The Hardest Thing to Do...

Is to keep smiling.  To be positive so others don't feel more pain than they already have.

Each day, it's hard to keep smiling when...
-I'm given verbal grief and abuse due to my lack of money and my grandfather's stress over paying various expenses.
-I'm threatened to be isolated from my only source of stable socialization and open information (grandfather makes some empty, but no less harsh threat to stop paying for my internet).
-I feel lonely when no one is actively making an effort to talk to me.
-When trying to talk to anyone, I pray to high heaven that I'm not speaking at a bad time or saying the wrong thing.
-I don't really have a true family to speak of, not in the way I feel inside, and I just wish I had one, even if it might be with people to whom I'm not related.  Family is just... the people that care about you without rhyme nor reason. 


But I want to smile...
-to make it easier on the people I at least think I care about
-to stay receptive to positive and constructive feedback so I can keep improving
-to better realize that things aren't always as bad as they seem
-to accept change with better dignity
-because it may just encourage others to smile, too, and genuine smiles are beautiful


Yeah... I should just try to think of nice, beautiful things, that will help my mood, such as....
-kittens
-baby otters
-D____'s eyes
-his smile and a few other friend's smiles, too
-hyacinth in bloom
-loving, sickly sweet couples
-violin music
-singing songs to myself when I'm in a great mood
-singing songs for... someone I may just love
-when my mom seems happy and is actually around, making an effort to talk to me
-knowing I am worth smiling about


I'll be okay, yeah... I will.  ^~^