SH2
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Obligatory Next Food Network Star Hype Post
Wow, another season premiere. I'm sort of surprised this is still going. Okay, so, first critique out of the box--the finalists this year all seem, well, too professional, like all but one of them cook for their 9~5 (several being executive chefs) and it honestly makes it harder for me (the intrepid viewer) to really connect with them because they're too educated and well, too "plastic" for my liking. This does not apply to everyone, naturally. The finalists I'm most in support of this time, based on my first impressions, are Chris K., Loreal (I can't help but think she was named after the product brand, lol, no idea) and Lenny. With Aryen and Reuben being borderline interesting to me and the rest being from "okay" to "meh". I already know Chris K. from his appearance on Cutthroat Kitchen and Lenny I recall seeing before somewhere, although, I do forget where/when precisely. I'd like to point out that I totally did not expect Damaris(?) to win the last time around and Rodney was around way, Way longer than I thought he'd ever get (though that may be my personal bias against pies which were his personal hook). I think Reuben has way too much facial hair, lol, which some of the judging panel agreed with me on (woot!) but barring that, he could be interesting. I do, to be frank, have a general crush on Chris K. (Christopher L. is sooo blegh as well, but I digress). He's funny, passionate about his job (caterer) and being attractive doesn't hurt either. What endears me is that he is among the least polished of the male candidates when it comes to presenting himself to the panel/camera and I love that; if he becomes able to share more personal details in a genuine manner, while maintaining his zeal for people and food, he'll be hard to beat (Loreal is so far the only contestant to truly nail this and I must specify, I did not like her at first reveal). I don't have much else to comment on yet. Ciao.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Think Music
No, not music for thinking, eh, just feel I'll answer another series of questions found elsewhere. (overall this set is pretty well thought which is more than I can say for some; and seeing as no one ever reads this, I'll just answer each one I am able to, nyah P: ).
- 1: A song you like with a color in the title? IOSYS -- Green Limits
- 2: A song you like with a number in the title? Crow's Claw -- The Third Eye (eh? eh?)
- 3: A song that reminds you of summertime? blah, can't think of one... (I don't go out much in hot weather `~`)
- 4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about? can't say I have such a song or person
- 5: A song that needs to be played LOUD? Mass Attack (Shin Sangokumusou 7 OST)
- 6: A song that makes you want to dance? Crow's Claw -- The Grimoire of Alice
- 7: A song to drive to? Crazy Chocobo *shot* Demetori -- View of the River Styx
- 8: A song about drugs or alcohol? don't listen to any such song~
- 9: A song that makes you happy? theme of Anegawa (Sengoku Musou OST) often cheers me up
- 10: A song that makes you sad? Houko Kuwashima -- Endless Sorrow
- 11: A song that you never get tired of? Nanne Groenvall -- Hall Om Mig
- 12: A song from your preteen years? Monica -- The Boy Is Mine (f-ing catchy, man)
- 13: One of your favorite 80’s songs? well... um... born in '89, couldn't really pick up any earworms until like '95 when I could truly understand music so `~`
- 14: A song that you would love played at your wedding? Crazy Chocobo *gun cocks* um... maybe Exceeding Love (Genso Suikoden III OST)
- 15: A song that is a cover by another artist? Amy Lee -- Sally's Song ( =D)
- 16: One of your favorite classical songs? Toccata and Fugue (Bach)
- 17: A song you would sing a duet with on karaoke? duets? uh..... i don't know .-.
- 18: A song from the year that you were born? I wouldn't know where to begin : |
- 19: A song that makes you think about life? Funeral March in C Minor (Chopin)
- 20: A song that has many meanings to you? Septette for the Dead Princess
- 21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title? *shrug*
- 22: A song that moves you forward? Bana -- Shell
- 23: A song that you think everybody should listen to? everyone should rock to Crazy Chocobo!! (FFXIII-2 OST) okay but really... Sarah Brightman -- Chromaggia (Repo!)
- 24: A song by a band you wish were still together? Evanescence -- Anywhere
- 25: A song by an artist no longer living? Glenn Miller -- In the Mood
- 26: A song that makes you want to be in love? Billy Piper -- Honey to the Bee
- 27: A song that breaks your heart? Hank Williams -- I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry
- 28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love? Linda Eder -- Someone Like You (Jekyll & Hyde)
- 29: A song that you remember from your childhood? Tracey Ullman -- Thunderella's Song (Happily Ever After)
- 30: A song that reminds you of yourself? Angra -- Live and Learn
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Random Thoughts of the Day
... or twilight, I mean the sun isn't up yet and its in the AM as I'm forming these thoughts. Yep.
-I didn't know what "YOLO" meant until last Sunday, I feel semi-enlightened but honestly disappointed, it seems dumb to capitalize on "only living once so I can do dumb shit", as it essentially supports that; maybe I'm just anti-fun when I'm single, or maybe I don't care to be reminded of my morality, your pick
-I miss Grape Fanta (or other brands of the soda flavor); *sigh* it's probably my favorite just because I can't have it everyday (though if I could, I'd be tempted)
-I feel somewhat awkward when people talk about like chain restaurants I never heard of like it should be common knowledge to the entire planet; just reminds me of how isolated I usually am .-.; like, Chipotle sounds nice, I like spicy things and chili peppers but what the heck do they even serve besides I presume latin/hispanic cuisines? is that even what they offer? UGH!
-sometimes I'm happy after eating a meatless salad; but often I miss it; oh I do mean the red meats of course, since those are what I prefer to have sparingly... though I worry about possibly stressing any vegetarian friends if they're truly opposed to my eating land animal meat (not giving up fish for anyone, nope, never)
-will I ever find employment? gainful employment that I don't mind sticking with? staying tied to one thing (strictly metaphorically) can be difficult for me; that and well, Idk, I think some employers in retail have ass-backwards priorities when scouting for workers; I would really like to be proven wrong on that someday
-it's not just the alcohol content (and assorted health issues exacerbated by its consumption) that turns me off cocktails and whatnot, its the flavors, textures of mixed drinks and honestly just not being inhibited that I can't physically nor mentally bring myself to appreciating (just want to be clear on that... if I need to tell someone ever)
-I think if I had to break it down, I'm uh, predominantly homosexual, genderqueer (to be specific I usually feel I lack a particular gender identity when breaking down my habits and mannerisms, but I don't consider myself lacking a gender either, its hard because its more of a social thing than something I can just clarify myself), also demisexual and panromantic (those I can attest to)
-why can't people just be green and purple, then mate to have wicked (i.e. cool) striped skin babies? and save us from all the racial issues the world thinks it has
-I don't really feel "white" most of the time, if that makes sense, but I don't feel like any ethnicity in particular either, I'm not sure why that is or if I should be concerned about it
*yawn* welp, starting to feel sleepy now; at least some good is coming from my silly ranting, lol, may just cure insomnia yet!
-I didn't know what "YOLO" meant until last Sunday, I feel semi-enlightened but honestly disappointed, it seems dumb to capitalize on "only living once so I can do dumb shit", as it essentially supports that; maybe I'm just anti-fun when I'm single, or maybe I don't care to be reminded of my morality, your pick
-I miss Grape Fanta (or other brands of the soda flavor); *sigh* it's probably my favorite just because I can't have it everyday (though if I could, I'd be tempted)
-I feel somewhat awkward when people talk about like chain restaurants I never heard of like it should be common knowledge to the entire planet; just reminds me of how isolated I usually am .-.; like, Chipotle sounds nice, I like spicy things and chili peppers but what the heck do they even serve besides I presume latin/hispanic cuisines? is that even what they offer? UGH!
-sometimes I'm happy after eating a meatless salad; but often I miss it; oh I do mean the red meats of course, since those are what I prefer to have sparingly... though I worry about possibly stressing any vegetarian friends if they're truly opposed to my eating land animal meat (not giving up fish for anyone, nope, never)
-will I ever find employment? gainful employment that I don't mind sticking with? staying tied to one thing (strictly metaphorically) can be difficult for me; that and well, Idk, I think some employers in retail have ass-backwards priorities when scouting for workers; I would really like to be proven wrong on that someday
-it's not just the alcohol content (and assorted health issues exacerbated by its consumption) that turns me off cocktails and whatnot, its the flavors, textures of mixed drinks and honestly just not being inhibited that I can't physically nor mentally bring myself to appreciating (just want to be clear on that... if I need to tell someone ever)
-I think if I had to break it down, I'm uh, predominantly homosexual, genderqueer (to be specific I usually feel I lack a particular gender identity when breaking down my habits and mannerisms, but I don't consider myself lacking a gender either, its hard because its more of a social thing than something I can just clarify myself), also demisexual and panromantic (those I can attest to)
-why can't people just be green and purple, then mate to have wicked (i.e. cool) striped skin babies? and save us from all the racial issues the world thinks it has
-I don't really feel "white" most of the time, if that makes sense, but I don't feel like any ethnicity in particular either, I'm not sure why that is or if I should be concerned about it
*yawn* welp, starting to feel sleepy now; at least some good is coming from my silly ranting, lol, may just cure insomnia yet!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Holiday Update
Eh, why not? So, Happy Easter to whoever reads this (all 5 of you?), especially you, B, hope Hong Kong is being nice to you *pinches cheek*, lolol.
I tend to skip get-togethers on holidays not named Christmas and Thanksgiving, mainly because...
1). If there's more than 7 people other than myself present, I feel modestly overwhelmed. (Fact: I tend to be 30% more likely to do things, period, if left entirely by myself, including socializing, i.e. the internet.)
2). Pets, especially dogs and birds (pretty much anything that makes noise frequently) can really grate on me and I hate when non-humanoids invade my personal space.
3). At MOST holiday gatherings in East-Central PA, the food is so BORING. Well really because White European food itself bores me to tears. That and well, here's the general things offered, as an example:
-Ham (which I nearly never eat in any form excluding bacon at times)
-Broccoli covered in a crappy bacon dressing (except this "bacon", eww)
-Sweet potatoes (never eat them, I never liked the taste)
-Fruit salad (blegh, no)
-chocolate cake (I don't eat chocolate cake, as one may know, I prefer carrot)
-marshmallow peeps (I dun eat marshmallow either)
leaving me...
-corn on the cob
-some type of stuffing that appears to have potatoes mixed in (*commences eye-rolling*)
-white cake (...eh)
I can't eat the broccoli salad thing because of that dressing so like... all I'm getting is carbs and a starchy vegetable. Also, ham on Easter? Why not steak or duck or something other than HAM which you always make on Christmas anyway if you're of my family ethnicity? Augh.
Generally if I ever get in a committed relationship, I will seriously assert my preferences regarding something other than boring meat and fattening sides and boring as all get-out vegetables at my holiday meals. How am I supposed to come out of my shell with anyone if the food offers nothing I can't get at a diner in Jersey? (which some places thereat are scads better)
My "ideal" holiday menu would probably be more likely to feature:
-some variety of freshwater fish
-some variety of seafood
-an assortment of rice and pasta options
-some game meat (turkey, vension, goose, as examples) as the main protein
-at least two vegan/vegetarian entrees
-assorted sides/appetizers of salads, fried offerings, and quite possibly tacos
meaning that the biggest rules if you attend my residence on a holiday, BYOB and BYOD (bring your own booze--I don't drink, and bring your own dessert, I don't bake and all you'd likely find would be mints and tic tacs, frankly); lest whoever I end up with happens to be either a pastry chef or a wine connoisseur, then one of those conditions may verily vanish
Uh, how am I otherwise, you ask? (since this supposed to be an update, apparently) Egh, more or less the same. Still single (not that that ever matters, I mean, some people want to have sex with consenting couples which just bugs me on a personal level) and nothing much goes on with me. Besides the mediocre food that begs the question why I'm even overweight, since most stuff I get I would rather return, lol. I suppose that will have to suffice, internet.
I tend to skip get-togethers on holidays not named Christmas and Thanksgiving, mainly because...
1). If there's more than 7 people other than myself present, I feel modestly overwhelmed. (Fact: I tend to be 30% more likely to do things, period, if left entirely by myself, including socializing, i.e. the internet.)
2). Pets, especially dogs and birds (pretty much anything that makes noise frequently) can really grate on me and I hate when non-humanoids invade my personal space.
3). At MOST holiday gatherings in East-Central PA, the food is so BORING. Well really because White European food itself bores me to tears. That and well, here's the general things offered, as an example:
-Ham (which I nearly never eat in any form excluding bacon at times)
-Broccoli covered in a crappy bacon dressing (except this "bacon", eww)
-Sweet potatoes (never eat them, I never liked the taste)
-Fruit salad (blegh, no)
-chocolate cake (I don't eat chocolate cake, as one may know, I prefer carrot)
-marshmallow peeps (I dun eat marshmallow either)
leaving me...
-corn on the cob
-some type of stuffing that appears to have potatoes mixed in (*commences eye-rolling*)
-white cake (...eh)
I can't eat the broccoli salad thing because of that dressing so like... all I'm getting is carbs and a starchy vegetable. Also, ham on Easter? Why not steak or duck or something other than HAM which you always make on Christmas anyway if you're of my family ethnicity? Augh.
Generally if I ever get in a committed relationship, I will seriously assert my preferences regarding something other than boring meat and fattening sides and boring as all get-out vegetables at my holiday meals. How am I supposed to come out of my shell with anyone if the food offers nothing I can't get at a diner in Jersey? (which some places thereat are scads better)
My "ideal" holiday menu would probably be more likely to feature:
-some variety of freshwater fish
-some variety of seafood
-an assortment of rice and pasta options
-some game meat (turkey, vension, goose, as examples) as the main protein
-at least two vegan/vegetarian entrees
-assorted sides/appetizers of salads, fried offerings, and quite possibly tacos
meaning that the biggest rules if you attend my residence on a holiday, BYOB and BYOD (bring your own booze--I don't drink, and bring your own dessert, I don't bake and all you'd likely find would be mints and tic tacs, frankly); lest whoever I end up with happens to be either a pastry chef or a wine connoisseur, then one of those conditions may verily vanish
Uh, how am I otherwise, you ask? (since this supposed to be an update, apparently) Egh, more or less the same. Still single (not that that ever matters, I mean, some people want to have sex with consenting couples which just bugs me on a personal level) and nothing much goes on with me. Besides the mediocre food that begs the question why I'm even overweight, since most stuff I get I would rather return, lol. I suppose that will have to suffice, internet.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Internal Conflicts
Ominous post title is ominous, ooooo~.
I could seriously groan about some things though. Welp, so I'm single again. Not that that's a large surprise given my personal rapport but... its still mildly depressing. Oh well, I felt my connection to him fading about a month ago anyway and a week or more ago, the little scrod declares himself single and to "hit me up" in an update. Don't even bother trying to talk to the guy who would stick buy you so long as it was what you desired, just declare yourself open for business. No offense, but its just a little cheap. Do you even respect yourself? Did you even think, "hey, he's not talking much, maybe he thinks I'm busy or maybe, idk, he wants me to grab his attention with a simple, 'hi' once within 168 hours?" Honestly, I have my doubts, but I will not deny you making your own decisions. It's more than you've actively given me in months. I handed you my undivided devotion for 7, se-ven, months. I know I can't do much but I would have given you the moon if it were even possible. It's your loss.
I want to say that, but really, I don't feel I deserve to. I know how imperfect I am that it seriously hurts. My own mother just didn't care enough about me growing up. I have no father and my grandfather has lost his patience with my eons ago and we argue too easily over petty things. I do not envy my home life in the slightest.
I try very hard to be positive and kind to other people but it feels increasingly difficult lately. One acquaintance barely speaks to me. The one who speaks to me most actively has been in a series of odd extremes of interest and apathy lately that when I try to share things I'm happy to do so (in the act of share, discuss, etc.) I feel like I'm doing them more harm than good. It doesn't help they've felt slightly abused in their closest relationship outside myself (relatively speaking, this may not be fully accurate). One acquaintance I have to practically berate just to get them to talk to me like a normal human being with due respect and I feel like I lecture them a lot over things I shouldn't need to. And the last one, I have even less patience with and they are under the impression I'm always mean and tight wound with everyone ever.
Well, being single I guess lets me mingle. If you can even call it that. One person I do like, a lot. I genuinely want to know them better but its hard for me to say that straight out. I know they've also had a lot of bad luck (this is a person whose "first time" occurred when they were barely a teenager and could be described as non-consensual by some accounts) with relationships that they are likely more hesitant than ME at trying again. My timing appears to just really blow right now. Regardless of how they respond, I won't press them too much regardless. It's someone I really want to do right by (and I've been trying to do so each time aforehand as well) so its okay if he doesn't want to try Skype-ing me or whatnot. I just want to spend time with him because I have liked him for a long time already. I have more or less implied I certainly "like" him but well, you know, he may not think I "like him, like him", for some reason. I hope I haven't done anything to offend him or if there's something about me that somehow repulses him that I'm unaware of. One can hope.
Sometimes I also feel confused about my sexual identity. Not as far as whether I'm gay or not (still pretty certainly am) but regarding my "position" and stuff. I would like to top, but some people have given me the impression that a person isn't gay unless they've had butt sex and were receiving it (as a male). Yes I believe this is bull (because girls can plug their straight mates' arses with a dildo if it so fancies them to be perfectly frank) but SOME people act snobbish towards others just because they feel because they have experience it gives them the right to levy the, "but how do you know!? you haven't done it" card. And that is just rude, okay. Maybe I don't want to take it because I don't WANT TO, I certainly don't need to have any sex, okay? I at least deserve to have my first time be how I want because most of the time I'm too focused on what everyone else wants and when they leave me I feel that I failed to be of any worth to them! I failed to make them happy, to make them unable to find their way out of sorrow, to realize they could be happy with me. So excuse me if I want to top a person once in my life because I like to GIVE more than RECEIVE in every sense of the word. I'm so shy about my body because my family never supports me in anything and my grandfather puts me down all the time, insisting I go on extreme crash diets like its perfectly normal. And I don't care about being attractive. I want to be desired for things other than my appearance. .-. But according to my family, "no one will want to be with you (me) because of how you look and you never do anything". Yep.
The latter point is total bull. I do plenty, at times I feel I'm doing too much. I just don't have drive to do certain things like drive a vehicle, or work out, or "socialize" (hah, what a joke, like I'm going to drive 30 minutes to even get towards civilization and come home just to say I did something with people, the people that close are mostly boring as dirt anyway). Not for just myself. For another... maybe. It's easier. If they at least talk to me enough and sincerely want it themself. All you really need to say is, "I want it for you because... it's you," and if I know myself and have gotten to know you, I'll probably believe you then. And it will be enough. You (to my future lover) are enough.
'Til next time, readers.
I could seriously groan about some things though. Welp, so I'm single again. Not that that's a large surprise given my personal rapport but... its still mildly depressing. Oh well, I felt my connection to him fading about a month ago anyway and a week or more ago, the little scrod declares himself single and to "hit me up" in an update. Don't even bother trying to talk to the guy who would stick buy you so long as it was what you desired, just declare yourself open for business. No offense, but its just a little cheap. Do you even respect yourself? Did you even think, "hey, he's not talking much, maybe he thinks I'm busy or maybe, idk, he wants me to grab his attention with a simple, 'hi' once within 168 hours?" Honestly, I have my doubts, but I will not deny you making your own decisions. It's more than you've actively given me in months. I handed you my undivided devotion for 7, se-ven, months. I know I can't do much but I would have given you the moon if it were even possible. It's your loss.
I want to say that, but really, I don't feel I deserve to. I know how imperfect I am that it seriously hurts. My own mother just didn't care enough about me growing up. I have no father and my grandfather has lost his patience with my eons ago and we argue too easily over petty things. I do not envy my home life in the slightest.
I try very hard to be positive and kind to other people but it feels increasingly difficult lately. One acquaintance barely speaks to me. The one who speaks to me most actively has been in a series of odd extremes of interest and apathy lately that when I try to share things I'm happy to do so (in the act of share, discuss, etc.) I feel like I'm doing them more harm than good. It doesn't help they've felt slightly abused in their closest relationship outside myself (relatively speaking, this may not be fully accurate). One acquaintance I have to practically berate just to get them to talk to me like a normal human being with due respect and I feel like I lecture them a lot over things I shouldn't need to. And the last one, I have even less patience with and they are under the impression I'm always mean and tight wound with everyone ever.
Well, being single I guess lets me mingle. If you can even call it that. One person I do like, a lot. I genuinely want to know them better but its hard for me to say that straight out. I know they've also had a lot of bad luck (this is a person whose "first time" occurred when they were barely a teenager and could be described as non-consensual by some accounts) with relationships that they are likely more hesitant than ME at trying again. My timing appears to just really blow right now. Regardless of how they respond, I won't press them too much regardless. It's someone I really want to do right by (and I've been trying to do so each time aforehand as well) so its okay if he doesn't want to try Skype-ing me or whatnot. I just want to spend time with him because I have liked him for a long time already. I have more or less implied I certainly "like" him but well, you know, he may not think I "like him, like him", for some reason. I hope I haven't done anything to offend him or if there's something about me that somehow repulses him that I'm unaware of. One can hope.
Sometimes I also feel confused about my sexual identity. Not as far as whether I'm gay or not (still pretty certainly am) but regarding my "position" and stuff. I would like to top, but some people have given me the impression that a person isn't gay unless they've had butt sex and were receiving it (as a male). Yes I believe this is bull (because girls can plug their straight mates' arses with a dildo if it so fancies them to be perfectly frank) but SOME people act snobbish towards others just because they feel because they have experience it gives them the right to levy the, "but how do you know!? you haven't done it" card. And that is just rude, okay. Maybe I don't want to take it because I don't WANT TO, I certainly don't need to have any sex, okay? I at least deserve to have my first time be how I want because most of the time I'm too focused on what everyone else wants and when they leave me I feel that I failed to be of any worth to them! I failed to make them happy, to make them unable to find their way out of sorrow, to realize they could be happy with me. So excuse me if I want to top a person once in my life because I like to GIVE more than RECEIVE in every sense of the word. I'm so shy about my body because my family never supports me in anything and my grandfather puts me down all the time, insisting I go on extreme crash diets like its perfectly normal. And I don't care about being attractive. I want to be desired for things other than my appearance. .-. But according to my family, "no one will want to be with you (me) because of how you look and you never do anything". Yep.
The latter point is total bull. I do plenty, at times I feel I'm doing too much. I just don't have drive to do certain things like drive a vehicle, or work out, or "socialize" (hah, what a joke, like I'm going to drive 30 minutes to even get towards civilization and come home just to say I did something with people, the people that close are mostly boring as dirt anyway). Not for just myself. For another... maybe. It's easier. If they at least talk to me enough and sincerely want it themself. All you really need to say is, "I want it for you because... it's you," and if I know myself and have gotten to know you, I'll probably believe you then. And it will be enough. You (to my future lover) are enough.
'Til next time, readers.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Resonance
What? Were you expecting this post to be titled "resolutions" because its being drafted on January 1st? It's like you don't even know me at all. Anyway...
I don't get why people refer to skin tones by colors, especially when those colors don't even match well. So here's the real list of complexions: Cream, Peach, Cinnamon, Caramel, Chocolate, Licorice. I dare you to argue with the truth. (see, people are naturally sweet, but all of those listed components also have bitter notes, it's utterly perfect)
I frankly do not comprehend some people's hang-ups on their appearance making them "naturally predisposed to negative criticism" (that quote being a summary of some people's exact feelings on the matter). Unless you explicitly choose to modify your natural appearance (an extreme example being the late M. Jackson) then you have no right to obsess over something as vain and empty because hey... you have no true control over what you look like. Yes, you can alter your diet and exercise plan to achieve some level of self-gratification, but you're still always going to look like your parents whether you damn well like it or not. I digress; it's just... in at least a slight majority, your parents must have found some attraction and/or comfort in each other to have been able to conceive your life, y'know? If you were born of love, or at least born out of the mutual glimmering of two souls... you're not ugly. And for those unfortunate to not have been conceived under those circumstances... one soul was still shining, and now so is your own.
Bah, it's just... life is so precious. I hope you can understand, readers, why I am so hurt by people who would harm or prematurely end such a thing. It's a large part of why smoking cigarettes and the like bothers me so much, let alone it irritating my ability to even breathe if I'm exposed to the noxious gases. And it is why I could never just abide someone having suicidal thoughts. It's never too late to affect someone, to have the chance to make just one person other than yourself feel better. You can accomplish that just by being around them, just by talking to someone new. You're only as alone as you choose to let yourself feel. So stop it... because you're hurting me, you selfish punks. I think you get the idea. P:
Yes, I think about things like the above. Not to a degree I'd consider completely unnatural, but probably more than an average citizen. I like to hope maybe that's what some people might find attractive about me, if they get to know me. I also like to hope that maybe, on occasion, someone genuinely found me attractive, perhaps by my looks or my ideals, or perhaps just my honesty in the general way I respond to queries on a social media website. And that maybe, for an unknown quantity of time, they sat and looked at a picture of me and felt a degree of happiness. At times I do that, myself. That is, sometimes when I'm just perusing the internet through personal blogs and social media, I just happen upon one or more persons I find likable, maybe not even people I would even be comfortable speaking to face to face, but for just a moment, I feel better, having seen or reading of such a person. I feel better because there's still people I can like in the world and feel less alone. It's a wonderful feeling.
Today is Jerod's birthday and well, he also contributes feelings of the aforementioned quality. Probably in ways he nor most may expect. Yep. ^_^
I don't get why people refer to skin tones by colors, especially when those colors don't even match well. So here's the real list of complexions: Cream, Peach, Cinnamon, Caramel, Chocolate, Licorice. I dare you to argue with the truth. (see, people are naturally sweet, but all of those listed components also have bitter notes, it's utterly perfect)
I frankly do not comprehend some people's hang-ups on their appearance making them "naturally predisposed to negative criticism" (that quote being a summary of some people's exact feelings on the matter). Unless you explicitly choose to modify your natural appearance (an extreme example being the late M. Jackson) then you have no right to obsess over something as vain and empty because hey... you have no true control over what you look like. Yes, you can alter your diet and exercise plan to achieve some level of self-gratification, but you're still always going to look like your parents whether you damn well like it or not. I digress; it's just... in at least a slight majority, your parents must have found some attraction and/or comfort in each other to have been able to conceive your life, y'know? If you were born of love, or at least born out of the mutual glimmering of two souls... you're not ugly. And for those unfortunate to not have been conceived under those circumstances... one soul was still shining, and now so is your own.
Bah, it's just... life is so precious. I hope you can understand, readers, why I am so hurt by people who would harm or prematurely end such a thing. It's a large part of why smoking cigarettes and the like bothers me so much, let alone it irritating my ability to even breathe if I'm exposed to the noxious gases. And it is why I could never just abide someone having suicidal thoughts. It's never too late to affect someone, to have the chance to make just one person other than yourself feel better. You can accomplish that just by being around them, just by talking to someone new. You're only as alone as you choose to let yourself feel. So stop it... because you're hurting me, you selfish punks. I think you get the idea. P:
Yes, I think about things like the above. Not to a degree I'd consider completely unnatural, but probably more than an average citizen. I like to hope maybe that's what some people might find attractive about me, if they get to know me. I also like to hope that maybe, on occasion, someone genuinely found me attractive, perhaps by my looks or my ideals, or perhaps just my honesty in the general way I respond to queries on a social media website. And that maybe, for an unknown quantity of time, they sat and looked at a picture of me and felt a degree of happiness. At times I do that, myself. That is, sometimes when I'm just perusing the internet through personal blogs and social media, I just happen upon one or more persons I find likable, maybe not even people I would even be comfortable speaking to face to face, but for just a moment, I feel better, having seen or reading of such a person. I feel better because there's still people I can like in the world and feel less alone. It's a wonderful feeling.
Today is Jerod's birthday and well, he also contributes feelings of the aforementioned quality. Probably in ways he nor most may expect. Yep. ^_^
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Thought, Serial
Punny title has puns. But it is fitting. Sort of. My thoughts are rarely that organized anyway. It should be obvious since most of this blog (collectively, not this post alone) is ranting and raving. Indubitably.
So for those who may be unaware, (okay, that is likely a vast majority of the world but the small collective of people who've read this blog are likely more aware) my Myers-Briggs personality typology classifies me as INFJ (the J portion is so gray that INFP also fits me just as much). That is to say...
I am introverted, meaning I am usually more interested in ideas than on what's going on around me ("I"). I learn in a more abstract manner than from concrete facts ("N"). I make decisions based on how I believe myself and others are affected personally rather than being supported by impersonal cause and effect ("F"). And I very slightly prefer order and planning when it comes to others than I do leaving things to spontaneity ("J"). (That last bit is undoubtedly true, especially when it comes to other people making decisions for me--which I truly loathe, I wish to be consulted with due notice on most accounts unless it is utterly urgent, like life-or-death).
The fact I am introverted does alienate me a lot in regards to my grandfather, who constantly expresses his want for me to "get out and socialize" which is just something that never was my interest. Honestly, I prefer to sit, indoors, reading most of the day, sometimes talking with friends and that is about it... it's enough to offer me a small degree of contentedness. Yet this is so foreign to him that he always berates me for my lack of desire to do much and often threatens to cut me off from doing so just to coerce me into seeking alternative outlets. I AM NOT YOU! (to grandfather) I don't like talking to every random person I happen to know when passing them in public, the way you do. I don't enjoy "get togethers", and I do not enjoy divulging my private life to anyone other than me and the persons involved. (this is a reference to his past history of eavesdropping on my phone conversations, even those with my mother, no less) I am not attending counseling to "change my ways", it's so someone can listen to me in the way you seem entirely incapable of doing. Unbiased, yet willing out of concern. Honest and fair if they need to be, never forceful. It's no wonder I find most aggression such a turn off because you yell at me so easily for the most minor of grievances. I don't hate you, but you make it very difficult for me to live in happiness to the point I can barely go through a holiday without crying over your STUPID, ASININE STUBBORNNESS.
... I really needed to vent that, my apologies to the readers.
A fair portion of my friends are introverted but it is not necessarily a precursor for my basis of relationships. Of the three people I have (up to the present) felt intimately attached to and wanted in a complete sense, the first was introverted, the second was borderline (more extroverted than me but similar in other aspects) and the third, current one is probably extroverted (he seems so). And I am fine with that. Because, in the present and any future case, I will do everything to make my partner feel like they are the most important thing in the world. I may not hit one over the head with it, (it's okay if we don't talk every day) but it is my desire. To me, they are (excluding my own life, not me personally, but I will not die for anyone, in simple words). I am able to exert a degree of dominance when I deem it necessary but honestly, as long as you don't give in to promiscuity nor do anything to harm yourself or others, you can do pretty much anything you would want in a relationship with me. Because I value freedom, especially emotional freedoms. To feel like your heart is free, to grow and continuously give love where it's due is really one of the few ideals that keeps me sane and mildly optimistic. I would like to think that's something my boyfriend likes about me, since he's said he does feel like I truly care about him (which is one of the best compliments one can receive, in my opinion). Yes.
So for those who may be unaware, (okay, that is likely a vast majority of the world but the small collective of people who've read this blog are likely more aware) my Myers-Briggs personality typology classifies me as INFJ (the J portion is so gray that INFP also fits me just as much). That is to say...
I am introverted, meaning I am usually more interested in ideas than on what's going on around me ("I"). I learn in a more abstract manner than from concrete facts ("N"). I make decisions based on how I believe myself and others are affected personally rather than being supported by impersonal cause and effect ("F"). And I very slightly prefer order and planning when it comes to others than I do leaving things to spontaneity ("J"). (That last bit is undoubtedly true, especially when it comes to other people making decisions for me--which I truly loathe, I wish to be consulted with due notice on most accounts unless it is utterly urgent, like life-or-death).
The fact I am introverted does alienate me a lot in regards to my grandfather, who constantly expresses his want for me to "get out and socialize" which is just something that never was my interest. Honestly, I prefer to sit, indoors, reading most of the day, sometimes talking with friends and that is about it... it's enough to offer me a small degree of contentedness. Yet this is so foreign to him that he always berates me for my lack of desire to do much and often threatens to cut me off from doing so just to coerce me into seeking alternative outlets. I AM NOT YOU! (to grandfather) I don't like talking to every random person I happen to know when passing them in public, the way you do. I don't enjoy "get togethers", and I do not enjoy divulging my private life to anyone other than me and the persons involved. (this is a reference to his past history of eavesdropping on my phone conversations, even those with my mother, no less) I am not attending counseling to "change my ways", it's so someone can listen to me in the way you seem entirely incapable of doing. Unbiased, yet willing out of concern. Honest and fair if they need to be, never forceful. It's no wonder I find most aggression such a turn off because you yell at me so easily for the most minor of grievances. I don't hate you, but you make it very difficult for me to live in happiness to the point I can barely go through a holiday without crying over your STUPID, ASININE STUBBORNNESS.
... I really needed to vent that, my apologies to the readers.
A fair portion of my friends are introverted but it is not necessarily a precursor for my basis of relationships. Of the three people I have (up to the present) felt intimately attached to and wanted in a complete sense, the first was introverted, the second was borderline (more extroverted than me but similar in other aspects) and the third, current one is probably extroverted (he seems so). And I am fine with that. Because, in the present and any future case, I will do everything to make my partner feel like they are the most important thing in the world. I may not hit one over the head with it, (it's okay if we don't talk every day) but it is my desire. To me, they are (excluding my own life, not me personally, but I will not die for anyone, in simple words). I am able to exert a degree of dominance when I deem it necessary but honestly, as long as you don't give in to promiscuity nor do anything to harm yourself or others, you can do pretty much anything you would want in a relationship with me. Because I value freedom, especially emotional freedoms. To feel like your heart is free, to grow and continuously give love where it's due is really one of the few ideals that keeps me sane and mildly optimistic. I would like to think that's something my boyfriend likes about me, since he's said he does feel like I truly care about him (which is one of the best compliments one can receive, in my opinion). Yes.
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