(Hey, I changed the banner thing again. Have to say, I still really dig this picture after first seeing it probably not long after it was done; gave credit to the artist in the caption anyway so hopefully they don't mind? Google is your friend if you want the non-cropped version. ... and get your mind out of the gutter! It's a tasteful image barring the obvious fanservice. xP)
Well, my grandparents aren't fighting anymore so that's good news, kinda? Well, I guess I do understand getting a little caught up over words, it is a more common habit with my grandfather than it is for me, but I also forgive people faster so I still feel like the only sane adult around, heh. Nothing else really new of yet to discuss about the homefront.
I wish I could connect with people in a less... awkward fashion. I dunno, I suppose I really just worry too much on the whole thing but I'd say that just trying to set aside time to meet someone and following through is good... even if the person you're hoping to meet doesn't show. So, I tried to make a new acquaintance the other day, basically. He was already added to my friend list on this site for some time (probably a few weeks, I'm pretty selective on who I add to stuff), I was just browsing it recently and saw he had checked my profile (since you can see that, kinda handy I guess). So I just thought, "well, Friday probably isn't too bad of a day to find time to talk; end of the week and that jazz," and I simply send him a message inviting him to talk with me (including relevant contact info), feeling a little motivated by the fact that their last status message was asking for people to talk to in the first place. So, message sent and all that's left is to wait. I logged on to the requested IM system and waited... for the better part of 11 hours. No show. Well, it is around the holiday time, so it's fairly possible the guy was preoccupied with various obligations and maybe also it was just a "do nothing" day for him (I have them, myself). I'm a little down from basically wasting time sitting around doing nothing all that time (did have some conversation with a more regular friend for about half of the duration) but at least... I held up my part of the agreement, as casual and impromptu as it was.
I have been thinking of myself overall, well, just trying to pick out my good and not-so-good points, if only so I could try listing them and thus make myself seem not so hard to understand. I generally think most people don't really expect someone who doesn't know them too well to really care how they are or even want to talk to them... so, it's difficult trying to introduce someone as well, uncommon as me. I'm like so very simple and so extraordinarily complex at the same time, only few people really get me (and even then, not completely). That's fine though, as long as they're willing to accept whatever parts they do get, as I will always do my best to accept as much, if not all, of them that I can. Afterall, the only person who ever will be able to accept ALL of you is you alone; to hope otherwise is foolish and unwise, you'd be better off cloning yourself. And we certainly know there's plenty of people who are NOT entirely comfortable with their self. I wouldn't say I like everything about myself either, but I'm living with it, that's more than some people can say, too.
Regarding me now...
Good Points
-great level of patience (as you probably figured out, asides from casually browsing the net and chatting with one friend, I DID wait ~11 hours for a person I never even met afore...) that you probably won't find a lot of
-I'm really honest about pretty much everything, even if it doesn't make me look good (hello--blog, anyone?) which I do think shows a level of selfless righteousness, how often do you see that and are able to believe it (of course, I'm sure some people still think I'm impossible--why, thank you, I like being weird, yes!)
-I never pass judgment on people who don't give me anything to well--hate, for lack of better words; there are certain displays I certainly won't agree with but I assure you, unless you catch my attention in a positive light, then I certainly AM NOT thinking of you
-following that, I don't talk about people much when they aren't around; and I will freely pick at things I don't agree with about you, but this also shows that I find you important enough to comment on, to try to improve, or just to reach a better level of understanding for myself; sorta the bully concept, if you will, I only focus on people I actually like, leading to teasing or even scolding (that said, I don't really troll people because I don't like to spend excess time being "clever", straight up)
-I do tend to put others' well-being before my own; sometimes this shows in more iffy ways as I will explain when relevant~
-you how there's random people who think your nose is too big or too small or some other crap similar to that? at least I'm not one of them--and I'm not saying that I'd be entirely cool with someone with severe deformities, but I generally find I tend to have a broader aesthetic appreciation range than most; as always, your mileage will vary; you've best results if you try talking to me first if you want me to "rate" you to any degree
-you may (or may not) notice that I don't use much strong language, at least considering that this blog is entirely my personal thoughts; I think that's a minor good point and if you want my opinion, I think cursing only shows your lack of self-control in the most ugly way aside from outright committing a crime or resorting to violence
-yes, I'm pretty placid I'd say; if I raise a hand against you seriously, you'll know you really upset me by the point that I've lost regards for your safety; I'm not really a fighter, but mass and gravity tends to be in my favor in most cases
Not-So-Good Points
-I'm not comfortable with those "silent" types; if you don't want to talk when I start a conversation, you better tell me outright or I will not shut up at times, for better or worse (I mean, Really people!? it's the internet, you have every right to be as loud as you want and even tell people off as much as you want--stop being such emo doormats)
-"I don't know" is not good enough; if you don't know--think harder! take a break, come back to it after a while and you may notice something different; but lord help you if you constantly give me "I don't know" in response to what I'm saying; at least let me know you hear me and...
-instead of "I'm sorry", try "thank you for your input" when you feel lost and can't figure what to say--I don't like people who apologize when they have done NOTHING to me to be truly sorry for; why do I mention these things as my flaws? because I can be easily put-off if you give me these responses in a serious manner; I cannot help you if you will not try to help yourself; capisce?
-I don't care much for grammar, so please mind my way of stating things most of the time; I just try to get the point across as I'd actually say it and sometimes, even w-write in such a way if I'm really feeling uncertain to the point I would stammer the word in person; sometimes this bugs people, but I will clean it up a bit on say, forum posts
-I don't like people who pry; I will always back off when asked and I have a shorter patience for people prying into me--because honestly, it's usually nothing special to be worth your time, I can be boring, I don't need you to tell me; but sometimes I will tell you anyway--reverse psychology, and if anything, maybe you'll accrue better respect for me
In-Between Points
-I'm not the best at keeping secrets for the longest possible times, especially if it involves despicable behavior on your part and you ask me not to tell anyone; but, I won't make a big scene of it, it'd probably get dropped in a casual tone when it's easy to miss anyway--as they say, the guilt is far worse than anything so is it really fair for me to hide your crimes? I think not; you'll only mature after you accept where you went wrong
-Sometimes I can be more of the defiant/quiet-type; especially if you don't show an adequate level of respect towards me; particularly if you repeat things you've already said; allow me to be perfectly frank--I ALWAYS HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME; now... in the event that I don't get something, then I will kindly admit so and then you may repeat the same statement; but also, sometimes I just really can't get behind certain things, like sports usually; but if you casually bring it up and ask my opinion on it, then I will say whatever I can and freely listen to you rant... if it means that much to you, I can be happy to hear you rattle on about it, because you're happy talking about it, make sense?
-I like the concept of sex because I view it as a means to express your passions and true feelings for others; so feel free to talk about it anytime, I want you to feel comfortable that you can do so, it's a true way of knowing you feel that at ease around me; and me, I will probably hit on you (particularly the men) now and then to some degree, but if you don't like it, say so and I certainly will respect your wishes; BUT! I am not a fan of cybersex, I have my reasons, if it's relevant when we're talking, I will tell you why
Well, that doesn't really cover everything, but I've been trucking at this entry for over 4 hours already. I hope eventually that, whoever reads this may feel able to comment on something. Agree or disagree, but it's not end-all be-all by any means; people change so in time I'll probably have more things to say or statements to amend. Well, I plan to be alive for much longer than the 22.5 years I've already endured so, who really knows what will happen now. (boyfriend... boyfriend... boyfriend... still really want one but it sucks living in a remote part of the northeast US *sigh*)
I hope you all have a wonderful winter holiday experience. Or at least a peaceful one; take care~.
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