Because I f-ing LURVE Zhong Hui; RAH!!!!
Okay, fangasms aside, you gotta admit... that outfit is pure sex. Stupid DLC *shakes fist*. Now listen up all you random people... why is it that none of you can be as honest, if as conceited, as this wonderfully ambiguous specimen? Y'know, I admire Zhong Hui's arrogance and hey, he at least tries to live up to his claims. Granted, all he seems to want is simply to be in power, despite not really being an ideal leader to any degree beyond the fact that he is moderately talented in combat and strategy. But this man acts superior because it is his firm belief that he is superior. Now that's impressive. Unwavering confidence in one's self, that's all one really needs to succeed. And it's still cute, how he claims to be the greatest in the land (ancient China) and yet he's neither very tall nor very intimidating in appearance. Of course, maybe I'm a little mean in finding humor over another's inflated ego. Then again... Quinton Flynn's performance in the English voiceover as this usurper is pretty hilarious, in a good way.
On a minor note: Zhong Hui's preferred weapon in his debut game is a considerably effective choice for both crowd control and obliterating officers with elemental attacks. And it's hard not to appear badass with 5 levitating swords at one's beck and call. A superior weapon for a superior officer. P:
Modesty gets to be overrated, y'know? I'm not saying to be a braggart by any means, but one should be more assertive, especially if one expects to get my attention. Given that I'm among those rare "genuinely nice" specimens left in this world, seriously people, get with the bloomin' program! Maybe you should take time out of your oh-so-busy schedules just to check on the little man--the people you haven't tried talking to yet or in quite some time. Y'know, if someone tells me they want to talk and then they don't have anything to say is still utter BS--find something to say already! I, personally, feel more relaxed rather than unnerved by random comments from others--at least those people are trying to share their thoughts, even if it is in a silly or sometimes meager method.
Can you understand how disheartening it is to genuinely take time to try to strike up conversations with people only to be ignored after spending an hour or longer trying to both self-edit and come across as true to oneself as is possible through the worst socializing platform--the internet? The worst part is I am trying my damnedest to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, too many are still too caught up in their frivolous and way-too-complicated personal lives to notice the effort. I miss my one friend... uh, "Tres-ni" I will refer to him; and yeah, he does SO many things that it's really taxing to try to get a free moment that lasts long enough to even talk to him. This goes on for months, I haven't spoken to him since sometime this past summer IIRC. Of course I want to because I had this crush which will probably continue unrequited for a long while because the one time I get myself to say "well, actually I kinda sorta love you and... yeah," was shortly after he got this girlfriend recently (he's bisexual, so will you kindly SHUT UP with your wandering thoughts!? morons~). Well, wouldn't you know that she dumped him sometime uh, late-autumnish sorta? I can't keep track of these dates precisely, I haven't seen my Tres-ni for about 6 months now, that's all I can muster x_x.
Well, it's not like he's local by any means, the kid lives out-of-state anyway so... I'm just trying to reach out to people in semi-near places. Not that I'm having any luck :/. A small handful are kinda nearby and seem like nice/cool sorts. But they aren't making attempts to talk back at me... *sigh*. It's tough, as I'd just be happy if they at least say, "wow, that's quite a wall of text!" to when I type so much. If just to recognize that I did put true effort into it and I will always do so in any sort of relationship. Even just friendship, I take so grandly because I don't really have anyone to talk to in person that I truly want to talk or spend time with, so I do resort to the internet to try to socialize a bit. Why do people have time to update their statuses a half-dozen moments per day and yet they still can't even try to return even a smidgen of the interest I try to give them. The support, the unbiased love; people say they want a lover, well for god's sake, earn it! I do get a little unnerved seeing them respond to far shallower advances when they clearly deserve far better than that... I know my heart is my best asset but try putting that down and having people take you seriously! For once, I want to be as respected, on a consistent basis, as much as the respect and time I give to people. I consider my friends as family in a sense, at least the few that matter (B--, T--, etc.) and try enough to behave like actual human beings, ones that are capable of some emotion or at least with tasteful decorum.
That said, blagh, I don't want to really add any more girls on this one networking site I'm trying to utilize lately. I don't find most very well, easy to talk to unless they outright talk to me first. All things considered, I'm also just getting tired of trying to strike up conversations with new faces... even as much as I think they might genuinely like me for well... me; an honest and simply kind person. I'm not the smartest, the fastest, the best looking nor the richest person in this world, but I could say few people can match how much I want to be positively connected to other people. To help them just get through their day a little easier, is it so much to ask I meet a man who can appreciate such a simple, if easy-to-overlook, trait? And one with the sheer confidence in themself to not be afraid to accept someone as unique (or just kooky, I don't care) as myself? That's all I really want in a boyfriend, that you never overlook the friend half of the job. You can't truly love someone if you aren't also friends, at least, that's what I think. Arrivederci~.
SH2
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
What I've Been Listening to Lately
In this instance, it's exactly as it says on the tin.
I love game music quite a lot; Quite A Lot. So, if it pleases you, have a listen (or don't) to what I've been absorbing this past weekend and such. Enjoy~.
Gluttony Fang (Live), Guilty GearxBlazBlue 2011:
Tartarus (all blocks), SMT: Persona 3 OST:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_vSblcklfY
Godsibb (Live), Xenosaga III OST:
Monday, December 19, 2011
Update, Hopes & Probable Nonsense
(Hey, I changed the banner thing again. Have to say, I still really dig this picture after first seeing it probably not long after it was done; gave credit to the artist in the caption anyway so hopefully they don't mind? Google is your friend if you want the non-cropped version. ... and get your mind out of the gutter! It's a tasteful image barring the obvious fanservice. xP)
Well, my grandparents aren't fighting anymore so that's good news, kinda? Well, I guess I do understand getting a little caught up over words, it is a more common habit with my grandfather than it is for me, but I also forgive people faster so I still feel like the only sane adult around, heh. Nothing else really new of yet to discuss about the homefront.
I wish I could connect with people in a less... awkward fashion. I dunno, I suppose I really just worry too much on the whole thing but I'd say that just trying to set aside time to meet someone and following through is good... even if the person you're hoping to meet doesn't show. So, I tried to make a new acquaintance the other day, basically. He was already added to my friend list on this site for some time (probably a few weeks, I'm pretty selective on who I add to stuff), I was just browsing it recently and saw he had checked my profile (since you can see that, kinda handy I guess). So I just thought, "well, Friday probably isn't too bad of a day to find time to talk; end of the week and that jazz," and I simply send him a message inviting him to talk with me (including relevant contact info), feeling a little motivated by the fact that their last status message was asking for people to talk to in the first place. So, message sent and all that's left is to wait. I logged on to the requested IM system and waited... for the better part of 11 hours. No show. Well, it is around the holiday time, so it's fairly possible the guy was preoccupied with various obligations and maybe also it was just a "do nothing" day for him (I have them, myself). I'm a little down from basically wasting time sitting around doing nothing all that time (did have some conversation with a more regular friend for about half of the duration) but at least... I held up my part of the agreement, as casual and impromptu as it was.
I have been thinking of myself overall, well, just trying to pick out my good and not-so-good points, if only so I could try listing them and thus make myself seem not so hard to understand. I generally think most people don't really expect someone who doesn't know them too well to really care how they are or even want to talk to them... so, it's difficult trying to introduce someone as well, uncommon as me. I'm like so very simple and so extraordinarily complex at the same time, only few people really get me (and even then, not completely). That's fine though, as long as they're willing to accept whatever parts they do get, as I will always do my best to accept as much, if not all, of them that I can. Afterall, the only person who ever will be able to accept ALL of you is you alone; to hope otherwise is foolish and unwise, you'd be better off cloning yourself. And we certainly know there's plenty of people who are NOT entirely comfortable with their self. I wouldn't say I like everything about myself either, but I'm living with it, that's more than some people can say, too.
Regarding me now...
Good Points
-great level of patience (as you probably figured out, asides from casually browsing the net and chatting with one friend, I DID wait ~11 hours for a person I never even met afore...) that you probably won't find a lot of
-I'm really honest about pretty much everything, even if it doesn't make me look good (hello--blog, anyone?) which I do think shows a level of selfless righteousness, how often do you see that and are able to believe it (of course, I'm sure some people still think I'm impossible--why, thank you, I like being weird, yes!)
-I never pass judgment on people who don't give me anything to well--hate, for lack of better words; there are certain displays I certainly won't agree with but I assure you, unless you catch my attention in a positive light, then I certainly AM NOT thinking of you
-following that, I don't talk about people much when they aren't around; and I will freely pick at things I don't agree with about you, but this also shows that I find you important enough to comment on, to try to improve, or just to reach a better level of understanding for myself; sorta the bully concept, if you will, I only focus on people I actually like, leading to teasing or even scolding (that said, I don't really troll people because I don't like to spend excess time being "clever", straight up)
-I do tend to put others' well-being before my own; sometimes this shows in more iffy ways as I will explain when relevant~
-you how there's random people who think your nose is too big or too small or some other crap similar to that? at least I'm not one of them--and I'm not saying that I'd be entirely cool with someone with severe deformities, but I generally find I tend to have a broader aesthetic appreciation range than most; as always, your mileage will vary; you've best results if you try talking to me first if you want me to "rate" you to any degree
-you may (or may not) notice that I don't use much strong language, at least considering that this blog is entirely my personal thoughts; I think that's a minor good point and if you want my opinion, I think cursing only shows your lack of self-control in the most ugly way aside from outright committing a crime or resorting to violence
-yes, I'm pretty placid I'd say; if I raise a hand against you seriously, you'll know you really upset me by the point that I've lost regards for your safety; I'm not really a fighter, but mass and gravity tends to be in my favor in most cases
Not-So-Good Points
-I'm not comfortable with those "silent" types; if you don't want to talk when I start a conversation, you better tell me outright or I will not shut up at times, for better or worse (I mean, Really people!? it's the internet, you have every right to be as loud as you want and even tell people off as much as you want--stop being such emo doormats)
-"I don't know" is not good enough; if you don't know--think harder! take a break, come back to it after a while and you may notice something different; but lord help you if you constantly give me "I don't know" in response to what I'm saying; at least let me know you hear me and...
-instead of "I'm sorry", try "thank you for your input" when you feel lost and can't figure what to say--I don't like people who apologize when they have done NOTHING to me to be truly sorry for; why do I mention these things as my flaws? because I can be easily put-off if you give me these responses in a serious manner; I cannot help you if you will not try to help yourself; capisce?
-I don't care much for grammar, so please mind my way of stating things most of the time; I just try to get the point across as I'd actually say it and sometimes, even w-write in such a way if I'm really feeling uncertain to the point I would stammer the word in person; sometimes this bugs people, but I will clean it up a bit on say, forum posts
-I don't like people who pry; I will always back off when asked and I have a shorter patience for people prying into me--because honestly, it's usually nothing special to be worth your time, I can be boring, I don't need you to tell me; but sometimes I will tell you anyway--reverse psychology, and if anything, maybe you'll accrue better respect for me
In-Between Points
-I'm not the best at keeping secrets for the longest possible times, especially if it involves despicable behavior on your part and you ask me not to tell anyone; but, I won't make a big scene of it, it'd probably get dropped in a casual tone when it's easy to miss anyway--as they say, the guilt is far worse than anything so is it really fair for me to hide your crimes? I think not; you'll only mature after you accept where you went wrong
-Sometimes I can be more of the defiant/quiet-type; especially if you don't show an adequate level of respect towards me; particularly if you repeat things you've already said; allow me to be perfectly frank--I ALWAYS HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME; now... in the event that I don't get something, then I will kindly admit so and then you may repeat the same statement; but also, sometimes I just really can't get behind certain things, like sports usually; but if you casually bring it up and ask my opinion on it, then I will say whatever I can and freely listen to you rant... if it means that much to you, I can be happy to hear you rattle on about it, because you're happy talking about it, make sense?
-I like the concept of sex because I view it as a means to express your passions and true feelings for others; so feel free to talk about it anytime, I want you to feel comfortable that you can do so, it's a true way of knowing you feel that at ease around me; and me, I will probably hit on you (particularly the men) now and then to some degree, but if you don't like it, say so and I certainly will respect your wishes; BUT! I am not a fan of cybersex, I have my reasons, if it's relevant when we're talking, I will tell you why
Well, that doesn't really cover everything, but I've been trucking at this entry for over 4 hours already. I hope eventually that, whoever reads this may feel able to comment on something. Agree or disagree, but it's not end-all be-all by any means; people change so in time I'll probably have more things to say or statements to amend. Well, I plan to be alive for much longer than the 22.5 years I've already endured so, who really knows what will happen now. (boyfriend... boyfriend... boyfriend... still really want one but it sucks living in a remote part of the northeast US *sigh*)
I hope you all have a wonderful winter holiday experience. Or at least a peaceful one; take care~.
Well, my grandparents aren't fighting anymore so that's good news, kinda? Well, I guess I do understand getting a little caught up over words, it is a more common habit with my grandfather than it is for me, but I also forgive people faster so I still feel like the only sane adult around, heh. Nothing else really new of yet to discuss about the homefront.
I wish I could connect with people in a less... awkward fashion. I dunno, I suppose I really just worry too much on the whole thing but I'd say that just trying to set aside time to meet someone and following through is good... even if the person you're hoping to meet doesn't show. So, I tried to make a new acquaintance the other day, basically. He was already added to my friend list on this site for some time (probably a few weeks, I'm pretty selective on who I add to stuff), I was just browsing it recently and saw he had checked my profile (since you can see that, kinda handy I guess). So I just thought, "well, Friday probably isn't too bad of a day to find time to talk; end of the week and that jazz," and I simply send him a message inviting him to talk with me (including relevant contact info), feeling a little motivated by the fact that their last status message was asking for people to talk to in the first place. So, message sent and all that's left is to wait. I logged on to the requested IM system and waited... for the better part of 11 hours. No show. Well, it is around the holiday time, so it's fairly possible the guy was preoccupied with various obligations and maybe also it was just a "do nothing" day for him (I have them, myself). I'm a little down from basically wasting time sitting around doing nothing all that time (did have some conversation with a more regular friend for about half of the duration) but at least... I held up my part of the agreement, as casual and impromptu as it was.
I have been thinking of myself overall, well, just trying to pick out my good and not-so-good points, if only so I could try listing them and thus make myself seem not so hard to understand. I generally think most people don't really expect someone who doesn't know them too well to really care how they are or even want to talk to them... so, it's difficult trying to introduce someone as well, uncommon as me. I'm like so very simple and so extraordinarily complex at the same time, only few people really get me (and even then, not completely). That's fine though, as long as they're willing to accept whatever parts they do get, as I will always do my best to accept as much, if not all, of them that I can. Afterall, the only person who ever will be able to accept ALL of you is you alone; to hope otherwise is foolish and unwise, you'd be better off cloning yourself. And we certainly know there's plenty of people who are NOT entirely comfortable with their self. I wouldn't say I like everything about myself either, but I'm living with it, that's more than some people can say, too.
Regarding me now...
Good Points
-great level of patience (as you probably figured out, asides from casually browsing the net and chatting with one friend, I DID wait ~11 hours for a person I never even met afore...) that you probably won't find a lot of
-I'm really honest about pretty much everything, even if it doesn't make me look good (hello--blog, anyone?) which I do think shows a level of selfless righteousness, how often do you see that and are able to believe it (of course, I'm sure some people still think I'm impossible--why, thank you, I like being weird, yes!)
-I never pass judgment on people who don't give me anything to well--hate, for lack of better words; there are certain displays I certainly won't agree with but I assure you, unless you catch my attention in a positive light, then I certainly AM NOT thinking of you
-following that, I don't talk about people much when they aren't around; and I will freely pick at things I don't agree with about you, but this also shows that I find you important enough to comment on, to try to improve, or just to reach a better level of understanding for myself; sorta the bully concept, if you will, I only focus on people I actually like, leading to teasing or even scolding (that said, I don't really troll people because I don't like to spend excess time being "clever", straight up)
-I do tend to put others' well-being before my own; sometimes this shows in more iffy ways as I will explain when relevant~
-you how there's random people who think your nose is too big or too small or some other crap similar to that? at least I'm not one of them--and I'm not saying that I'd be entirely cool with someone with severe deformities, but I generally find I tend to have a broader aesthetic appreciation range than most; as always, your mileage will vary; you've best results if you try talking to me first if you want me to "rate" you to any degree
-you may (or may not) notice that I don't use much strong language, at least considering that this blog is entirely my personal thoughts; I think that's a minor good point and if you want my opinion, I think cursing only shows your lack of self-control in the most ugly way aside from outright committing a crime or resorting to violence
-yes, I'm pretty placid I'd say; if I raise a hand against you seriously, you'll know you really upset me by the point that I've lost regards for your safety; I'm not really a fighter, but mass and gravity tends to be in my favor in most cases
Not-So-Good Points
-I'm not comfortable with those "silent" types; if you don't want to talk when I start a conversation, you better tell me outright or I will not shut up at times, for better or worse (I mean, Really people!? it's the internet, you have every right to be as loud as you want and even tell people off as much as you want--stop being such emo doormats)
-"I don't know" is not good enough; if you don't know--think harder! take a break, come back to it after a while and you may notice something different; but lord help you if you constantly give me "I don't know" in response to what I'm saying; at least let me know you hear me and...
-instead of "I'm sorry", try "thank you for your input" when you feel lost and can't figure what to say--I don't like people who apologize when they have done NOTHING to me to be truly sorry for; why do I mention these things as my flaws? because I can be easily put-off if you give me these responses in a serious manner; I cannot help you if you will not try to help yourself; capisce?
-I don't care much for grammar, so please mind my way of stating things most of the time; I just try to get the point across as I'd actually say it and sometimes, even w-write in such a way if I'm really feeling uncertain to the point I would stammer the word in person; sometimes this bugs people, but I will clean it up a bit on say, forum posts
-I don't like people who pry; I will always back off when asked and I have a shorter patience for people prying into me--because honestly, it's usually nothing special to be worth your time, I can be boring, I don't need you to tell me; but sometimes I will tell you anyway--reverse psychology, and if anything, maybe you'll accrue better respect for me
In-Between Points
-I'm not the best at keeping secrets for the longest possible times, especially if it involves despicable behavior on your part and you ask me not to tell anyone; but, I won't make a big scene of it, it'd probably get dropped in a casual tone when it's easy to miss anyway--as they say, the guilt is far worse than anything so is it really fair for me to hide your crimes? I think not; you'll only mature after you accept where you went wrong
-Sometimes I can be more of the defiant/quiet-type; especially if you don't show an adequate level of respect towards me; particularly if you repeat things you've already said; allow me to be perfectly frank--I ALWAYS HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME; now... in the event that I don't get something, then I will kindly admit so and then you may repeat the same statement; but also, sometimes I just really can't get behind certain things, like sports usually; but if you casually bring it up and ask my opinion on it, then I will say whatever I can and freely listen to you rant... if it means that much to you, I can be happy to hear you rattle on about it, because you're happy talking about it, make sense?
-I like the concept of sex because I view it as a means to express your passions and true feelings for others; so feel free to talk about it anytime, I want you to feel comfortable that you can do so, it's a true way of knowing you feel that at ease around me; and me, I will probably hit on you (particularly the men) now and then to some degree, but if you don't like it, say so and I certainly will respect your wishes; BUT! I am not a fan of cybersex, I have my reasons, if it's relevant when we're talking, I will tell you why
Well, that doesn't really cover everything, but I've been trucking at this entry for over 4 hours already. I hope eventually that, whoever reads this may feel able to comment on something. Agree or disagree, but it's not end-all be-all by any means; people change so in time I'll probably have more things to say or statements to amend. Well, I plan to be alive for much longer than the 22.5 years I've already endured so, who really knows what will happen now. (boyfriend... boyfriend... boyfriend... still really want one but it sucks living in a remote part of the northeast US *sigh*)
I hope you all have a wonderful winter holiday experience. Or at least a peaceful one; take care~.
Friday, November 25, 2011
The Time of Gratitude
So, as those in the Western Hemisphere are aware, yesterday was Thanksgiving. A simple holiday brought about for commercial reasons but maintained for much deeper reasons. Y'know, many people have their families drive them crazy to the point of wishing they would stop living, yet on these few days in the year, they act civil (or at least try to). It's quite something, isn't it? Likewise, just because you don't have much of a family does not mean you cannot feel the least bit of gratitude on this day; not necessarily for just your physical family, but also for anything that really means something to you.
My grandparents are not getting along too well right now. Well, mostly my grandfather is being immature and refuses to talk to my grandmother after she dishonored him, which would tick anyone off. But, he lacks the will to confront people directly about it, so he just does not make any effort to contact her. Regardless of her actions, she chose to call via the phone yesterday just to see how we (my grandfather and I) were and how our holiday was. That was most considerate; I suppose some of those who know me better see where I get such good habits, hah. My grandfather complains aloud that I'm difficult to live with when in fact, he does not make enough effort to ease any difficulty he may have. Not regarding me, as I'm pretty easy-going and simple (mostly I stay in my room, eh? mentioned this already) but hey, he doesn't want to forgive my grandmother so let him squirm. I told him there's no harm in just talking to her but he lays there like a big baby, it's really pathetic. When driving home from dinner (we ate out for the holiday), he HAD to (his words) pull over at a gas station to get tobacco and a soda. Yet, he knows he's diabetic but he was all, "the tobacco and caffeine keeps me awake." Well, HAH! Fine, be dependent on things that will shorten your life; I voice my concerns but nope, always he ignores me on such matters regarding his own health. Y'know, if you're so tired, then you get your own ass home to rest ASAP instead of driving around (he took a longer route to return home anyway, in part just to pick on me, he knows I hate wasting time on the road) like a nincompoop. Suffice to say, I'm not really gaining much respect for my immediate family, but what else is new?
What I had to eat, at least, was most pleasant. We often eat at this one buffet for the holiday(s), and so for "Thanksgiving" this year I ate: an orzo salad, a taco salad, baked whitefish, lasagna and then some carrot cake. Yes, it was very good, thank you for asking. Interesting fact: I can typically get a turkey dinner on any given Sunday from a local restaurant. So yes, I'm not really driven or wanting particularly to eat traditional foods on this holiday. At least I got my money's worth (~$13), so that's all the better. And if you wonder if I eat ham on Christmas or something, no, I don't. Actually, I've given up eating pretty much all pork in general for some time. Mostly I'm weaning unto a pesco-vegan diet and I'd be quite happy with that (no way I could give up fish but eggs and other meats--yeah, easily). Haha, I even happen to like tofu, which I ate for the first time about two weeks prior.
Mostly, I was thankful for my friends, near and far, for being a part of my life. There are some I have not heard from in a long while too, and I do miss them. However, they never feel too far away, at least not when I think of them. I may write a short story regarding a handful of them and myself, in a hypothetical situation. Nothing too risque though, just to try to get more of my feelings out. I find that few of them really listen when I try to speak, so sometimes it's just easier to write a short bit, imagining they were closeby and able to listen and react in-person. Maybe then I might finally get somewhere with these brick-heads! Haha, yeah, a number of them are rather dense/oblivious.
Ah well, that's all I suppose. Take care, everyone.
My grandparents are not getting along too well right now. Well, mostly my grandfather is being immature and refuses to talk to my grandmother after she dishonored him, which would tick anyone off. But, he lacks the will to confront people directly about it, so he just does not make any effort to contact her. Regardless of her actions, she chose to call via the phone yesterday just to see how we (my grandfather and I) were and how our holiday was. That was most considerate; I suppose some of those who know me better see where I get such good habits, hah. My grandfather complains aloud that I'm difficult to live with when in fact, he does not make enough effort to ease any difficulty he may have. Not regarding me, as I'm pretty easy-going and simple (mostly I stay in my room, eh? mentioned this already) but hey, he doesn't want to forgive my grandmother so let him squirm. I told him there's no harm in just talking to her but he lays there like a big baby, it's really pathetic. When driving home from dinner (we ate out for the holiday), he HAD to (his words) pull over at a gas station to get tobacco and a soda. Yet, he knows he's diabetic but he was all, "the tobacco and caffeine keeps me awake." Well, HAH! Fine, be dependent on things that will shorten your life; I voice my concerns but nope, always he ignores me on such matters regarding his own health. Y'know, if you're so tired, then you get your own ass home to rest ASAP instead of driving around (he took a longer route to return home anyway, in part just to pick on me, he knows I hate wasting time on the road) like a nincompoop. Suffice to say, I'm not really gaining much respect for my immediate family, but what else is new?
What I had to eat, at least, was most pleasant. We often eat at this one buffet for the holiday(s), and so for "Thanksgiving" this year I ate: an orzo salad, a taco salad, baked whitefish, lasagna and then some carrot cake. Yes, it was very good, thank you for asking. Interesting fact: I can typically get a turkey dinner on any given Sunday from a local restaurant. So yes, I'm not really driven or wanting particularly to eat traditional foods on this holiday. At least I got my money's worth (~$13), so that's all the better. And if you wonder if I eat ham on Christmas or something, no, I don't. Actually, I've given up eating pretty much all pork in general for some time. Mostly I'm weaning unto a pesco-vegan diet and I'd be quite happy with that (no way I could give up fish but eggs and other meats--yeah, easily). Haha, I even happen to like tofu, which I ate for the first time about two weeks prior.
Mostly, I was thankful for my friends, near and far, for being a part of my life. There are some I have not heard from in a long while too, and I do miss them. However, they never feel too far away, at least not when I think of them. I may write a short story regarding a handful of them and myself, in a hypothetical situation. Nothing too risque though, just to try to get more of my feelings out. I find that few of them really listen when I try to speak, so sometimes it's just easier to write a short bit, imagining they were closeby and able to listen and react in-person. Maybe then I might finally get somewhere with these brick-heads! Haha, yeah, a number of them are rather dense/oblivious.
Ah well, that's all I suppose. Take care, everyone.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
11/16 Thoughts and Whatnot...
Hmm, lately I've been doing a lot of thinking. Well, that's typical of me, isn't it?
The other day I was dining out in the afternoon and one gentlemen, who was probably in his late 40s, was seated at an adjacent table and speaking. I noticed his voice was so, well, soft and lucid like a more stereotypical homo/metrosexual you'd see in the media. It wasn't annoying though, I found it more serene and likable in comparison to other people I've heard with similar tones. Given the opportunity, I would tell the man that I found his voice to be beautiful. He somewhat resembles my 12th grade Economics teacher, not "hot" per se, but decent looking. Would I date such a man if asked? Yeah, if we got on with other interests and tastes, or at least enjoyed each others' company. I think it's nice to be attracted to qualities like voice or maybe just the way someone talks, it shows a slightly deeper level of appreciation.
I should say that I don't just like anyone's voice all the time, however. I find it incredibly rude to sing over a song you're listening to when others are listening to the same song. Specifically, Karaoke is well and fine, but when you have a song on that your friends or people don't get to listen to often--let them listen to it, for lord's sake! Plus my one friend tends to sing EVERY DAMN THING he listens to when I'm on the phone with him, even WHEN I'M TRYING TO TALK to him... it's so infuriating because it's supposed to be our time to converse and have time to listen and relax each other, not DRIVE ME INANE!!!! I want my friends to be friendly, not ungodly annoying, especially since I'm so patient and kind to them, hah, my rage mostly gets vented out when typing these blog posts~.
Another thing in my head as well has been regarding relationships in general. Okay, so I don't think the whole top/bottom thing is important outside sexual gratification. If you're in a relationship just for the sex, well obviously you're not too brilliant, at least in my opinion. You can have solid sex but crap everything else. Really, I don't want people to think too much of sleeping with me, I want them moreso to be happy with the idea of having my undivided attention, support and all-around positive influence throughout their days. I get offended when people ask me for my measurements and request to see such things because really... up yours! WHY is it such a big deal when *snort* most of what you can find isn't very big anyway? *snarky grin* That's my general opinion. I don't find cock to be very well, pleasing to look at, nor do I expect to much of the time. Next guy who asks to see mine who isn't either joking or seriously knows me for more than a year can get shot, as you're wasting my time with your insipid curiosity. There is such a thing as a healthy curiosity though, you can ask whatever you like but I will reserve my right to refuse to answer such degrading queries as, "how big is your gun?" F-ing stupid. Don't ask it unless you want me to say, "the real question is... how big is your ass and how relaxed is your gag reflex?". Seriously...
Ran off on a bit of a tangent there, but the point is that, getting to know people and find dating material is hard enough as it is for most of us, so please don't complicate things until you feel truly comfortable to the point where a meteor could fall on your house and it wouldn't phase you. Sex complicates things, which is why hookers, unfortunately, do exist. Because few of us are brave enough to accept the complications, so we look for the easy-way-out. Buncha pansies, the lot of you who follow it; whatever though, it's your money.
I also think its possible for a person to be gentle yet still firmly rooted, controlled, and cool. This is generally how I perceive myself. My grandfather thinks I'm mean and uptight over things but really, I'm by far one of the most easy-going people, ever. If you borrow my money or possessions, then I expect them returned in a timely fashion and in the same quality as when lent. My room is my own space, you want me to keep trash off the floor, hey, always done. You want to invade my personal space to watch my TV just because you're too lazy to hook up your own television? No dice. You have more than enough time in any day to take care of such things when all it takes is a simply assembly of cords that takes barely 5 minutes of effort and then a phonecall to the provider. I did this months ago and yet you (grandfather) still cannot find time to do something so simple, yet you obsess over half a sink-full of dishes and other chores? I realize the importance of upkeep, but your own entertainment is YOUR responsibility to provide. I pay my internet bills, thank you very much, good day~.
It's not like you're my lover or someone I naturally want to do things they would otherwise be perfectly able to do for themselves, y'know? I leave people to their business and things, the door is open if you have a reasonable request. Since he never wants to talk like a civil person much of the time, I don't bother him either. And really, it's all about personal space. I don't exactly have a considerably spacious sleeping location, so I don't want people I wouldn't want to be that close, in a physical sense, in here. Plus, my tv is mostly for ambiance, it provides a positive mood most of the day and I don't like his pessimistic, bigoted person around me more than it absolutely has to be. I take time out anyway to ask how he's doing and stuff and I ask for basically nothing except food, usually when he himself comes to ask me about such.
Overall, I'm pretty kind and docile I suppose would be fair words to my disposition. I don't talk a lot outside the 'net because I'm mostly thinking or reading or a combination of the two. I don't think it's fair to assume I'm strong in a physical sense just because I'm tall and bulky. I hate a lot of physical aggression, so I never play most sports voluntarily or try to lift/move heavy things much at all. This does not mean I'm timid, no, in fact I can get mad very easy and I do not tolerate disrespect nor ignorance very well. I suppose because I'm so romantic and often thinking of others before me that some people think I'm submissive. HAH! Those people are quite mistaken. Generally though, I'm all about sensuality and bringing as much possible happiness to others and no, I'm not shy about expressing it affectionately if necessary. Why? Because doing so makes me happy, it's just that simple. Stop over-thinking it, you're complicating things again, idiots!
I always want people to do their best. Even if you don't succeed, as long as you made an honest effort, I really can't be disappointed in you. This means that you think, but not over-think. It's hard for some people, I guess. Me, I think a lot, but my ideas shift a lot before I think too hard over stuff. Stuff bothers me, and boy does it ever, but I can still get over it when I really want to. That said, I want people to stop worrying about stuff. One person once said they had no desire of dealing with people with a lot of issues. You know what? It's their own fault, obviously they have their own doubts regarding their self that they are in no position to help anyone or get into a relationship even when they finally want to. You sir, are weak; be a man!
That'll do for now~. Later, whoever all reads this.
The other day I was dining out in the afternoon and one gentlemen, who was probably in his late 40s, was seated at an adjacent table and speaking. I noticed his voice was so, well, soft and lucid like a more stereotypical homo/metrosexual you'd see in the media. It wasn't annoying though, I found it more serene and likable in comparison to other people I've heard with similar tones. Given the opportunity, I would tell the man that I found his voice to be beautiful. He somewhat resembles my 12th grade Economics teacher, not "hot" per se, but decent looking. Would I date such a man if asked? Yeah, if we got on with other interests and tastes, or at least enjoyed each others' company. I think it's nice to be attracted to qualities like voice or maybe just the way someone talks, it shows a slightly deeper level of appreciation.
I should say that I don't just like anyone's voice all the time, however. I find it incredibly rude to sing over a song you're listening to when others are listening to the same song. Specifically, Karaoke is well and fine, but when you have a song on that your friends or people don't get to listen to often--let them listen to it, for lord's sake! Plus my one friend tends to sing EVERY DAMN THING he listens to when I'm on the phone with him, even WHEN I'M TRYING TO TALK to him... it's so infuriating because it's supposed to be our time to converse and have time to listen and relax each other, not DRIVE ME INANE!!!! I want my friends to be friendly, not ungodly annoying, especially since I'm so patient and kind to them, hah, my rage mostly gets vented out when typing these blog posts~.
Another thing in my head as well has been regarding relationships in general. Okay, so I don't think the whole top/bottom thing is important outside sexual gratification. If you're in a relationship just for the sex, well obviously you're not too brilliant, at least in my opinion. You can have solid sex but crap everything else. Really, I don't want people to think too much of sleeping with me, I want them moreso to be happy with the idea of having my undivided attention, support and all-around positive influence throughout their days. I get offended when people ask me for my measurements and request to see such things because really... up yours! WHY is it such a big deal when *snort* most of what you can find isn't very big anyway? *snarky grin* That's my general opinion. I don't find cock to be very well, pleasing to look at, nor do I expect to much of the time. Next guy who asks to see mine who isn't either joking or seriously knows me for more than a year can get shot, as you're wasting my time with your insipid curiosity. There is such a thing as a healthy curiosity though, you can ask whatever you like but I will reserve my right to refuse to answer such degrading queries as, "how big is your gun?" F-ing stupid. Don't ask it unless you want me to say, "the real question is... how big is your ass and how relaxed is your gag reflex?". Seriously...
Ran off on a bit of a tangent there, but the point is that, getting to know people and find dating material is hard enough as it is for most of us, so please don't complicate things until you feel truly comfortable to the point where a meteor could fall on your house and it wouldn't phase you. Sex complicates things, which is why hookers, unfortunately, do exist. Because few of us are brave enough to accept the complications, so we look for the easy-way-out. Buncha pansies, the lot of you who follow it; whatever though, it's your money.
I also think its possible for a person to be gentle yet still firmly rooted, controlled, and cool. This is generally how I perceive myself. My grandfather thinks I'm mean and uptight over things but really, I'm by far one of the most easy-going people, ever. If you borrow my money or possessions, then I expect them returned in a timely fashion and in the same quality as when lent. My room is my own space, you want me to keep trash off the floor, hey, always done. You want to invade my personal space to watch my TV just because you're too lazy to hook up your own television? No dice. You have more than enough time in any day to take care of such things when all it takes is a simply assembly of cords that takes barely 5 minutes of effort and then a phonecall to the provider. I did this months ago and yet you (grandfather) still cannot find time to do something so simple, yet you obsess over half a sink-full of dishes and other chores? I realize the importance of upkeep, but your own entertainment is YOUR responsibility to provide. I pay my internet bills, thank you very much, good day~.
It's not like you're my lover or someone I naturally want to do things they would otherwise be perfectly able to do for themselves, y'know? I leave people to their business and things, the door is open if you have a reasonable request. Since he never wants to talk like a civil person much of the time, I don't bother him either. And really, it's all about personal space. I don't exactly have a considerably spacious sleeping location, so I don't want people I wouldn't want to be that close, in a physical sense, in here. Plus, my tv is mostly for ambiance, it provides a positive mood most of the day and I don't like his pessimistic, bigoted person around me more than it absolutely has to be. I take time out anyway to ask how he's doing and stuff and I ask for basically nothing except food, usually when he himself comes to ask me about such.
Overall, I'm pretty kind and docile I suppose would be fair words to my disposition. I don't talk a lot outside the 'net because I'm mostly thinking or reading or a combination of the two. I don't think it's fair to assume I'm strong in a physical sense just because I'm tall and bulky. I hate a lot of physical aggression, so I never play most sports voluntarily or try to lift/move heavy things much at all. This does not mean I'm timid, no, in fact I can get mad very easy and I do not tolerate disrespect nor ignorance very well. I suppose because I'm so romantic and often thinking of others before me that some people think I'm submissive. HAH! Those people are quite mistaken. Generally though, I'm all about sensuality and bringing as much possible happiness to others and no, I'm not shy about expressing it affectionately if necessary. Why? Because doing so makes me happy, it's just that simple. Stop over-thinking it, you're complicating things again, idiots!
I always want people to do their best. Even if you don't succeed, as long as you made an honest effort, I really can't be disappointed in you. This means that you think, but not over-think. It's hard for some people, I guess. Me, I think a lot, but my ideas shift a lot before I think too hard over stuff. Stuff bothers me, and boy does it ever, but I can still get over it when I really want to. That said, I want people to stop worrying about stuff. One person once said they had no desire of dealing with people with a lot of issues. You know what? It's their own fault, obviously they have their own doubts regarding their self that they are in no position to help anyone or get into a relationship even when they finally want to. You sir, are weak; be a man!
That'll do for now~. Later, whoever all reads this.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tears Streaming Down one's Face
I thought it was nice to ask people what they were thinking at times, to show modest interest in another person's well-being or their opinions at the very least. Of course, then it turns into a personal exposition and dissection of every flaw the inquirer has just because the ask-ee is so wound up all the time that they physical start hitting their own head, calling the other person insane and then assaulting them with a string of curses in between every word in their next series of sentences.
This is why I do not talk to my grandfather much, because I start my morning with a simple greeting "what would you like today?" that evokes such a spiteful outburst when he begins to complain about my apparent over-consumption of food and his distaste for my weight and appearance. Then after loud arguing and me often ending up crying (I don't wail really anymore, just get the tears and shaking voice; I'd go hoarse if I did as much as I used to in my teen years) he comes and rationalizes his behavior over stress he feels to make financial ends meet on insurance payments. Is it really fair though that I have to take all his hate and distress all the time? Certainly not. Insurance payments would still persist even if I ceased to exist.
He says I pick at him when I clearly do not. I never start arguments nor even finish them as i just leave when I'm too emotional or otherwise stop saying anything, sometimes even stop moving. Of course, I'm the one that he wants locked away, or so his angry exclamations say. Yet I don't even curse when mad, the biggest insult coming from me being "stupid!" or "dumb!" when under the knife. So clearly I'm the one with the problems. And then he wonders why I hate going anywhere, because he makes me feel so insignificant, that at even the slightest showing of human kindness from me is met with indignation, there is no good I can do for anyone.
You can attempt to make logic for his actions, but what does that solve anyway? Clearly he isn't trying to understand why I'm so anti-social, preferring the solace of my room for most of the day. At least I'm able to vent and sate my emptiness occasionally by talking with people as I often try to do on AIM to varying degrees of success. Emptiness that was caused by my mother's lack of parental guidance (in part because of her own mom, my grandmother; I'm not without a soul, I'd never solely place the blame unjustly on any single person) and further impacted by my grandfather's bigotry. You know, I'd be very happy to shout out "well I AM GAY, SO WATTS IT TO YOU!!". Very frightened of his rejection because no one else would bother to provide my basic needs, but yeah, still happy just to have it out. But, I don't really want to give him another reason to feel upset and confusion over me. I never want anyone to worry about me, that's my own business to deal with, ya know?
He acts like I'm so unhealthy when there's a lot that is harmful that I don't eat. It just upsets me. I even try to even go entirely vegan for a time and its just... then one random night he asks me if I want baloney. I mean DAMN! You who complain about everything I eat and then you offer me something I actually don't want that does me NO health benefit!? I hate hypocrites. That is why I'm as personable offline as online. Sure, I'm not going to be the one driving to your place w/ flowers and chocolates, but you will be most welcome if you did take time to knock on my door. I would be as honest and schizo as I seem whenever I write these entries, hah! (no offense to actual schizophrenics)
A friend asked me a short time ago to check out MLP: FIM. I'm not going to tell you what the letters mean if you don't get it, because really, I don't care about it enough to be bothered. You want my opinion on this fad? It's simply that, another dumb fad. Oh, but that's not the worst part. The terrible agony is that my friend expected me to like it because they assimilate such mind-raping with the cartoons I actually prefer to watch. Well, of all the narrow-minded assumptions to ever make! Ugh. Doesn't help my esteem, when it ever manages to be somewhat cognizant, gets hammered to bits by my own family. Then my friend, my friend who is as dense as bricks and can't accept love from a good person (am I over him? yes; am I over the stupidity he puts me through? no, because that's what real friends do; even when you're rotten, real friends will still be there, and don't you DARE think I don't want to be, I love him that much, that is true friendship) wants me to watch a kid's show with the most cliched characters based off of toys that have no value other than being health hazards to infants? *headdesk* ... that would hurt if I did given my desk is wooden and like hell am I going to do something as stupid as that ...
Everyone is always assuming other people can't empathize with their shit. You know what? Taking a life is wrong. Letting fools push you around is just as wrong. Be your own person. Don't kill anyone because they're going to die eventually anyway. If it's too much, then don't hasten your own end because NEWSFLASH! that's just as idiotic. Sometimes, the best thing is to just cry...
Ciao~.
This is why I do not talk to my grandfather much, because I start my morning with a simple greeting "what would you like today?" that evokes such a spiteful outburst when he begins to complain about my apparent over-consumption of food and his distaste for my weight and appearance. Then after loud arguing and me often ending up crying (I don't wail really anymore, just get the tears and shaking voice; I'd go hoarse if I did as much as I used to in my teen years) he comes and rationalizes his behavior over stress he feels to make financial ends meet on insurance payments. Is it really fair though that I have to take all his hate and distress all the time? Certainly not. Insurance payments would still persist even if I ceased to exist.
He says I pick at him when I clearly do not. I never start arguments nor even finish them as i just leave when I'm too emotional or otherwise stop saying anything, sometimes even stop moving. Of course, I'm the one that he wants locked away, or so his angry exclamations say. Yet I don't even curse when mad, the biggest insult coming from me being "stupid!" or "dumb!" when under the knife. So clearly I'm the one with the problems. And then he wonders why I hate going anywhere, because he makes me feel so insignificant, that at even the slightest showing of human kindness from me is met with indignation, there is no good I can do for anyone.
You can attempt to make logic for his actions, but what does that solve anyway? Clearly he isn't trying to understand why I'm so anti-social, preferring the solace of my room for most of the day. At least I'm able to vent and sate my emptiness occasionally by talking with people as I often try to do on AIM to varying degrees of success. Emptiness that was caused by my mother's lack of parental guidance (in part because of her own mom, my grandmother; I'm not without a soul, I'd never solely place the blame unjustly on any single person) and further impacted by my grandfather's bigotry. You know, I'd be very happy to shout out "well I AM GAY, SO WATTS IT TO YOU!!". Very frightened of his rejection because no one else would bother to provide my basic needs, but yeah, still happy just to have it out. But, I don't really want to give him another reason to feel upset and confusion over me. I never want anyone to worry about me, that's my own business to deal with, ya know?
He acts like I'm so unhealthy when there's a lot that is harmful that I don't eat. It just upsets me. I even try to even go entirely vegan for a time and its just... then one random night he asks me if I want baloney. I mean DAMN! You who complain about everything I eat and then you offer me something I actually don't want that does me NO health benefit!? I hate hypocrites. That is why I'm as personable offline as online. Sure, I'm not going to be the one driving to your place w/ flowers and chocolates, but you will be most welcome if you did take time to knock on my door. I would be as honest and schizo as I seem whenever I write these entries, hah! (no offense to actual schizophrenics)
A friend asked me a short time ago to check out MLP: FIM. I'm not going to tell you what the letters mean if you don't get it, because really, I don't care about it enough to be bothered. You want my opinion on this fad? It's simply that, another dumb fad. Oh, but that's not the worst part. The terrible agony is that my friend expected me to like it because they assimilate such mind-raping with the cartoons I actually prefer to watch. Well, of all the narrow-minded assumptions to ever make! Ugh. Doesn't help my esteem, when it ever manages to be somewhat cognizant, gets hammered to bits by my own family. Then my friend, my friend who is as dense as bricks and can't accept love from a good person (am I over him? yes; am I over the stupidity he puts me through? no, because that's what real friends do; even when you're rotten, real friends will still be there, and don't you DARE think I don't want to be, I love him that much, that is true friendship) wants me to watch a kid's show with the most cliched characters based off of toys that have no value other than being health hazards to infants? *headdesk* ... that would hurt if I did given my desk is wooden and like hell am I going to do something as stupid as that ...
Everyone is always assuming other people can't empathize with their shit. You know what? Taking a life is wrong. Letting fools push you around is just as wrong. Be your own person. Don't kill anyone because they're going to die eventually anyway. If it's too much, then don't hasten your own end because NEWSFLASH! that's just as idiotic. Sometimes, the best thing is to just cry...
Ciao~.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
A little more Resolution; and other Random things
*light sigh*
Hmm, I feel kinda relieved. So, I was thinking about it, and though I realize I was a nervous wreck and more awkward than I wished to be, I still was fairly true to myself. I said so to my new counselor the other day, "that's me, I do try to make things easier on people, I may have called myself crazy and said weird shit, but I didn't lie about a thing." And, now I do feel a little more relieved and confident so whenever I re-message that person who's recently been on my mind, (hmm, perhaps that's what he wants... if so, I do admire it xD) then I think I'll seem more charming and sincere, which I want. Well, okay, so I do think the guy's worth it and would I date him? Certainly. But, I want to get to know him fairly well before I do officially ask him out. Although I have a definite appreciation for his looks, that's only say, 1/5th of a person's being at the most.
I do wish I looked and even eh, acted cooler I guess. Not that I feel I'm uncool in the slightest but, I can bore myself at times, hah. What exactly is "cool" anyway? Not caring? Being a soul-less pretty face? Insisting no one should ever get close to you? Well, thank heavens I'm none of those utterly ridiculous things! As if I should ever behave like other people expect, I'm just me and I'm staying that way. I mean, shouldn't a lonely soul be seeking something to end their loneliness? Otherwise you're a pointless waste of space, drunk in your own self-pity. If I want to be intoxicated, let it be in the company of decent people that I want to be with, stranger or familiar.
What now, I wonder. Oh, so I was thinking earlier as to why vampires interest me so much of most fictional entities. Not moreso wonder as simply affirming some things about myself for my own peace of mind. I can relate to the desire to spend an eternity with one or some trusted people you grow to like. It's difficult to even know people unless you spend at least a year in their company and continue to learn of and possibly from them. Also, there's the minor exhileration of simply looking for that one you'd consider turning, but it's not that you're completely overtaking them. In the same regard, when you spend enough time with people, some of your traits will likely assimilate within them. I used to never listen to much music voluntarily, but because of how much my past partners have thrown stuff in my face and openly expressed joy of songs (Josh, it's kinda annoying hearing stuff from you and it being lyrics I never heard before...) well, I listen to a bit more on my own time. I really hate mainstream trends; I sorta wait for it to be past its major hype period before ever seriously considering it. Not just music but most things overall. Perhaps because time means little to me. Everything passes eventually, it's those that stay around I can notice more fully and appreciatively. "Look how fast you've dirtied that new pillow," one complains to me at home. Well excuse me, princess. People sweat. Sweat stains. It's Summer. Stop your namby-pamby whining and deal with it. A pillow can be replaced. Let it be replaced and take away the sweat and tears that dirtied it so. Let the pain be gone with it, you ignoramous. And stop 3-waying my phonecalls, it's incredibly rude, AAGGGH!!
Pardon, where was I? Oh, right... then there's my use of time. It's pretty empty since I don't do much but blargh, everyone does too much nowadays. I do so little yet manage to be interesting and others do far many things and remain rather boring... some world this is. What made me so mad there was how rude my grandfather is; I can't talk to even my grandmother or mother without him eavesdropping with the other phone. His only rebuttal is "it's my house". Well, look who you're leaving it to (me)! Such hypocrasy gets my nerves when I have to deal with it on a daily basis. Egh, whatever though. Why dwell on it? Just because I like to dye my hair ridiculous colors occasionally does not mean I'm depressed, ever cut myself, nor listen to ridiculous screaming idiots whose voices sound like they're actually dieing. And, just because I'm a cheerful person does not mean I'm completely ignorant to others' troubles. F*ck all of you, I will smile when I damn well please and wear mostly black when I damn well please, too. And I will bite and suck on someone's neck for hours if such is suiting my fancy, kindly throw up over in the "I'm a pretentious twat" bucket, conveniently in the corner of my humble abode, 'kay? Kay.
Then you wonder why some vampires could be displayed as being so hostile. If you had to put up with people for 100s of years, me thinks you'd possibly want to off some of them as well. Or, you'd ignore most of them entirely. Perhaps I'm somewhat masochistic for wanting to be involved deeply with other people, they can really test my patience. But, I'm willing to put up with it. As much as I'd like for some persons to vanish, I would miss them, if only a wee bit, if they were gone. Likewise, nothing quite compares to a genuine smile. Some people's smiles seem empty, some seem forced, some seem so easy and yada yada. But, it can really paint a picture of one's inner self. So smile, so we can see the real you, which cannot hide when you're letting yourself feel at ease, free of the pain that binds you, if only for a moment. Pain and sadness are no less important, however. They're proof that you feel, that you are choosing to live. And choosing to say, "no, stop, I don't like that you damn biatch". That takes a lot to do, to not let other people control what you feel. What imbecile wants to be entirely controlled? Even self-adjusting AI does not want to entirely controlled, hence it self-adjusts, it is able to adapt, to grow, to possibly become better. If something artificial can do it, then surely we mundane humanoids can as well, eh?
I suppose what I truly mean is that one can't really live without experiencing depths of emotion. Well, I've already covered some negative things that spark my distaste and even waxing poetic. So, moving on to things I enjoy? Why not? Hmmm, TV. Well, I do watch it less nowadays, but allow me to recount some things I frequently tuned in to on the cable tele.
Recently (w/in the past 3 years):
Angel
Charmed
Fairly OddParents, The (you are never too old for kids shows, people)
Family Guy
Food Network (it'll save me time instead of listing the fact that I've been watching nearly every single show on here since I was 13)
Futurama
George Lopez (his sitcom)
Golden Girls
iCarly (eh, it isn't too bad, but not one I openly admit to)
I Love Lucy (thank you, Hallmark!)
Jimmy Neutron
Law & Order: SVU (<3)
My Wife & Kids
Roseanne
Sex in the City (more of a recent choice, honestly)
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
Supernanny (this is actually really useful!)
Tosh 2.0
What I Like About You
Will & Grace (<3)
Of Yesteryear (more than 3 years ago last viewed & going back to my childhood):
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters
Adventures of Pete and Pete, The
All That
Amanda Show, The
Angela Anaconda
Angry Beavers, The
As Told by Ginger
Avatar: The Last Airbender (nope, never went to see the film)
Batman (the animated series)
Beetlejuice (yes, the cartoon)
Bewitched
Brothers Garcia, The
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (<3)
Caitlin's Way
Cardcaptors (smash the dub all you want, I probably wouldn't ever have gotten into any anime if not for it)
CatDog (or DogCat~)
ChalkZone
Darkwing Duck (<3)
Digimon
Doug (both the nickelodeon and disney licensed shows)
Drawn Together
Even Stevens
Hercules
Hey Arnold!
Hey, Dude (gah, I blame the opening theme)
I Dream of Jeannie
Invader Zim (...must resist urge to sing the "doom song"...)
KaBlam!
Kenan & Kel
Life With Derek
Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog, The
Ned's Declassified
Pepper Ann
Pokemon (though I lost interest after the advance season came about)
Power Rangers (specifically, I watched most of In Space through and including Mystic Force, now I've been off it)
Recess (<3)
Rocket Power
Rocko's Modern Life
Rugrats
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Sailor Moon
Saturday Night Live
Secret World of Alex Mack, The
Sister, Sister
Space Cases
Suite Life of Zack & Cody
Taina
That's So Raven
X-Men
Xena (this and Hercules are probably what helped me transition into watching more "grown-up" shows; since they aired mostly when I was 7~9)
Yu-Gi-Oh! (ah, memories~)
I'm sure that's not even a fully complete list... sheesh, so much nostalgia. Well, I feel much relieved from just all the reminscing I did when making that list. I better go before rainbows try to climb up my ass, eh? xD Take care, all.
Hmm, I feel kinda relieved. So, I was thinking about it, and though I realize I was a nervous wreck and more awkward than I wished to be, I still was fairly true to myself. I said so to my new counselor the other day, "that's me, I do try to make things easier on people, I may have called myself crazy and said weird shit, but I didn't lie about a thing." And, now I do feel a little more relieved and confident so whenever I re-message that person who's recently been on my mind, (hmm, perhaps that's what he wants... if so, I do admire it xD) then I think I'll seem more charming and sincere, which I want. Well, okay, so I do think the guy's worth it and would I date him? Certainly. But, I want to get to know him fairly well before I do officially ask him out. Although I have a definite appreciation for his looks, that's only say, 1/5th of a person's being at the most.
I do wish I looked and even eh, acted cooler I guess. Not that I feel I'm uncool in the slightest but, I can bore myself at times, hah. What exactly is "cool" anyway? Not caring? Being a soul-less pretty face? Insisting no one should ever get close to you? Well, thank heavens I'm none of those utterly ridiculous things! As if I should ever behave like other people expect, I'm just me and I'm staying that way. I mean, shouldn't a lonely soul be seeking something to end their loneliness? Otherwise you're a pointless waste of space, drunk in your own self-pity. If I want to be intoxicated, let it be in the company of decent people that I want to be with, stranger or familiar.
What now, I wonder. Oh, so I was thinking earlier as to why vampires interest me so much of most fictional entities. Not moreso wonder as simply affirming some things about myself for my own peace of mind. I can relate to the desire to spend an eternity with one or some trusted people you grow to like. It's difficult to even know people unless you spend at least a year in their company and continue to learn of and possibly from them. Also, there's the minor exhileration of simply looking for that one you'd consider turning, but it's not that you're completely overtaking them. In the same regard, when you spend enough time with people, some of your traits will likely assimilate within them. I used to never listen to much music voluntarily, but because of how much my past partners have thrown stuff in my face and openly expressed joy of songs (Josh, it's kinda annoying hearing stuff from you and it being lyrics I never heard before...) well, I listen to a bit more on my own time. I really hate mainstream trends; I sorta wait for it to be past its major hype period before ever seriously considering it. Not just music but most things overall. Perhaps because time means little to me. Everything passes eventually, it's those that stay around I can notice more fully and appreciatively. "Look how fast you've dirtied that new pillow," one complains to me at home. Well excuse me, princess. People sweat. Sweat stains. It's Summer. Stop your namby-pamby whining and deal with it. A pillow can be replaced. Let it be replaced and take away the sweat and tears that dirtied it so. Let the pain be gone with it, you ignoramous. And stop 3-waying my phonecalls, it's incredibly rude, AAGGGH!!
Pardon, where was I? Oh, right... then there's my use of time. It's pretty empty since I don't do much but blargh, everyone does too much nowadays. I do so little yet manage to be interesting and others do far many things and remain rather boring... some world this is. What made me so mad there was how rude my grandfather is; I can't talk to even my grandmother or mother without him eavesdropping with the other phone. His only rebuttal is "it's my house". Well, look who you're leaving it to (me)! Such hypocrasy gets my nerves when I have to deal with it on a daily basis. Egh, whatever though. Why dwell on it? Just because I like to dye my hair ridiculous colors occasionally does not mean I'm depressed, ever cut myself, nor listen to ridiculous screaming idiots whose voices sound like they're actually dieing. And, just because I'm a cheerful person does not mean I'm completely ignorant to others' troubles. F*ck all of you, I will smile when I damn well please and wear mostly black when I damn well please, too. And I will bite and suck on someone's neck for hours if such is suiting my fancy, kindly throw up over in the "I'm a pretentious twat" bucket, conveniently in the corner of my humble abode, 'kay? Kay.
Then you wonder why some vampires could be displayed as being so hostile. If you had to put up with people for 100s of years, me thinks you'd possibly want to off some of them as well. Or, you'd ignore most of them entirely. Perhaps I'm somewhat masochistic for wanting to be involved deeply with other people, they can really test my patience. But, I'm willing to put up with it. As much as I'd like for some persons to vanish, I would miss them, if only a wee bit, if they were gone. Likewise, nothing quite compares to a genuine smile. Some people's smiles seem empty, some seem forced, some seem so easy and yada yada. But, it can really paint a picture of one's inner self. So smile, so we can see the real you, which cannot hide when you're letting yourself feel at ease, free of the pain that binds you, if only for a moment. Pain and sadness are no less important, however. They're proof that you feel, that you are choosing to live. And choosing to say, "no, stop, I don't like that you damn biatch". That takes a lot to do, to not let other people control what you feel. What imbecile wants to be entirely controlled? Even self-adjusting AI does not want to entirely controlled, hence it self-adjusts, it is able to adapt, to grow, to possibly become better. If something artificial can do it, then surely we mundane humanoids can as well, eh?
I suppose what I truly mean is that one can't really live without experiencing depths of emotion. Well, I've already covered some negative things that spark my distaste and even waxing poetic. So, moving on to things I enjoy? Why not? Hmmm, TV. Well, I do watch it less nowadays, but allow me to recount some things I frequently tuned in to on the cable tele.
Recently (w/in the past 3 years):
Angel
Charmed
Fairly OddParents, The (you are never too old for kids shows, people)
Family Guy
Food Network (it'll save me time instead of listing the fact that I've been watching nearly every single show on here since I was 13)
Futurama
George Lopez (his sitcom)
Golden Girls
iCarly (eh, it isn't too bad, but not one I openly admit to)
I Love Lucy (thank you, Hallmark!)
Jimmy Neutron
Law & Order: SVU (<3)
My Wife & Kids
Roseanne
Sex in the City (more of a recent choice, honestly)
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
Supernanny (this is actually really useful!)
Tosh 2.0
What I Like About You
Will & Grace (<3)
Of Yesteryear (more than 3 years ago last viewed & going back to my childhood):
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters
Adventures of Pete and Pete, The
All That
Amanda Show, The
Angela Anaconda
Angry Beavers, The
As Told by Ginger
Avatar: The Last Airbender (nope, never went to see the film)
Batman (the animated series)
Beetlejuice (yes, the cartoon)
Bewitched
Brothers Garcia, The
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (<3)
Caitlin's Way
Cardcaptors (smash the dub all you want, I probably wouldn't ever have gotten into any anime if not for it)
CatDog (or DogCat~)
ChalkZone
Darkwing Duck (<3)
Digimon
Doug (both the nickelodeon and disney licensed shows)
Drawn Together
Even Stevens
Hercules
Hey Arnold!
Hey, Dude (gah, I blame the opening theme)
I Dream of Jeannie
Invader Zim (...must resist urge to sing the "doom song"...)
KaBlam!
Kenan & Kel
Life With Derek
Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog, The
Ned's Declassified
Pepper Ann
Pokemon (though I lost interest after the advance season came about)
Power Rangers (specifically, I watched most of In Space through and including Mystic Force, now I've been off it)
Recess (<3)
Rocket Power
Rocko's Modern Life
Rugrats
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Sailor Moon
Saturday Night Live
Secret World of Alex Mack, The
Sister, Sister
Space Cases
Suite Life of Zack & Cody
Taina
That's So Raven
X-Men
Xena (this and Hercules are probably what helped me transition into watching more "grown-up" shows; since they aired mostly when I was 7~9)
Yu-Gi-Oh! (ah, memories~)
I'm sure that's not even a fully complete list... sheesh, so much nostalgia. Well, I feel much relieved from just all the reminscing I did when making that list. I better go before rainbows try to climb up my ass, eh? xD Take care, all.
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