream you had earlier? -nope, too weird; cute, but whoa-ho, no... even if it was just trippy hand-holding and cuddling all things considered
Show the poem you wrote randomly and don't mention the context? -nope, too heavy, poetry is too personal
Talk about games you've been playing or are hyped for? -sure, why not? can't hurt I guess
Tales of Xillia 2 is pretty good, y'know? Although... I don't really get why Muzet is around. I know the first game enough to know her story but its just... eh? Kinda feels like the slot could have gone to someone else if you ask me. But, game's still fun anyway. Too bad there's no bow users or it'd be better, lol. Not sure how I feel about this franchise lately. Zestiria looks a little bland to me but I'll probably get a localized copy when it comes. I'm most looking forward to Persona 5 though I'm not fond of having another mascot character in the playable roster and I don't really like the "cat burglar" attires the characters get. I hope we can change their outfits around later for battles because most of them are "ehhhh" to me. (Ryuji's isn't too bad, I guess.) Sank a lot of time into Drakengard 3. Ahh... so lovely. Though I admit the game will not be for everyone. But the writing is great, the story is interesting and the characters are so-so but work well off each other so its a fun time all through. The English cast clearly put in work and I love the voiceovers so much. And the music... killer. Downsides are the repetitive gameplay and the graphics aren't that stable throughout but still very nice overall. And the true final boss is major dickery but hey, nothing is perfect. Humans made it, lol.
You know I think I'm slowly becoming less and less hyped for most games though lately. Of course it could just be a dour mood getting to me, but maybe I'm just looking forward to other things. Not "what" to play but "who" else is interested in it and who I can share the joy of entertainment with. I like games still but this is an unusual feeling. Maybe... I'd rather be around actual people now instead of losing myself in stories? Kinda funky, can't lie. Haha.
Talk about the crazy dream you had earlier? -nope, too weird; cute, but whoa-ho, no... even if it was just trippy hand-holding and cuddling all things considered
Show the poem you wrote randomly and don't mention the context? -nope, too heavy, poetry is too personal
Talk about games you've been playing or are hyped for? -sure, why not? can't hurt I guess
Tales of Xillia 2 is pretty good, y'know? Although... I don't really get why Muzet is around. I know the first game enough to know her story but its just... eh? Kinda feels like the slot could have gone to someone else if you ask me. But, game's still fun anyway. Too bad there's no bow users or it'd be better, lol. Not sure how I feel about this franchise lately. Zestiria looks a little bland to me but I'll probably get a localized copy when it comes. I'm most looking forward to Persona 5 though I'm not fond of having another mascot character in the playable roster and I don't really like the "cat burglar" attires the characters get. I hope we can change their outfits around later for battles because most of them are "ehhhh" to me. (Ryuji's isn't too bad, I guess.) Sank a lot of time into Drakengard 3. Ahh... so lovely. Though I admit the game will not be for everyone. But the writing is great, the story is interesting and the characters are so-so but work well off each other so its a fun time all through. The English cast clearly put in work and I love the voiceovers so much. And the music... killer. Downsides are the repetitive gameplay and the graphics aren't that stable throughout but still very nice overall. And the true final boss is major dickery but hey, nothing is perfect. Humans made it, lol.
You know I think I'm slowly becoming less and less hyped for most games though lately. Of course it could just be a dour mood getting to me, but maybe I'm just looking forward to other things. Not "what" to play but "who" else is interested in it and who I can share the joy of entertainment with. I like games still but this is an unusual feeling. Maybe... I'd rather be around actual people now instead of losing myself in stories? Kinda funky, can't lie. Haha.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Serious Questions
What I most sincerely want to ask of anyone who smokes (no matter how severely) is... why?
Why smoke at all? Why keep doing it? Is it because you enjoy the fumes of burnt things? Do you also enjoy burnt foods? I'm truly curious to know.
Why smoke when you can do other things? Why smoke if you could just, idk, eat some nice potato chips or hell, any cheap food you can grab that will ultimately affect your health much less drastically? Why smoke if you can just... talk to someone who will listen, if you're feeling alone or sad?
If you are physically unable to talk, can you read? Can you type or communicate in some manner? Do you have the patience to accept the concerns of people who do not share your vice but genuinely want you to... Not Die?
Because... I don't want people to die. Not people who never really hurt anyone but just have one single shortcoming that constantly affects your brain, heart and lungs. If you smoke because you have stopped caring about whether your live or not... you are, my apologies, an incredibly idiotic, selfish person.
You do not have to feel such pain alone. Even if you have a horrible life, it does Not make you the culprit behind all your problems and does Not excuse you for wanting to end it. Take this from a very lonely, awkward person... you're not worthless. Your life has meaning from the moment you are born. Why? Because every time you talk to, smile at, or just hold the door once for anyone else... you've improved the quality of that person's life. That's why your parents, or whoever, supported you. Your happiness reflects upon them. You are their reward. And you are the reward of every person you treat with respect and kindness. You are showing them that they've done something good.
So please... please consider before the next time you choose to reach for that relief in the form of stuff you inhale or whatever you do. Please... why do you want to undo all those smiles by hurting yourself? Do yo truly want to deprive yourself of more smiles evermore by crippling your ability to live? Make everyone's feelings and your own happiness go to waste?
These things make me truly sad. To think people are so torn up that they can't rationally consider these undeniable dilemmas. I do not desire this for anyone. If I could have only one wish... it might be to save these people. I don't like that people must hurt to such a horrific degree. Life is not without pain but... to give you less pain, is what I strive for, my friends. My family. And the ones I've adored. Hugs for you all. ^w^
Why smoke at all? Why keep doing it? Is it because you enjoy the fumes of burnt things? Do you also enjoy burnt foods? I'm truly curious to know.
Why smoke when you can do other things? Why smoke if you could just, idk, eat some nice potato chips or hell, any cheap food you can grab that will ultimately affect your health much less drastically? Why smoke if you can just... talk to someone who will listen, if you're feeling alone or sad?
If you are physically unable to talk, can you read? Can you type or communicate in some manner? Do you have the patience to accept the concerns of people who do not share your vice but genuinely want you to... Not Die?
Because... I don't want people to die. Not people who never really hurt anyone but just have one single shortcoming that constantly affects your brain, heart and lungs. If you smoke because you have stopped caring about whether your live or not... you are, my apologies, an incredibly idiotic, selfish person.
You do not have to feel such pain alone. Even if you have a horrible life, it does Not make you the culprit behind all your problems and does Not excuse you for wanting to end it. Take this from a very lonely, awkward person... you're not worthless. Your life has meaning from the moment you are born. Why? Because every time you talk to, smile at, or just hold the door once for anyone else... you've improved the quality of that person's life. That's why your parents, or whoever, supported you. Your happiness reflects upon them. You are their reward. And you are the reward of every person you treat with respect and kindness. You are showing them that they've done something good.
So please... please consider before the next time you choose to reach for that relief in the form of stuff you inhale or whatever you do. Please... why do you want to undo all those smiles by hurting yourself? Do yo truly want to deprive yourself of more smiles evermore by crippling your ability to live? Make everyone's feelings and your own happiness go to waste?
These things make me truly sad. To think people are so torn up that they can't rationally consider these undeniable dilemmas. I do not desire this for anyone. If I could have only one wish... it might be to save these people. I don't like that people must hurt to such a horrific degree. Life is not without pain but... to give you less pain, is what I strive for, my friends. My family. And the ones I've adored. Hugs for you all. ^w^
Some general statements I agree with
I need a real mood stabilizer right now. I spoke to a friend explaining my circumstances, though summarized it very tightly (left out how hurt I am feeling) and then they started to put their own self down. So I pointed out the simple things they have going for them and stated, "I wasted my time... but I think I would have mostly done the same," regarding the big punch to the gullet I received today. My friend felt better and agreed with me that what's important is to just keep trying to make better choices and things will balance out. I hope so, I truly do.
Anyway, I started to read some general statements pertaining to my star sign, and many I do agree with in regards to, "yeah, I see this in me," and wanted to share some, so...
-statement (my thoughts go here)
[Gemini]
-likes to cook for the one they adore (and how!)
-is a protector of those they love
-isn't one to plan most things; they like to wing it (this can annoy people, lol, but yeah)
-can get jealous but prefers to be indifferent (I think? I would say jealousy won't happen unless I'm not over lingering feelings and stuff)
-has a lot of heart and shows it readily to friends (maybe too much? x.x I wish I could restrain it s'more)
-puts it all on the line for the right person (so true, even if you're not "right", if I care, its a force of habit)
-loves to hold hands more than they're willing to admit (I do! I think hands can be the third prettiest feature of a person, usually after eyes and lips, hah ^^)
-doesn't often splurge on gifts... the true gift from Gemini is time spent together (eat that, you punk-ass bitch! I may have been a blabbermouth but you have hard evidence of the time I spent thinking of you and wanting to share my feelings and stuff all the time... it mattered to me ;_;)
-needs an energetic someone to keep them moving (I do, motivation is a huge lacking facet of mine, its hard without a push, for me)
-has a naughty thought from time to time... but seldom acts on it (I wonder if gemini's tend to stay virgins longer than others? might just be me though, lol)
-is a dreamer with the dream of a perfect relationship (well nobody IS perfect but I just want to make one relationship work eventually, I really do)
-gets silly around that special someone (I'm sorry for talking so much, I didn't know it bothered you so much, if it did... I just, was so happy with your friendship)
-when depressed, is a non-stop eating machine (gods, yes, but lately its reversed, I can barely eat at all, I just want to sleep : |)
-can be a pain in the ass when they're bored (shit, now you tell me... I just hoped my thoughts could at least show that I was more happy than bored and annoying x.x no wonder my mom ignored me as a kid (hah... not funny, sorry))
-gives others the opportunity to make up for past mistakes (yeah! in case... you do change your mind or its just a big mood whiplash, I don't want to be mad at you : |)
-harbors no ill will long-term, although resentment may linger (I resent how I'm being treated most... I still want to be his friend, if nothing else)
-gets easily excited when things are looking up (well my blog can attest to that! I wish... it would extend to others though : |)
-gives you time to explain your side before making a judgement ('tis why the silent treatment is pure torture x.x)
-backs you up even when you don't think you don't need it (just a good point of mine, I think ^^)
-gets worried that loved ones will leave them after a while (... yeah : |)
-is sometimes afraid of change, but will take the chance (maybe this is why I try to reach even people who do stuff I can't stand; its tough, but just want my loved ones to be happy)
-is not a worry wart, but will worry if the subject warrants it (hint, hint!)
-is more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt than other signs would (pains of being "the nice guy" I suppose)
-is most likely to speak up to defend others in their time of need (I will... I know I'm upset and all, but no one is allowed to make you cry, no one, not even me... even though I can't stop from crying over people, darnit x.x)
-has no problem with telling you exactly what issues they have with you (eyup... but I don't try to pick too much, I'd rather focus on the good, there's good in everyone!)
-takes both compliments and insults to heart (explains why I can even cry still... though currently I'm too sick to do so, stupid bowels...)
-isn't always honest, but tries to be as much as possible (sure do!)
-enjoys spending time with family and friends just hanging about (haha, yep, I'm lazy :p)
-likes to forget the past and move forward with a clean slate (honestly in a few weeks if this mood of yours persists, I just want to start over; I do want to be in your life and have you in mine but boy, are you fussy! xD)
-finds that love is worth all the effort and arguing (... I like to hope so, can't say I know for sure x.x)
-believes small gestures are very meaningful in themselves (they are : ) you... were mostly kind towards me, lol, sorry I keep referring to "you" bleh, need a reprogramming of my harddrive, haha)
-has had a hard life enduring the harsh personalities of others (I suppose my grandfather is a culprit here x.x and some people I've tried to talk to, as well)
Well, that's more than enough... I feel a smidge better from venting out these thoughts. Hope I can sleep some, now. Until next time...
Anyway, I started to read some general statements pertaining to my star sign, and many I do agree with in regards to, "yeah, I see this in me," and wanted to share some, so...
-statement (my thoughts go here)
[Gemini]
-likes to cook for the one they adore (and how!)
-is a protector of those they love
-isn't one to plan most things; they like to wing it (this can annoy people, lol, but yeah)
-can get jealous but prefers to be indifferent (I think? I would say jealousy won't happen unless I'm not over lingering feelings and stuff)
-has a lot of heart and shows it readily to friends (maybe too much? x.x I wish I could restrain it s'more)
-puts it all on the line for the right person (so true, even if you're not "right", if I care, its a force of habit)
-loves to hold hands more than they're willing to admit (I do! I think hands can be the third prettiest feature of a person, usually after eyes and lips, hah ^^)
-doesn't often splurge on gifts... the true gift from Gemini is time spent together (eat that, you punk-ass bitch! I may have been a blabbermouth but you have hard evidence of the time I spent thinking of you and wanting to share my feelings and stuff all the time... it mattered to me ;_;)
-needs an energetic someone to keep them moving (I do, motivation is a huge lacking facet of mine, its hard without a push, for me)
-has a naughty thought from time to time... but seldom acts on it (I wonder if gemini's tend to stay virgins longer than others? might just be me though, lol)
-is a dreamer with the dream of a perfect relationship (well nobody IS perfect but I just want to make one relationship work eventually, I really do)
-gets silly around that special someone (I'm sorry for talking so much, I didn't know it bothered you so much, if it did... I just, was so happy with your friendship)
-when depressed, is a non-stop eating machine (gods, yes, but lately its reversed, I can barely eat at all, I just want to sleep : |)
-can be a pain in the ass when they're bored (shit, now you tell me... I just hoped my thoughts could at least show that I was more happy than bored and annoying x.x no wonder my mom ignored me as a kid (hah... not funny, sorry))
-gives others the opportunity to make up for past mistakes (yeah! in case... you do change your mind or its just a big mood whiplash, I don't want to be mad at you : |)
-harbors no ill will long-term, although resentment may linger (I resent how I'm being treated most... I still want to be his friend, if nothing else)
-gets easily excited when things are looking up (well my blog can attest to that! I wish... it would extend to others though : |)
-gives you time to explain your side before making a judgement ('tis why the silent treatment is pure torture x.x)
-backs you up even when you don't think you don't need it (just a good point of mine, I think ^^)
-gets worried that loved ones will leave them after a while (... yeah : |)
-is sometimes afraid of change, but will take the chance (maybe this is why I try to reach even people who do stuff I can't stand; its tough, but just want my loved ones to be happy)
-is not a worry wart, but will worry if the subject warrants it (hint, hint!)
-is more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt than other signs would (pains of being "the nice guy" I suppose)
-is most likely to speak up to defend others in their time of need (I will... I know I'm upset and all, but no one is allowed to make you cry, no one, not even me... even though I can't stop from crying over people, darnit x.x)
-has no problem with telling you exactly what issues they have with you (eyup... but I don't try to pick too much, I'd rather focus on the good, there's good in everyone!)
-takes both compliments and insults to heart (explains why I can even cry still... though currently I'm too sick to do so, stupid bowels...)
-isn't always honest, but tries to be as much as possible (sure do!)
-enjoys spending time with family and friends just hanging about (haha, yep, I'm lazy :p)
-likes to forget the past and move forward with a clean slate (honestly in a few weeks if this mood of yours persists, I just want to start over; I do want to be in your life and have you in mine but boy, are you fussy! xD)
-finds that love is worth all the effort and arguing (... I like to hope so, can't say I know for sure x.x)
-believes small gestures are very meaningful in themselves (they are : ) you... were mostly kind towards me, lol, sorry I keep referring to "you" bleh, need a reprogramming of my harddrive, haha)
-has had a hard life enduring the harsh personalities of others (I suppose my grandfather is a culprit here x.x and some people I've tried to talk to, as well)
Well, that's more than enough... I feel a smidge better from venting out these thoughts. Hope I can sleep some, now. Until next time...
Monday, March 2, 2015
So tired...
Ugh, recovering from being sick and then I get the true silent treatment thrown at me from... someone I thought wanted to be my friend. I just wanted to be supportive and kind. Shows how much good that does me though. x.x When I think I'm showing interest and genuine sentiments towards others, just get doors slammed in my face. Why can't I get someone to love me for who I am, awkward over-attentiveness and everything!? Doesn't have to even be romantic. Even platonic love 'tween a friend would be nice. I am so terrible at finishing anything... guess it really is my own fault I can't forge a complete friendship either. I'm so sorry for burdening you. (to whom it may concern)
Guess I'll take a nap again. This is what I get for trying to be nice to people when I'm tired. I say things, what I think aren't bad things, and end up more alone than ever. Blast. : |
Hope you readers are having better times. Later.
Guess I'll take a nap again. This is what I get for trying to be nice to people when I'm tired. I say things, what I think aren't bad things, and end up more alone than ever. Blast. : |
Hope you readers are having better times. Later.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Sidetrack - Addendum
Thinking it over... I'm not entirely opposed to myself receiving, I think. I go through this every time I seriously consider the physical intimacy aspect of a relationship. I just don't like rough housing or feeling pain, so its hard to let go of my fears. The fear of being thought of as insignificant, if that even exists. I think it is why I try to be so gentle and affectionate with people, even if at times I come off as over-attentive. I can control my baser desires, because... I care enough. I think that's the best way I can explain my feelings. I still do plenty of stuff you'd expect from a single guy. Well, except the no social life, no partying, lol. Maybe I'm just a bore. I wouldn't mind a little party now and then. I have this dream of one day seeing most of my closest internet friends all at once at like a holiday party. ^w^ Because I care for them, we've spent so much time talking with each other and stuff, and the good ones still respond to me. : 3 That's probably why going days without a reply from someone really rattles me. I don't like to be forgotten. : / I hope that I leave a nice impression so people can at least remember me, if only that I talk a bunch and was kind, hah. ^^
Game character concepts (2015, Hester)
I quite like this lady a lot, gotta say. She really speaks to me, like, while *I* would like to hug Georgia and praise her for her level of resolve, Hester is just someone I'd like to be around and listen to, even if it results to her gushing over her love and stories she's picked up on the job. Haha.
Hester
"An intrepid journalist looking to build a tell-all article on the talk of the town, Mayor Tae Kyung-Joon. Her boundless work ethic is unrivaled... assuming her intense passion for her own lover doesn't impair her focus."
Gender: ♀
Age: 28
Ethnicity: White (Scandinavian)
Occupation: Photo-Journalist
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 134 lbs
Build: Statuesque
Hair Color: Blond
Eye Color: Gray
Skin Color: Light
Loves: to learn, discussion, shamelessly teasing Andre
Hates: lack of feed-back, "trolling", working late
Favorite Food: Veggie Burgers
Weapon of Choice: Hookshot, Flash Bomb, Pepper Spray... her travel bag
Back-story and Personality:
Hester was raised in a small, rural community nestled between several mountains. Physical exertion never being her forte, she threw herself into her studies and did quite well academically. She was always a sweet and friendly sort of girl, not experiencing much strife save for not being "rich" by any means. She learned, from the aid of books, to listen very carefully to people and easily understands even the most clumsy speaker around. Lack of experience in busier locales, however, does not deter her spirit. Whatever she takes on, she embraces and coddles like a fragile, thousand-year-old artifact. During college, she met a very sweet and relaxed man called Andre, whose simple charm and fascination in her boundless energy caused her to soar... until she could come to rest, tenderly within his arms. Because of her tendency to work with remarkable verve, her diet occasionally suffers, but she can barely contain her enthusiasm if Andre offers to cook something. Perhaps her own simple needs are what keeps him around, as Hester rarely asks for much at all. Well... unless it involves... pleasuring her lover. A boundlessly kind and giving soul... pure and simple... how unique it is.
Hester
"An intrepid journalist looking to build a tell-all article on the talk of the town, Mayor Tae Kyung-Joon. Her boundless work ethic is unrivaled... assuming her intense passion for her own lover doesn't impair her focus."
Gender: ♀
Age: 28
Ethnicity: White (Scandinavian)
Occupation: Photo-Journalist
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 134 lbs
Build: Statuesque
Hair Color: Blond
Eye Color: Gray
Skin Color: Light
Loves: to learn, discussion, shamelessly teasing Andre
Hates: lack of feed-back, "trolling", working late
Favorite Food: Veggie Burgers
Weapon of Choice: Hookshot, Flash Bomb, Pepper Spray... her travel bag
Back-story and Personality:
Hester was raised in a small, rural community nestled between several mountains. Physical exertion never being her forte, she threw herself into her studies and did quite well academically. She was always a sweet and friendly sort of girl, not experiencing much strife save for not being "rich" by any means. She learned, from the aid of books, to listen very carefully to people and easily understands even the most clumsy speaker around. Lack of experience in busier locales, however, does not deter her spirit. Whatever she takes on, she embraces and coddles like a fragile, thousand-year-old artifact. During college, she met a very sweet and relaxed man called Andre, whose simple charm and fascination in her boundless energy caused her to soar... until she could come to rest, tenderly within his arms. Because of her tendency to work with remarkable verve, her diet occasionally suffers, but she can barely contain her enthusiasm if Andre offers to cook something. Perhaps her own simple needs are what keeps him around, as Hester rarely asks for much at all. Well... unless it involves... pleasuring her lover. A boundlessly kind and giving soul... pure and simple... how unique it is.
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